I’m frustrated and angry. I can’t seem to get off. It’s this ache inside of me, this need. But I can’t get there. The galling thing is I know I would be able to go find a stranger on the internet and get off. My orgasm response is largely tied to being performative. That’s not really how my sex life works any more. So I just don’t get off. And if I’m any kind of honest I will admit that I kind of hate Noah right now. He can get off. No problem. And I’m left with this feeling of being a cum dumpster. It’s the only god damn reason I participate in sex. He needs somewhere for the goo to go.
I feel frustrated and angry. Running doesn’t help this ache. I can rarely make myself come when I masturbate (not that I get almost any chance to do that anyway).
Today I hate my body. It hurts. It feels bad. I feel so angry. So frustrated. I hate my body.