Good day

Some people are comfortable doing the “come to the house and play” thing and lots of people aren’t “let’s meet at parks”. I think the “let’s meet at parks” people may fade a bit in focus for me. At least over the next three months. A family showed up yesterday (I wasn’t actually expecting them, but bonus) and played for three hours. It was great.

I was appropriate! I did not mention topics of stress within the group. I spoke vaguely about having trouble with my big feelings so I’ve been hibernating a bit more than usual. She was vaguely supportive and kind. All I wanted.

*phew* I kept my fat mouth shut.

I *have* to make the assumption that people are not on my side and that they do not want to be converted. I will not be talking about anything that has sides.

Well, I’m occasionally comfortable talking about how I have trouble fitting into some of the group rules… which I suppose means a conflict with the group owner. Only not really. I don’t ask for exceptions from her rules. I just go along with them because it is her group. I really like the group owner and have not heard a harsh word from her. I’d like to keep it that way so I try hard not to make her life difficult. She’s always been nice to me. If she has policies that aren’t my favorite, that falls squarely into my problem and not hers.

You know how March was going to have no more social? I have the self control of a nine month old presented with a breast. This week was the nice family. (It wasn’t *really* “adding” something because I took an event off and they were the only ones RSVPed to the event and they wanted to come over and play even without painting. Yay!) And a friend asked to stop and have tea next week. That’ll be less than an hour long chat. That won’t be stressful.

So I did add some social. I probably should have said no. I’m weak. If there is a chance someone might be nice to me… I don’t really have it in me to say no.

Whoa. Took a break there to do some crazy shit. I created an fake email address and facebook. I downloaded a bunch of recent pictures of my bio-family. See Noah, this is why I don’t put many pictures of the kids on the internet. I’m going to a grief ritual where I am going to cry about these people. Recent pictures will be useful.

Apparently my nephew got married. I hope he is happy.

Life is so complicated. Shanna is demanding attention now.