So many thoughts. Can’t write.

Social anxiety has caused this conference to be a pain fest. I’ve had nasty diarrhea. I feel horrible. My physical feelings seem to have a very clear social connection to me. I could outline many problems and situations but then I’d be punished more. I’m not up for more punishment this moment. Things are bad enough.

It is funny to me how every so often I learn things. Friends do ______; friends don’t do ____________.

I need to be more ok about just moving on from people who behave in ways that prove they are not my friends. Is it hard? Yes. But people who believe I don’t deserve help when I’m injured are not my friends and I’m hurting myself by knowing them. Many more things I can’t say right now.

I will be ok. I have a great family. I am very lucky. I do have friends. I have friends who will support me. Even if they don’t do it exactly how I want. Even if they are complicated too. I do have friends. Friends who want to support me.

I should focus more on them and less on the other kinds.