Skirting the line

Ok internet, here is a dirty little secret for you. I have a thing for Sikh men. I think they are beautiful. It helps that there are many who go to my gym. Swoon.

I try not to stare in an obvious fashion. They are just… works of art. Sometimes when I’m feeling sad and I want to cheer up, I google images of Sikh men.

They are so pretty.

But I’m not objectifying them… uhm, right? I’m not beating off. Surely that means it is still ethical just to look at them.

2 thoughts on “Skirting the line

  1. Pam

    Is it unethical to have erotic fantasies about real people that you aren’t currently in a relationship with? Genuinely wondering this.

  2. WendP

    Our household rule is “Window shopping is fine, just let me know before you bring anything home”.

    I also maintain that fantasies about people outside the relationship don’t – inherently – harm a relationship. No more than admiring a car you don’t currently own, or enjoying playing with kids who aren’t yours, or thinking a lot about a job other than the one you do.

    The harm is when it negatively affects your life and relationship. Are you spending so much time on the fantasy that it interferes with your daily activities? Are you not just fantasizing about the person (“wow, this is a really hot set of imagery”) and planning how to make it real? In which case, you and your current partner should probably at least have a conversation about it, before you go talk to the object of your fantasy.

    When people talk about fantasizing about other “real” people, I usually think, how is fantasizing about the person two aisles away in the grocery store any different from fantasizing about the person you saw in the movie at the theater last night? Ok, I understand at least one way it can be different. It’s “more possible” to actually enact the fantasy with the real person two aisles over in the grocery store than the actor in last night’s movie, because of perceived accessibility. Where you’re highly unlikely to ever meet the actor, you could go right up to and proposition the person at the grocery store.
    But (A), who says the person at the grocery store is both interested and available? and (B), is that really what you want to do anyway? Or do you just want to have the happy little fantasy unmarred by real life?

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