I didn’t sleep last night. Trying not to feel like I’m drowning in failure.
Why is it so hard to believe that I am capable of doing anything right? Why do I feel like I get everything wrong?
I feel so sad it is hard to find the energy to stir my tea.
Today is clearly maxing out the “depression” symptoms as opposed to the anxiety symptoms.
And I’m off smoking pot till December. Edibles it is. Oh man. They don’t do mood elevation. They level out anxiety but don’t cause me to feel more cheerful.
45 days until we leave. This minute it feels like the most mind-bendingly stupid thing I could do. I am too stupid to pull this off. I’m going to get stuck and hurt my kids and…
I’m very scared. My whole body hurts from fear.
Half an hour into baby sitting and I’ve barely moved. I haven’t finished a cup of tea. This much typing in that length of time is… barely moving. I can type 3,000 words an hour. 150 in 30 minutes means I’m mostly not thinking.
I think I’m going back to bed.