Fuck ups and growing pains

When the things you want and need change, it hurts. It hurts because people still want to give you the things they previously gave you. There is an established pattern to the behavior already. Asking for a change is… complicated.

Mostly it doesn’t work. Relationships mostly don’t evolve very well.

Last weekend Noah did something that he has done many times before. It was ok before. It isn’t ok any more. That’s complicated.

We’ve been talking about it a lot. Like we do. Something needs to change.

Really, a lot of things need to change. I just don’t understand every step of how or to what yet. It hurts. It means Noah hurts me without meaning to do so. It means I need to step back from my feeling of hurt and look at intent and forgive. Even though that sticks in my craw.

I don’t want to be one more white bitch defending not-ok-behavior from a white guy.

Life is very complicated.