I’m not as anonymous as I think. That makes sense. I don’t try to write anonymously.
I feel like I should bounce up and down singing that I will always always always be a problem.
Things were great until I opened my email box. I take full responsibility for the lack of pursuing resolution. Thing is, you want me to promise I won’t be a problem so people can feel safe. But I don’t feel safe and that doesn’t matter very much.
I hope that someday I will get to the point where my first impulse on reading such messages isn’t to hurt myself. I’m not there. This is my problem and not anyone else’s. I am not blaming anyone or claiming I shouldn’t have to resolve issues.
I do resolve issues. When there is an upside for me. When I feel like the end result will involve me feeling safe and welcome. I am pretty certain this environment will never be safe for me.