I love you so much.

I’m having an email discussion that does not make me happy. If it could wait 4 months to happen now… it couldn’t wait another 4 months until I’m home? Apparently not. Even when I am all the way across the country I am still so intimidating that people must tell me that I am intimidating and they are scared of me and that’s my fault and I need to stop being scary.

You know what? I haven’t hit anyone. I don’t need to fucking defend that *I* am safe to be around. I am so angry that I am shaking.

I have to defend whether or not *I* am dangerous. Because someone kicked me in the throat. Go to hell.

Yeah, I went back through and read the posts where I wrote about the assault. Fine, you think he isn’t the size of a small adult. Just because I know a lot of adults who are his size, whatever. You can have that concession in the argument.

You want me to believe he isn’t dangerous and that I’m the problem here. You weren’t there when I had trouble eating for days.

I am the problem. I can either quote emails and be rude that way or paraphrase and be told I am misunderstanding and misrepresenting everything. I can’t win.

The core issue is I was kicked and then I have to promise to not be a problem. I can’t get past that. You think the issue is that I’m scaring people.

I don’t give a fuck. I was kicked in the throat and y’alls fee fees are more important than that. This is not a safe environment for me. Period.

I’m really grateful that Noah and another friend have been reading the whole email thread and discussing it with me. Thanks Pam. I appreciate you being on-demand right then.

I haven’t done anything to hurt anyone. But I’m supposed to act like I have and act like I won’t hurt anyone again.

Nope. This is a head fuck I won’t take on.