Growing up is good

Last night my dear, wonderful husband said something to me that I didn’t like. I think it is the most condescending thing he has said in years. Instead of screaming or throwing things or hitting… I got up and stomped across the room and sat in a chair with my back to him. I said, “That is the most condescending thing you’ve said in years. ” I may have included a “fuck you”. I can’t remember. I’m trying to say that to him less because I don’t want the kids copying it.

I’m sure I said I wanted to say fuck you later when we talked about it.

I went to sleep not touching Noah because I was so pissed. I was really angry with him for ruining my last chance for sex before he left. (Luckily I see him in 10 days.)

By 5 am I realized I was hurting myself by not touching him. I have missed him so much on this trip that I physically ache. So we cuddled and talked.

We discussed why that wasn’t a good thing to say to me. (Notice how I’m not repeating it? This is one of those things I will forget and it is better that way. I don’t need to remind myself in the future how Noah misused some words.) I feel like we got to an ok place about it.

I’m really glad I get to be married to him even though he does occasionally say and do things that bother me. On balance he is my best friend. He accepts me. He likes me even though I’m not all that likable of a person.

He doesn’t screw up very often. When he does he learns from it and doesn’t make the same mistake later.

I like growing up. I can get pissed off and over it in 24 hours. I don’t think that used to be true. Part of it is that Noah has worked so hard for a decade to prove himself. I have to look at the evidence. I really like how he treats me.

No one is perfect.