Guilt, guilt, I’m drowning in guilt.

Want to hear something stupid? I feel guilty when I don’t post much. I feel guilty when I’m not calling people on the phone. I feel guilty when I’m not writing 20+ postcards a week because people might believe the intensity of my devotion wavers.

Guilt. Guilt. GUILT.


What do I think I should be communicating about? I don’t even know. But I feel bad that I’m not juggling paying attention to more people. Just because I should. I should make sure all these people know that they matter to me.

I feel like I’m going insane.

I feel so much guilt that I’m not turning and paying attention to absent people even though I’m trying to pay attention to what is happening to me right now and that’s kind of important. I feel like I’m letting folks down and proving that I don’t deserve relationships. See, I’m not contacting them enough.

I’m honestly not sure how much “enough” would be.

I couldn’t be doing more than I’m doing. And I feel so bad. I’m an idiot.

I’m having fun at Disney World. We are catching up on sleep and relaxing. That’s nice. Tomorrow we plan to go to Hollywood Studios for a few hours and then we will rest for the remainder of the day.  The last few days have been pretty busy, but we’ve gone through most of the big rides in Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom. We haven’t been to Epcot for much other than dinner and we haven’t set foot in Hollywood Studios. It’s been raining almost since we arrived so we haven’t gone to a water park yet.

We are in this room for ten more nights. Then seven nights at Animal Kingdom Lodge. I think we will see everything.

3 thoughts on “Guilt, guilt, I’m drowning in guilt.

  1. Thendara

    As a friend, I would want you to prioritize your own health first, then your family’s need before you think of anyone else. The last thing I would want is for you to feel guilty about things that you don’t have spoons for. There is always more to do than can be done by a person without doing damage to themselves. If you watch the show “Chopped”, every episode requires the chefs to do more than is possible in the time allotted so that the judges always have something to critique. If the flavors are there, the presentation suffers, or they leave out an ingredient, or they fail to add the perfect balance to some component. It simply isn’t possible for the contestants to hit perfection on every aspect in the time allotted and they clearly don’t want them to because otherwise it would be obvious who the loser is before they lift the cloche. Seems like this is a lot like life-there’s a lot to pay attention to and not enough time to achieve perfection. Try your best to get the best flavors out of the ingredients in your basket but please don’t let guilt oversalt your dish. You are loved and are awesome just as you are.

  2. WendP

    Everything the above commenter said.

    Also, wanted to let you know I got the postcard. Polar bears are one of my most favorite animals! Thank you!

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