Tell the truth.

Well, I’ve hit my kids. Both of them.

I was leaning into the van trying to find things and I noticed that the kids left a milk container in there. It was sideways and leaking onto a pile of books. I yelled for Eldest ChildĀ to get over here and help me. She appeared and I meant to hand things back to her but I misjudged distance. I smacked into her belly pretty forcefully. I wasn’t trying to hit, but I did. We’ve discussed it a few times and I’ve apologized. I really didn’t mean to slap a pile of stuff into your belly. I meant to hand it to you and I misjudged. That’s sucky. I’m sorry.

Then this morning Eldest Child thought it was funny to tap on my face. I said that it hurt and I wanted it to stop, but my eyes were closed and I wasn’t that emphatic. So Youngest Child walked up with a toy and slapped me in the face hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. I smacked her body hard enough to get her away from me because she started bouncing the toy on my face again.

I didn’t apologize for the second hit. No, I’m not actually sorry that I hit you hard enough to push your body far enough away from me that you had to stop hitting me.

I didn’t punch or slap that hard. There isn’t a mark at all. But it hurt my bloody nose and I’m not freakin sorry I made your body get away from mine. You don’t get to hurt me.

So, I’ve done it. Shit.

I’m going to have a day of feeling like a bad mother. But you don’t get to hit my fucking face. I don’t care who you are.

6 thoughts on “Tell the truth.

  1. WendP

    Well, crap. Accidents and natural consequences suck. More so when there’s other history and context (far) behind it.

  2. K

    ::hugs::

    Misjudging happens, and you have every right to defend yourself. You didn’t *beat* them. It wasn’t even deliberate. This is one of those things that happens to all of us. You are not your mother.

  3. Sarah

    Defending yourself from being hurt, and accidents – these things happen. The former is totally a sane reaction, the latter… well… an accident.

    Shit happens. You know it wasn’t great, they know it wasn’t great, you all know it shouldn’t happen again. Do they know what to do if they feel like you’re getting out of control somehow? I’d be a little surprised if y’all haven’t had that conversation.

    That? Is a difference. The problems are in the ongoing pattern and the kids learning to accept it/try to mitigate it/etc.

    Love all of you.

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