So strong

The last two days have been emotionally intense for everyone. The kids and I are all having intense feelings.

I felt like I barely touched EC with my foot. She felt it was a kick and she responded with extreme force and screeching. It felt kinda over the top and I walked away to cry. It was triggering.

She apologized to me later in the day. I told her that I don’t think she needs to apologize. I can suck it up and deal with harsh “no’s”.

Then this morning I told her, “I think part of the reason I had emotions as big as I did is because… I really needed to be strong like that when I was exactly your age. And I wasn’t. I was hurt very badly because I couldn’t do what you just did. I admire you so much. I wish I was as strong as you. Sometimes I have really confused feelings when I watch you do things I wish I could do.”

She beamed and hugged me hard for a long time.

These things are very complicated.