I went over and had a chat with my neighbor. The grabby dude who likes to tell me that he wants to fuck me. I’m surprised by how well it went. I talked to him a little bit about PTSD. I talked about how at this point in my life it is incredibly difficult for my brain to stop in a panicked moment and tell if I’m safe or not. He was patient and considerate. He expressed some sadness over the way I kicked him last time and I apologized. He asked me why I freaked out.
I told him that at this point in my life I have worked very hard to ensure that I will never again go numb and just let things happen to me. I have had too many men grab me, beat me, and rape me. I have worked very hard to make sure that my instinct is to fight with everything I have. I have taken classes that will help me be physically capable of putting people in the hospital. I don’t want to fight him like that. I don’t want to fight anyone I like that way. At this point in my life you just can’t grab me like that. It is too late. It is not safe for me and it is not safe for you. He nodded and told me he understands. He said he will be very careful not to touch me again. He said he wants me to feel safe.
Yeah, I totally didn’t expect that. This is why I bother to keep trying. People surprise me all the time. This is why I try. You never know what will happen.