You are safe now.

Playing with Sarah was wonderful like it usually is. My wrists and hands are covered in bruises from beating her. I tried to use toys for a while to save my hands… then I needed to feel it with her. SM is very kinesthetic for me. I want to feel all of it. Toys… deaden that.

I helped her boyfriend beat her. I feel that he and I did a surprisingly good job of co-topping for folks who don’t know each other. We both tried to share the gorgeous canvas and be complimentary about one another’s work. Only one missed shot a piece that hit the other top’s hand.

It was so much fun yanking her back and forth and saying “Mine”. She giggled in a glorious way.

After a while we were hitting her harder and she started whimpering. Me being me I commented: “Ahh, still trying to be quiet?”

I think Sarah internalizes things in ways that are both good and bad. I think most people need to let things out sometimes and I think that is hard for Sarah. I say that based on many years of friendship.

So I started talking to her about how gorgeous, wonderful and strong she is. I started telling her over and over that she is safe now and it’s ok to make noise. You can cry, scream, yell, anything you need to do.

You are safe now. We love you. It’s ok to make noise here.

We hit her until she sobbed loudly and could not take anymore. Then we snuggled on the beautiful, wonderful girl.

It was an honor and a privilege. She was glowing and grinning and woozy when we were done. I had a wickedly fantastic time.

Thank you Sarah. Thank you Sarah’s boyfriend. That was awesome.

I tried to put a rope harness on and I sucked. I need to practice. I’m so not used to rope anymore. It was so bad it fell off. Pathetic.

I need more practice.

I love you. Thank you for sharing this with me. I am grateful.

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