I managed to do a good job of convincing my shrink that Deity is not the scary looming problem she is convinced he is and I managed to raise her threat level with regards to my submissive. That seemed… prudent?
“You don’t seem to understand that one of these men is professing undying love that will last decades. The other wants to fuck me. Which one are you freaking out about?”
She reconsidered after that.
I knew it would just take finding the right words.
I’m not saying I’m flipped out about my submissive. I just… sometimes feel bothered when my shrink just can’t perceive something accurately.
After a while of me rattling off “This person this that person this other thing that person over there was on quite a roll and…”
She stopped me and said, “How is it possible you know all of these people? How do you keep them straight in your head?”
I said, “Oh, you just don’t know how to compartmentalize them properly” (which is something she’s been telling me to work on–compartmentalization) and she laughed.
I felt funny yesterday. That’s not an every day experience. Normally… I’m kinda the opposite of funny. I suck the funny out of a room. But yesterday I made her laugh several times.
We are both excited that I’ve managed to get myself up off the floor before I start med trials. *cry*
Med trials is a phrase that makes me queasy. This has never gone well. I mean, I did get to Lorazepam and pot. Those have helped. But ugh. You know how I’ve been complaining about sleep dep for years? Nothing has ever been worse than Paxil. Awake for 14 days straight. I thought I would die. I… don’t want to get into the complications. They suck.
I’m nervous but I need to do this. My lungs need a break.
Harm reduction. It’s a thing.
I’ve been having mixed feelings (shiny change of topic) about cruise stuff for a long time. That’s gotten easier. K’s family deciding to come was apparently huge. I didn’t know I was hoping for that? I thought they were a no? I’m so excited I get to help my Bonus Kids go on this trip. This is going to be a blast.
The not my immediate family wedding party just about doubled from 5 to 9. I feel actually outnumbered by guests.
She told me, “I would spend the rest of my life regretting not going with you. We’re going.”
That made my heart soar.
I feel consumed with gratitude. You would regret not being with me. Oh. Thank you.
Ok no more time for typing.