My shrink wants me to think about this picture when I’m trying to figure out what is fair for rules for me and Noah. She reminds me that having a traumatized brain/body means I am probably not ever going to be able to have the same limits as other people. Mine will just be different. I can feel like shit about that or I can get on with my life. Those are the options.
Noah and I don’t need the same things. I feel weird about that. The things that make me feel so scared I could puke don’t bother him. The things that bother him the most… I don’t notice.
In my head someone has to be wrong. Is it Noah or me? Of course it is me. That’s… just how things go.
She had some things to say about some of the stuff that has been bothering me that I don’t want to write down but gosh I hope I remember. Why don’t I want to write it down?
Well if I told you that I might as well just write it down and get the consequences.
I’m not going to write much. I have sick kids here. That’s ok with me. Sick kids = snuggly kids.
But I have a lot to think about. How much anger is ok? How am I allowed to react to my anger? What steps should I take to be appropriate? It’s all so complicated.