Want

I don’t see a path forward that will not involve dating for both of us.

I only see the need for more support and love. We are not enough. Both of us are inadequate. We’ve been trying for adequacy for¬†ten fucking years and here we are. Both happy but not as happy as we could be. Both of us are content knowing the other is giving all they have to give. And we want more.

Noah is being super generous and he’s going to wait a few months and let me figure out more of a pattern before he starts seriously pursuing someone. Because I want to be chased… and Noah is going to have to chase. Which takes a lot of energy. Which means I’ll lose a lot of his energy.

Shit.

Noah and I are going to need to figure out an additional all night babysitter. Preferably out of our house in the next month or so. We’ll need one more night. Anyone?

There’s a thing we need to do together and I don’t know when it can get scheduled.

I’ve been looking at the stats breakdown instead of just the page views on wordpress.com. Because of course. I get between 34-ish to 49-ish people per day. Rarely fewer even more rarely more.

And I know most of you. I also know that there are people on the internet who vow that they’ve followed me for years because they don’t know me and they hate me.

So you people who hate me, I ain’t talking to you. I’m talking to the small, fervent band of friends I have. People who wade through hundreds, sometimes thousands of pages of writing¬†every year to know me. Holy tomato. I think there are at least three dozen people who are that loyal. There are maybe four dozen who keep up consistently if not daily.

Thank you for using enough room in your brain on me to know that I am not consistent. I appreciate it when you point it out to me. I appreciate it when you point out, “You’ve really changed how you talk about ______.” I appreciate the reminders. “You say ______.” I do. But I like hearing it in your voice. Your voice is so nice.

That’s part of why my children are so fucking bossy. I need help making an inside voice.

I am both loved and lucky.

I have twelve dates scheduled. If I manage sex twice on at least half those dates (likely) That’s at least eighteen times for sex during Mardi Gras. I have other date hours available that might get filled. Let’s say at least twenty times from other folks. So then we get into the fact that Noah and I have been having sex 25-30-ish times a month.

I might hit fifty times during Mardi Gras. I think I’ll keep track.

Time to stop thinking about fun. Breakfast is ready. There’s a full house of kids. Their ages are: 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, & 4. I’m having so much fun.

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