What does it mean to negotiate in bad faith? Does it mean someone knows they are saying something they can’t live up to? Does it mean negotiating and then changing your mind? Does it possibly include not knowing what you want?
Noah doesn’t want to think I’ve been doing bad things. He wants to believe I am doing something that is necessary on a primal level or I wouldn’t do it.
Today in therapy we talked a lot about how I’ve been fucking up. That wasn’t the way Noah wanted to phrase it, but that’s a lot of what it was. We are waiting to see just how far I’ll strain the enmeshment.
And then he will go date so he doesn’t feel so small and ignored. Ok.
How do we support one another through the changes that are coming? Because changes are coming. We aren’t going to do things how we have done them. We are going to be different.
And what is that going to mean?
Noah’s right that he can’t just be the boring one. He needs to be fascinating too. And people who are hard to catch are fascinating. Shit.
So many appointments coming up. Individual therapy and couples therapy and acupuncture and general practitioner and a groino. All in the next two weeks.
I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. I swear.