Safer Spaces

I went to an open relationship discussion last week and the topic was on “Safer Spaces” and what that means to people. Ok, sure. That could have been interesting. I don’t know how much to say without breaking confidentiality. But I’m going to say a few things.

The small group discussion I was part of was interesting, I think mostly because I was the only full blooded white person so we talked about actual unsafe situations and how to cope. Noah says his subgroup… didn’t go well.

Noah is not exactly Mr. Social Justice Warrior or anything. He’s a rich white dude. But even he was cringing at the level of entitlement and cluelessness.

The proposal was made that safer spaces aren’t good spaces because not everyone is supposed to talk in every safer space. Sometimes het cis white men aren’t supposed to talk. Instead we should have “brave spaces” where everyone is allowed to talk and people just have to put their big kid panties on and deal.

I kind of went hot and said, “That’s a way to privilege the voices of people who already have the most power and ensure that underserved populations never feel safe.”

If I as a rich white person felt this was not a safe place… well…

I don’t want to go to a “brave space” where I’m going to have to listen to the usual opinions that make me very uncomfortable. I hear them all the time. Like, I don’t feel like I get away from those opinions much at all. I go to safer spaces to get away from the opinions that make me uncomfortable all day long.

I said that saying that all voices have to be equally heard at all times is like saying All Lives Matter. If you truly believe that all lives matter you will bloody well say Black Lives Matter because they are the ones in crisis.

I left feeling like I don’t ever need to go back. Which probably isn’t a fair evaluation of the group in general. But Noah and I left feeling like… yeah… we don’t need to spend more energy there.

Which is kind of a bummer. Talking about relationship stuff is tricky and hard. I’d like to have more spaces to do that. Not that space.

There are lots of times and spaces where I am supposed to be quiet. That’s ok. I make other people hella uncomfortable and sometimes they don’t want to deal with that.

I think that is just.

6 thoughts on “Safer Spaces

  1. Sarah

    In what way and for whom is that brave? The URM’s who already deal with that shit all the time everywhere? The white cis het dudes who already get to talk all the time? Gaaaah, no. Nope, nope, nope, nope, all the nope.

    1. Noah

      It is “brave” in the sense that you have to be “brave” for the benefit of whoever feels like talking over you.

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