completely fucked

Noah just stomped out of the house at 5am to avoid screaming more at me. I don’t think I should believe him that this month is a good idea. I think that if I listen to him pushing me to do this it will be throwing gasoline on a bonfire.

I’m torn between wishing I had documented every fight and knowing it would have been stupid. Every time he’s slammed the wall next to my head. Every time I’ve asked him to stop using me as a masturbatory aid and he did it again days later. Every time he has told me, “Oh I’ll do ____” and it never happened.

He sure as shit is keeping score.

The thing is, I have no interest in divorce. My way out of this marriage is death. So I don’t keep score. Because that strikes me as a very good way to make sure I end up dead sooner.

2 thoughts on “completely fucked

  1. Danaoshee

    You do you. If you have no interest in ever leaving for yourself, that’s your choice.
    But does the wall slamming *ever*, ever at all, happen where the kids can see it?

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