Big feelings

This morning I feel like my skin is paper thin. I’m tired of hashtags. I’m tired of seeing the police murder citizens. I’m tired of unashamed bigotry. This election cycle has been one long series of seeing that many people in my country are foul and mean spirited.

How can you hate an entire group just for not being like you? I don’t understand that.

“Weird” is someone else’s normal. Weird just means you haven’t done it/eaten it/seen it enough times yet. Keep at it. Soon it will be normal.

Does that mean violence is normalized? Too much so.

I feel so tired.

I didn’t rest yesterday after the surgery and I didn’t sleep almost at all the first night. Luckily last night I got more sleep.

I was also able to schedule lunch with a friend (thank you for inviting yourself over!), dinner with my submissive, and I need to respond to an email from a dear old friend.

How can life be so wonderful and so terrible all at the same time?

Today… I need to be more relaxed. I’m probably going to shut my computer. I know that there is a whole world of pain out there. I can only deal with the pain in my nose today. I know I’m shallow. I’m out of bandwidth. My head hurts so much. Oh, I should go take a pain pill. Wheeee. I also need to acquire toilet paper and pancake mix. That’s probably enough to aspire to for today.

I have a Bonus Kid. I may have to take Eldest Child in for a haircut if Noah gets selected for jury duty.

Yeah. That’s enough for today. My heart hurts and I can’t absorb more without ending up hiding behind my bed and crying.

I don’t know how everyone gets up and faces this world every day. It is so fucking sad.

8 thoughts on “Big feelings

  1. Danaoshee

    I’m trying to learn how to shut it out. Turn on a layer of denial, of pretending things aren’t happening so I can keep going despite violence and isms and global warming and everything that makes me want to give up and die now.
    Hope feels like a lie a lot and I’m trying to reframe that for myself so I can accept it. Trying to think that ok, even if there’s a 90% chance that things will be crap later, today I can live believing in the 10% chance so that it’s not like whatever terrible thing has already happened.
    I’m not very good at it.

    1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

      I hear you. I’m not trying to pretend things aren’t happening… just some days I can’t read about it. I’m too aware that historically speaking… things are improving. As bad as things feel humans used to be *more* violent. *More* xenophobic.

      Those of us on the forward side of history just have to keep dragging the rest of the world behind us.

      1. Danaoshee

        Rereading my comment, I realize I forgot to put in the part about how my default mode is 24/7 drowning myself in all the painful news. When I say “learning some denial” I mean “acquire some sort of boundary so I can still function.”

        1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

          That I agree is 100% necessary. In order to focus outward and understand you have to have a stable self and that requires boundaries. I didn’t mean to criticize, dear friend.

          1. Danaoshee

            I just realized “I’m learning how to stick my head in the sand and ignore the world!” sounds a little.. Off.. without context.
            That context being the sort of frustrated look my shrink gives me while she says “yes, everything you’re saying is logical and reasonable but while most people need to pay *more* attention to things, you need to *stop* occasionally.”

  2. Your Submissive

    There’s a lot of stuff in this post, yet the thing that caught my attention was “toilet paper and pancake mix” and left me really wondering what on earth you were going to do with that combination.

      1. Noah

        “She understood babies. You put milk in one end and kept the other end as clean as possible. Adults were even easier, because they did the feeding and cleaning themselves.” — Equal Rites, Terry Pratchett

Comments are closed.