There are days…

There are days when children are jumping up and down and screaming as loud as they can PLEASE BEAT ME. IT WOULD BE SUCH A WONDERFUL IDEA.

Nevertheless we continue to not beat the children.

In that way I have of not wanting to humiliate the children but also wanting to document things for myself let me vaguely say: it was a high crime day.

I need some god damn sleep. I’m mad at my shrink for being so against pot that she thinks me running on 3 -4 hours of sleep for weeks is just fine and I should keep it up.

Today is the kind of day that lets me know I have to deal with some of my biggest issues whether I have a boy child or not.

It’s not only men and boys who hurt people.

I love my children. Sometimes I amĀ spectacularly unimpressed with their behavior.

See, I’m not a perfect mother and I’m not raising perfect children. I’m an asshole raising… uhhh I probably shouldn’t say that.

But I’m just sayin’.

My choices wouldn’t work for other people because other people aren’t broken in the ways I am. They don’t need the same structure.

I am amazed at what y’all do without the rigorous scaffolding I build for myself… and I still fuck up. This much extra time and work still is not producing the best ever results.

I’m not sure what that even means.

There were patterns I wanted to change.

I don’t get to control other people. I can only pray that I influence.

No matter how many times I tell myself I am… I’m not the boss of you. You are. You reminded me today.