And people bitch about *my* lack of tact.

Future Middle Child turns seven on Monday. They asked for a party this weekend. They haven’t been able to have a party at home in years because we travel on their birthday so often. It seems more than fair to let the kid have a party sometimes.

But I’m seriously exhausted. So I told kiddo they could send out 10 invitations because that limits the crowd size we have to accommodate. We know waaaaay more people than that and I just can’t handle inviting “Everyone” to every thing. I have limits.

FMC split the invitations approximately half and half between non-breeder adult friends and kid friends. When kiddo made this decision it seemed a little interesting to me. Why not more kids?

Ah. Now I understand why. We’ve gotten a positive RSVP from one kid and all the adults. Kiddo understands the people in our lives. That’s why kiddo asked a bunch of adults… who are willing to show up.

I just wish that the parents of kids could say “no” instead of saying, “We were invited to a different birthday party on that day and we are WAY closer to that family so we are going to their party instead.”

And people like to harp on how I lack tact? Oh for fuck’s sake.

No is a complete sentence. You don’t need to tell me that other people are more important to you and that’s why you are saying no.

I’m actually getting to the point where sending shit out to our Google Group is similarly challenging for me. I feel like I should cull the list of people who are rude in how they decline invitations so I don’t feel so freaked out about sending out a big group invite.

Every time I extend an invitation you don’t have to use that as an opportunity to tell me I’m not important to you. It’s just not fucking necessary. You can say no. You can say you are busy. You don’t have to say, “We were invited to something else by folks we care more about.” That’s shitty.

But folks who don’t have mental health diagnosis are generally not open to feedback about their behavior being rude as fuck in my experience. I think I should just cull the list.

If I haven’t had a pleasant conversation with you in over a year or if you have never responded whatsoever to a single invitation… you are now off the list. Cull, done. If I’m using this group to manage my social anxiety and having some people in the group means I can’t use the group anymore because of increased social anxiety… I get to change the terms. I’m permitted. And I get to do it by fiat.

5 thoughts on “And people bitch about *my* lack of tact.

  1. Michelle

    FYI I don’t respond to a lot of group invites when I don’t have a way of getting there.

    Question: would it still feel rude if someone just said they have a prior commitment? I don’t know how to navigate these things.

    1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

      And that’s fine. There is a big difference between mass email acknowledgment and “We sent you a paper invitation in the mail so please acknowledge this invitation.”

      Yes! Saying you have a prior commitment is incredibly appropriate and tactful. That’s wonderful.

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