Not very fun

Gosh I’m boring. I don’t keep up with most of the tv people watch. I can’t discuss makeup or hair fun or nails or… any of the things that seem to make the people I like feel like they are more interesting. I can’t really discuss fashion. My fashion statement is mostly sweats and a baggy t-shirt I stole from someone else.

For tv I watch The West WingMadame SecretaryOrange is the New Black, and Call the Midwife; I’ve tried a few others but I don’t really manage to continue. They are interesting but there is a higher barrier to watching so I just don’t bother. That’s not a list of shows that gives me good conversation material with other people.

I feel more and more like discussing children is a way to make people feel bad. I notice that I’m not holding on to mom-friends very well. I don’t think that how I parent is superior to how other people parent… I think I make some weird as shit choices that wouldn’t work for most people. I don’t think my way of being completely enmeshed with my children is the most healthy option available. I think that I’m coming from a family background of severe mental illness and difficulty attaching and that’s why I make the choices I make. They sure as shit aren’t appropriate for everyone.

I don’t feel like I have much of anything to talk about that is fun or light or entertaining. I’m not pretty. I’m not fun. I’m not interesting.

Hi, I’m Debbie Downer and I deliver.

I don’t have interesting hobbies to talk about. My poor plants are barely staying alive because I’m so fucking exhausted I’m not watering like I should.

I feel like I’m failing at everything. I’m failing at being interested enough in my friends. I’m shitty support right now. I feel like I’m boring and stupid.

I feel like I should stop reaching out to people at all because I have nothing to offer and all I am is this boring pit of need.

I’m so tired.

On the upside, this is not a suicidal version of feeling bad. Just… a whiny one. I suppose that’s better than it could be?

5 thoughts on “Not very fun

  1. Quiet One

    I wouldn’t be shocked it all the other moms actually felt outdone because they just drop their kids at a school for several hours a day.

    1. Krissy Gibbs Post author

      You know… I don’t think that’s it. And I don’t want to get into a pissing contest here in any way shape or form. I like these people and I think they are doing their absolute best and I’m not going to fuss about what that means. I’m not in a position to judge.

      I fear that they think I am judging them. I fear that they think I am outdoing them. I don’t think I am. I think they are creating children who know how to conform and be part of our society and I am entirely fucking failing to teach that.

  2. Valia

    Society has enough conformists.
    You’re raising intelligent, self-aware, interesting children who will be able to take their lives in directions that the conformists can’t even think of.

  3. RoseRed

    Well, I have to admit that I find you both pretty and interesting, so you don’t get too talk me out of that. fun? Sometimes yes! I think intense and interesting conversations are Very fun. I’m not sure I’m fun in the way you’re getting at but I’m not sure I care about that either. That sort of fun that I think you mean Looks fun, but the prospect of actually participating in it feels pretty boring.

    When I’ve turned to you for support your support has at times been almost amusingly concise, but not Wrong. So there’s that. Knowing that you are so tapped out I’d be less likely to hit you up for some whining Right Now, but you’re still on the list of friends I turn to when I’m trying to process difficult thoughts of feelings.

  4. RoseRed

    What the fuck? Why the strikeout like through most of that text?? Please ignore that, I don’t know any way to edit it now. I don’t even know How to do that on my phone!

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