And it is Occupy who establishes us with you in freedom, and has anointed us, and who has also put is seal on us and given us its Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.
Today I bring my children and my husband with me to the encampment. I hope that Mayor Quan will allow my family to remain safe. We will then be going off to: Lincoln Square Recreation Center
250 10th Street (between Alice and Jackson) from 10-1. I am bringing my family with me to the place that gave me back my faith in the human race. I’m really hoping no one fucks that up. I have a lot of reason to believe that a lot of people in power want to stomp on my hope. They want me to feel small and bad and weak and pitiful. They think I am nothing. But they can fuck right off.
My heart was Occupied. I will be at the encampment today with my husband and children to support the people there who are bravely risking police attack any minute due to an inappropriate eviction. I hope I can give them moral support as well as physical support. We will be bringing food.
John 6:51 I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.
I’m not enjoying the experience of writing about what it was like to grow up in an incestuous family so I’m going to take a break to think about something more pleasant since I did 2,000 words today. So I’m going to write about Occupy.
The only thing we have to give in this world is our energy. Our devotion. Our time. Our resources. Something that people don’t understand is that time has nearly as much utility as money. If you go and perform labor that makes someone else’s life better… you have done a better thing than just handing them money. I don’t mean Volunteer! I mean, what the fuck are you doing with your life. How are you working towards being part of a better system? How are you speaking up when you feel compelled? How are you putting your direct democratic self forward? What the fuck are you doing with your time?
Surviving. That’s what people are doing. Because we have a weird closed system where everyone is struggling to meet their own needs. It’s nearly impossible to do. How do we find more to give…give..give. Everyone is on empty. I’m at a stage of my life I have to ask for help a lot. It feels really humiliating. My children require adult companionship 24 hours a day. That’s honestly kind of intense pressure. We don’t have families. Well, we don’t have anyone local. I have nothing. I don’t know what Noah has. That’s kind of between them.
It’s between them because I don’t seem to be able to do the family thing on any terms other than my own. That’s sad for everyone involved. I’m sorry for it. But I really can’t. So much for an intensity break. This writing is hard. I don’t want to talk about the earliest reasons I am so very fucked up. It hurts. I don’t want people to know how I was treated because then they will look at me differently. I feel so very dirty. I feel like that monster ripped out my soul and filled the cavity with tar. I will forever tarnish everything I touch.
Fuck him. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world. I have things to give. I have resources. I have myself. I have my time. I have my energy. I share it in many different ways. I want to make other peoples lives better. I want to be 80 and know that millions of people have been made better by my existence. Maybe then I will believe that my soul is not black.
Laugh at me if you will, but after having my religious conversion at the General Strike I’ve been having daily bible verses sent to my phone. I’m altering them slightly as I think about them through the day. I like my version a lot.
Psalm 5:11-12 (almost): But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you, Occupy. 12. For you bless the righteous; you cover him with favor as with a shield.
I’m so glad my heart was Occupied.