I was asked what I mean by this: “I wish that I didn’t feel like part of what I owe her is teaching her not to scream at people when she is in trouble.”

Oh, sure.

This is like when a dude rapes you and then gets upset that you point it out. It’s a DARVO. DARVO means Deny Attack Reverse Victim & Offender.

So. This is like when that little shit head kicked me in the throat years ago and his mom said, “That didn’t happen and if it did it is your fault.”

Wait. Someone kicking me in the throat is my fault?

When my daughter got caught doing something she shouldn’t do and she had to accept the consequences of that her impulse was to try and scream at me and intimidate me into not holding her accountable for her actions.

I 100% owe her the life lesson that such actions are completely wrong and unacceptable.

When you fuck up, you accept the consequences. You don’t fight back and say how unjust it is that someone is holding you accountable. When you fuck up, you take your fucking medicine and you try to learn from the experience. You don’t scream at someone that you are going to humiliate them.

That’s. Not. Ok.

Why do I think I owe her this lesson? So she doesn’t grow up to be an abusive piece of shit, that’s why.

It would be like if I did something terrible and when my kids said, “That’s not ok” I raged at them until they were scared to point out that my behavior was wrong.

When I am wrong I do everything in my power to accept the wrongness and apologize and make amends. I believe that is the ethical way to exist.