Yesterday I had the privelege of grading my juniors’ final papers. Our last book was One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and a lot of our discussion centered around what makes someone crazy. Do people feel that they are viewed by others as being different than they really are? (Chief views McMurphy as being “special” but McMurphy shows no signs of feeling that way about himself.)

The papers were truly awesome. I told them to use their natural voice and tell me about some way in which they think people do not see who they really are. Spelling irregularities sky rocketed (coz for because, noe for know) but their grammar mistakes all but disappeared. It was very interesting. I told them that grammar and spelling were not going to be graded on this paper because I wanted them to not stress about formality and instead just focus on thinking about ways they feel like they are not being seen. The paper could be done as an essay, a story, or a journal entry. I received all three from different people. They were good.

My kids shared some of their most hurtful moments with me, some of the things they feel the most conflicted about because they aren’t sure if they are being honest or lying when their behavior changes somewhat from circumstance to circumstance. I heard about one boy’s torment because he is Muslim and a leader in the Muslim community (he is one of the most charismatic leaders I have ever met in my life–this boy is going to do something with his life and I want to keep in touch with him to see it) but he is experiencing a serious crisis of faith. He feels that the work he is doing in the Muslim community is something he wants to do with people in general and not focus on religion because he doesn’t feel he can have faith in something as ephemeral as religion instead he has faith in humanity. One of my boys talks about how his behavior radically changes from friends group to friends group because he is terrified of being alone and when he feels like he has disappointed someone he punishes himself by locking himself into a closet for hours so he has to suffer through being alone. One of my girls talks about the pressure of being “the good daughter” as she is working almost full time to help her family out financially while her mother is back in school to become a teacher. Another girl worries about letting her father down (he is a Pastor) if anyone from her church ever sees her as anything other than perfectly respectful and polite. My latino boys actually talked about the pressure to “be a man” while wanting to appreciate things that are gentle and kind. One girl shared how she is afraid that she is now a bully because in order to avoid getting beaten up again and again she started fighting back and initiating fights.

I could go on and on. The papers were touching and inspirational. They ranged in length from an awkward page and a half to six pages. (I gave no minimum or maximum.) Most averaged around three pages, which is quite a bit for my kids. I’m sad that a few of my F kids didn’t turn in a final paper because I want to know what they believe about themselves, but there isn’t much I can do about it. Watching this group of kids through this year has been a truly amazing thing and I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to know them. I know I’m going to break down crying in class today when I tell them goodbye.