Author Archives: Krissy Gibbs

About Krissy Gibbs

Just your average hippy white trash incest survivor stay at home mom. Is there an average for us? No? Oh well.

Therapy and boot camp and tooth pain, OH My!

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Last night we had therapy. It is interesting to go with Noah. Cause that means all sorts of stuff is coming up which doesn’t usually. It’s scarier than usual. It’s also interesting becasue I know that a lot of my “turning inward” stuff never comes up in therapy but this therapist has already seen it more than once. It’s… disconcerting.

Boot camp is kicking my ass. I need to start taking the stomach medicine before I go because I’m in serious pain and I want to puke before it is over. 🙁 But I kept going through the whole thing even though I was doing it very slowly. My whole body hurts. I am so fried. And three more days this week… *sigh*

I get to run off for more dental appointment crap today. I’m not really looking forward to this. But… has to be done.

And tonight is a Pryankster pryactice in the south bay so I’m going to do my best to go. I’m wondering if I will be physically able to move, but I’ll try! I’m terribly GGG.

Now I will go back to watching Toy Story with the few remaining kids in my Comp and Lit class. (The sophmores are off taking the exit exam.)

Weekends are good.

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I got to see several friends I haven’t seen in a while. That was nice. I also got to go rock climbing! It was totally fun even though I suck. 🙂 Would anyone be interested in going with me again? I promise that next time I will make sure I get a belay class so you aren’t stuck bouldering. 🙂

Much yummy snuggly time on Sunday. Mmmmm. I loves my husband. Along with a bit of “processing.” I’m tired of processing. *sigh* I need to work on being less crazy though, so I’ll keep it up.

This morning started at 5am. I rolled my ass out of bed and went to boot camp. I kept the very out of shape and heavy older woman company as we walked and occasionally sorta half-jogged around the track. I didn’t keep her company to be nice, I did it cause I am that freakin out of shape. heh But, I feel alright. My back is a bit wonky but that’s ok.

How does one be positive? I try so hard and yet… I don’t know. I can’t seem to manage it in an ongoing fashion.

And: I am often in the car between 3:30ish and 6-ish very bored. Who likes talking on the phone? I have this phobia of calling anyone because so many of my friends are passionately anti-phone but surely I am not the only one who likes talking to people on the phone…

Speaking of snarky

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I got into it just a little with a guy at work. I was talking in the lounge and I said “Oh my god!….” then continued on and someone who wasn’t even in the conversation interrupted. He said, “Your God? Don’t you mean OUR God?” My response? “No. He’s mine. I don’t share.” Then I turned around and continued my conversation. Did I mention that he runs the Christian club and has a stick the size of a redwood up his ass?

HA!

I do *this* well.

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I have now had official confirmation that the school deliberately places 504 and IEP kids in my class. There is (apparently) already a very firm official position that I am remarkably helpful and willing to work with kids who have issues. I feel really good about this. It makes me happy that the kids feel like they are having an unprecedented amount of success and so do their parents. This rocks so hard because *no one* thinks my class is easy. The kids who took this class because it is “easier than AP” acknowledge that the workload is quite sophisticated and difficult and they are having to work really hard for their A.

Wow. This feeling so rocks.

The state of the school system.

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I just sat through a meeting where it was decided that we are going to stop teaching novels to freshmen and sophmores because they need to spend more time focusing on multiple choice questions for the monsterous standardized tests they have to take throughout high school.

They are still debating whether it is worthwhile to teach novels to juniors and seniors. If you have children, I would like you to stop and think for a moment about how you want them taught. Do you really want your kids to only learn how to regurgitate someone elses opinion?

Quote of the day

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A coworker and I were complaining about how our kids have never heard about Oedipus. I said that of course they haven’t, they are too busy thinking about videogames.

“Oh! They should totally make an Oedipus game for the Xbox!! That would be so cool!”

I left the room. That was just plain wrong.

Irritation rules the morning.

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Noah is having yet more trouble with his motorcycle so he is borrowing the car. This means that he dropped me off this morning before setting off to work. I realized about two minutes after getting out of the car and seeing him drive away that I didn’t have my 2-3 minutes to collect myself and get my stuff in order before I got out of the car so I left my badge and my keys. FUCK. This means I have to go through another classroom to get into my room in the first place and I will have to leave my door open all day despite the freakin cold in the morning. *sigh* So my classroom will be below 50 degrees through most of 2nd period. Awesome. It also means I can’t get into the bathroom because they all require keys. Ok, so my buddy next door will let me borrow his key most of the day, but I am going to be sitting here until 6 pm because Noah needs to catch up on work. No one else will be here much past 4 so I hope I don’t have to go to the bathroom during that time period. *sigh*

And we are going to a class tonight so I’m not going to get to bed at a reasonable time and I am likely to have this cranky extend to tomorrow too. Did I mention that I am on day two of being in a really bad mood? Poor kids. 🙁

{my shit} roller coaster of therapy

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For a variety of reasons I have had therapy with different people on: Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, and I have an appointment for today. I am feeling very very overwhelmed and I think today is going to consist of me telling this (new) person today that I am not going to be continuing to see her.

Short explanation: I was handed off from one person at the Y to another and I am not happy about it because it happened without my permission or even knowledge. 🙁 We have shopped around for a therapist to see together because we are running into a couple of walls and seeing those new people has resulted in a vast overload of processing and I’m feeling very very burnt out and drained. No more processing. 🙁

Looking for grateful

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*deep breath*

It was… quite a weekend. Lots of that processing shit, but a few large break throughs which really rocked.

Those of you who told me why you respect/love me–thank you. I keep rereading them and just knowing that you cared enough to respond is so awesome.

I still have the best husband ever. He is so incredibly supportive of my crazy that it just isn’t even funny. I win.

I have an upcoming visit with one of my very favorite Bostonians. YAY! It will be happening right on the heels of… my first ever trip to Vegas. I expect much fun and silliness and amazing as we are seeing Cirque (several shows) and Blue Man Group. 🙂 How is that for a Valentine’s present? 🙂

Stuff is still being hard, but I’m trying really hard to stop and see the wonderful in my life. I really am incredibly lucky.

{my shit} mommy called

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I called my mother and left her messages yesterday and this morning. She called me back tonight.

My mommy forgives me. My mommy told me that none of it was my fault–I was a little girl and I did nothing that needs to be forgiven. We talked about the things I feel so guilty for and she told me more about what was happening and stressed that none of it was my fault.

My mommy forgives me.

{my shit} Therapy homework.

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It is interesting to me as I sit here dispassionately looking at the many escapist ways I have of not getting to thinking about what I don’t want to think about. I hyper-notice the cleaning that NEEDS to happen (emphasis added to explain degree of obsession), and I need to go eat. Cleaning house was always one of the few things I could do to make my mother happy. I am also back to a feeling I haven’t had in a long while. When I am completely overwhelmed by my emotional state I cannot eat enough food to make me feel food. My stomach aches with hunger even after consuming a decent sized meal. Given how much of my life I have spent feeling this way I must stop and realize that I actually have a decently quick metabolism. Hm. But I am babbling because I want to procrastinate. I need to stop, but I really don’t want to do this.

Oh, this is going to be one of the few times I really ramble on and on as if this is a paper journal just for me. I don’t blame you if you don’t want to follow my ramblings and ickiness. And just to prove how much you really don’t need to read it: Here. It’s not even on your screen.