So, I went and talked to the main teacher of the nasty girl from yesterday and got permission to talk to the kid for a few minutes at the beginning of the period.
When she saw me standing there she tensed up visibly and I could see the hostile energy starting but I managed to stay totally positive. I asked her what was going on yesterday because we just seemed to escalate nastiness and it made me feel really awful when I left the class. I talked about my inappropriate escalation and how as a teacher I am not able to give in to power struggles in class and why I have to stand my ground on issues. I talked about how to approach me to explain (in a nice way) that I might want to give them some slack because they are working and I don’t need to come down so hard. We talked back and forth about tone of voice and how often it isn’t what you say, but how you say it that is a problem. We shared that we are both OTR and prone to being nasty and how that isn’t really an excuse but it is a factor. We discussed how we can both try to stop nastiness from occuring in the future (I will be subbing for her class again).
I am jubilent. I feel really happy that I managed to talk it out with the student and probably lessen any potential future conflict.
You know what, I may be growing up.