wanting

11 Replies

-I want a day of not being touched. At all. But it ain’t gonna happen.
-I want hot sweaty sex where I get off and we don’t have to rush.
-I want to go to a sex party. God I miss them.
-I want to feel exciting.
-I want to feel like I am doing more than just household stuff.
-I want to have time to do more than just household stuff.
-I want to leave.
-I want to stay.
-I want to feel happy in my skin.
-I want Shanna to stop whining today.
-I want my tongue to stop hurting.
-I want to stop feeling like I am responsible for continuing relationships when the other person doesn’t seem to care.
-I want my yard to be prettier.
-I want to not have to do yard work.
-I want Shanna to stop trying to climb me.

No happy medium

Leave a reply

I’ve been rather slacker lately. Of course I feel guilt about that because I’m that sort of girl. So today I woke up early (5:30) and got moving. Before 7:15 I have:

started diaper laundry
taken out the recycling
moved stuff from the garage to Noah’s office
found a box in the mostly dark shed out back
packaged up books for shipping
went to the Post Office and shipped said books
stopped at Safeway for a couple of things we were out of
bought Noah a doughnut 🙂
picked up the kitchen a little
made steel cut oats for breakfast
read all my email and livejournal
and pottied Shanna.

Not terrible. 🙂

Cranky

13 Replies

Shanna and I are both being buttheads. It doesn’t help that we’ve had two poopy diapers in the past two days. They do not make me happy. WHY ISN’T SHE GOING ON THE POTTY!??!?!?!!!!!! 🙁 She’s pooping at completely random times which is really unusual. (Uhm, for those of you who are probably confused about why I am upset about poopy diapers–we EC. I have had probably five poopy diapers total in the past four or five months.)

I think we are both being so awful because of the heat. It’s probably also why her bowels are off-kilter. I know that the heat always makes my system go haywire. (That’s probably a lot of over share. You’re welcome.)

ANNOYED. IRRITATED. ICK!

One more reason to homeschool.

12 Replies

Yes, I’m aware this is an unusual case. The attitude of the school administrators is sadly not unusual: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=103215199

Supreme Court To Hear School Strip-Search Case

The U.S. Supreme Court hears arguments Tuesday on whether school administrators may strip-search a student based on mere suspicion that the student may possess drugs.
Continue reading →

Good day

2 Replies

It looks like they are getting started on my roof very soon! Yay! And I get to feel awesome about the fact that I am the first customer for the guy who will be installing my solar panels. (He has a lot of experience but he recently started his own business. He is the ex-boyfriend of my sister and they are still friends. I’ve known him for almost a decade and he is a really good guy.) We also got a hit on the books we listed on Amazon. So between taking most of our books to the used book store and putting this one set on Amazon we made over $300. (Are you happy, Rebecca?) That’s probably only like 10% of what we originally paid, but such is life. It’s better than nothing. 🙂

Shanna’s toys are now organized and out where she can play with them. I’m probably two solid days of working away from being done in the garage. I feel competent and cheerful. At this point my only big angst is the comp exam and there isn’t a thing in the world I can do about it. Have I mentioned that I’m grateful that I no longer have to study? It feels really good.

So I’ve been cleaning and OOOH SHINY!

Leave a reply

So I’ve been on kind of a ‘purge’ kick. But this is becoming problematic because I get about 75% through a task and I get distracted by something that is more interesting. The piles are growing all over my house. This is not good.

(That said: I finally went through my old toys from childhood because if I’m going to be a shithead about Shanna having too many toys maybe I should get rid of some of my pretty crappy ones from twenty years ago. It is both cathartic and sad.)

You know, it wouldn’t take much more effort for us to fit in this house without stuff in storage. I wonder if that is worth trying to attain. It would mean getting rid of quite a bit more. Hm. I’ll think about it.

Social!

1 Reply

I got to be social this weekend and it was awfully nifty. And this week is a much heavier than usual socializing sort of week. I am really excited. 🙂 That said, I tend to socialize heavily for a week or two and then hibernate for two or three weeks and start feeling crummy and isolated. That’s not a great thing. So I’ll give myself a buffer of being a homebody for a few days even while trying to schedule something past that. Does that make sense? Hmmmm scheduling. 🙂 (This is your hint to ask me to do something after the 1st of May. Oh man that sounds like fun!) Now I’m singing First of May. 😀

Not that this post is even remotely about perverted stuff, but I haven’t used the icon yet. 🙂

The internet is slow

17 Replies

Or so complains a friend. 🙂 So that means I will have to entertain you all. Dangerous.

Hmmmm… yesterday I went and met a new-to-me mommy (*wave*) and she seems pretty cool. The right blend of snarky and crunchy combined with the fact that she is a non-techie married to a geek. I hope this relationship goes somewhere. 🙂

Today I had a Miss Laura over. That’s always lovely. Now we have chicken and potatoes in the crock pot with vindaloo sauce.

Hm. That’s not very entertaining. Ooh! I’ll play a game. How about if I say some number of statements (uhm… 20? Can I come up with that many?) about people who are regular readers/posters on my journal. Then y’all can see if you can pick yourself out of the list. (Of course I am only guessing at who the entire list of regular readers are, but I have some suspicions.)

1. Your art is neato. I think your blog is neato. You should post more. 🙂 Don’t be overcome by inertia!
2. I think I should come to BR and have you watch my kid. She’s fun. 🙂
3. You are the only short story author I actually take the time to read when you post new stuff. You should feel all special.
4. Competency and good cheer are the things I associate with you most strongly.
5. Yeah, Spider man shirts are totally over-rated. 😛
6. I wish I could build a house there. I really do. Poopy commuting.
7. I think your hair should be purple next. 😀
8. Dude, you should post about something other than travel. Like, I don’t have the foggiest idea what you actually do for a living and I’ve known you for a long time. (yeah you’re a geek, who isn’t around here? except for me of course.)
9. We would actually get around to having dinner if you CALLED ME.
10. I really hope we end up moving to the same place. That would be neat.
11. No shit dude, I think you are the funniest chick (I wanted to put person but if I did then everyone would assume it’s a guy and that’s just not so.) I know. Now, if we could work on your self esteem we would be golden.
12. You must know I love you. A day of eating chocolate is not my thing. 🙂
13. I don’t think I miss dancing as a whole all that much but I really miss dancing with you.
14. I don’t think I should call your dad anymore. I get the impression he would rather hear my news from you.
15. Can your family adopt me? Especially your mom.
16. I shouldn’t be envious, but I am because I can’t believe you dropped your baby weight already.
17. So, how is the weather up there? Are you freezing yet? Are you still happy you moved?
18. I’m glad that your cat is smart enough to know that you still need the routine.
19. I feel guilty when I read about your knitting and gardening. I would like to be so cool. 🙂
20. When are you going to visit this coast again? It’s always nice talking with you and it looks like I won’t be making it east this year.
21. I’m glad you finally got something like support from that stupid school.
22. You do a good job of giving tactful advice even when it isn’t solicited. I’m amazed at how well you walk the line of not pissing me off. And you have to be the most respectful debater I’ve ever encountered. Good job. 🙂

Ok. I need to go play with Shanna now. 🙂

Just to be a shit.

6 Replies

Elsenet someone said how much they hate cryptic posts. Just because I am a tremendous shithead I’m going to once again post 10 things I would like to say to people. Persons may or may not be on lj so feel free to be paranoid if you wanna. 😀

1. Sweetheart, stop trying to please your mother. You are working towards ruining your life really fast in this process.
2. I think you have very good reason to be mad at him. Don’t forget to preserve your boundaries.
3. In years to come I am going to wonder if dating you would have gone well.
4. I wish I could either banish you from the periphery of my social group or become friends. This awkwardness is just annoying.
5. You stop talking to me for long periods when you are ashamed to tell me what you are doing. Maybe you should rethink what you are doing. Anything you feel ashamed of can’t be good.
6. I’m crossing my fingers that you find the right person.
7. I appreciate you seeking me out. That feels really good.
8. Please learn to sleep without my boob in your mouth. (Ok, maybe y’all can figure out who this one is to.)
9. I wish you called more. By more I really mean that you do it at all.
10. I’m envious of you. I wish I was that pretty.

Question and Purging

3 Replies

As for the question I asked yesterday–I didn’t ask because Noah and I are having trouble negotiating. We are both very happy with how we work things out. The only friction at all is because I have an insane work ethic and I would cheerfully have both of us work 24/7. He does all that I reasonably expect from him and more. 🙂 And I checked this morning–he thinks I do plenty. I asked because this is a frequent theme on some of the boards I read and I was sort of curious how people I actually know feel about it.

I’m starting to feel the urge to get rid of a bunch of stuff. This may or may not have anything to do with the fact that I am moving everything out of the garage and trying to figure out how to fit it all in the shed. 🙂 Part of it is honestly that now that I am done with the comp exam I would kind of like to get rid of the books I had to read but I never actually liked. Why am I storing all of those? Am I trying to brag about how well read I am? Yeah… I think I’m kind of done with that. I don’t need them anymore so they are going to go away. (Before you say anything Rebecca, trying to sell them online would add a lot of hassle to my life that would not be proportional to the time I would have to spend on the project.)

And in looking at how much kid stuff we have I reached the conclusion that I really really don’t want any presents for Shanna for her birthday. She’s turning one. She won’t feel slighted and we have way too much stuff for her already. I should probably send email to the family. If people really feel like they just have to spend money on her I will ask them to give money towards her college fund. 🙂

Subjective opinions.

32 Replies

If I were paying someone to watch my kid while I worked they wouldn’t do any household chores, cook, or running errands. That work is valued by society as being good enough on its own–even if I am paying one person to watch my one child and it isn’t a group situation.

That said, how many hours a day do y’all think a stay at home parent should do housework/cleaning/cooking? As many hours as the work out of the home parent? More? Why?

Cranky pants

6 Replies

I’ve got my cranky pants on, oh yes I do.
I’ve got my cranky pants on, how ’bout you?
We can do a dance in our cranky pants,
And then we’ll go to the zoo.

This bit of dorkiness brought to you by the letters I H A T E N O A H S J O B. It’s a busy day for letters.

It’s awfully hard not to be cranky at Noah when I’m cranky at his job. I know that he’s not happy either so I then feel extra guilty for being a butthead. ARGH! URF! HATES THEM PRECIOUS!!!

Good enough

9 Replies

One of my wonderful friends told me that I inspire her because I have accomplished so much and I started out with so little. If I stop and think about that even semi-objectively she is right. But there is always that voice in the back of my head saying, “But you didn’t do ‘x’ and you failed at ‘y'” and those things seem to cancel out my accomplishments. But why? How do I lose credit for the things I have done? I got a high school diploma. I was the first one in my family to do so. I managed to avoid pregnancy/abortion when most folks in my life circumstances didn’t. I am not an addict and I seriously doubt I ever will be–given my familial background that is huge. I have a bachelors degree and a teaching credential. I have been to five foreign countries. I have been to 30 states including an amazing backpacking trip in Alaska (have I said thank you lately, DA?). I am a fairly technically skilled top. I am a very good teacher. I have a good eye for putting together colors in interior decorating (if I do say so myself. :P). I’m a good mom. I’m a good wife.

I am sane. I own my shit. I am good about boundaries. I give and receive respect. I am an honorable person.

If I fail the masters exam what have I lost? I lose out on the chance to have a piece of paper to hang on my wall. I lose out on the ability to feel snotty and superior because of my formally recognized education. In reality I won’t be more educated if I get the piece of paper. I will still be in the top pay bracket if I go back to teaching because no one can take away the units I have earned.

I’ve been having a serious identity crises lately because I feel like who I am has somehow become less since I became a mother. It’s rather bullshit though. I’m not actively doing a lot outside of being a mother right now, but that’s ok. That is the season of life I am in. I wanted it and doing this does not devalue me.

I am good enough.

Experimental cooking

2 Replies

I’m going to boil some spaghetti noodles and chard. Then I’m going to stir fry them with garlic, oil, apple cider vinegar, balsamic vinegar, maybe a splash of soy sauce.

Hm. I wonder if this will work out.

ETA: I added harisa which is a blend of hot red peppers, olive oil, spices, and garlic.

This is hella spicy but really good.