Category Archives: adult-only

Published in the adult-only category

As awesome as I anticipated.

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My sister ran up and kissed me on the cheek and said, “I at least still love you.” (Cause of course I don’t love her.)
My mother thanked me for coming in a pretty sucktastic tone of voice. (I let my mother down so why wouldn’t I let my niece down?)
My uncle told me that I should come to his house at least once a week because ‘the women work more when you show up’. (I totally want to harass the women in my family to do more work for the lazy piece of shit.)
My niece’s father repeatedly groped my belly and kept making really strong sexual innuendo about how pregnant chicks are hot; this was overt enough to make Noah uncomfortable. (This guy tried to fuck me when I was eleven.)
My cousins didn’t really speak to me. (They are pissed that I offered to host Christmas so my 70 something year old aunt didn’t have to do all the work.)

Luckily I got to see two awesome women who show me what family actually is earlier in the day. I’m really grateful that I have such an amazing chosen family.

Random weekending

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I love getting to spend three days in a row with Noah. <3 Mostly we puttered and got house chores done but we had a few breaks for fun. Two things in particular: we took Shanna to Build a Bear because she has often expressed that she wants a bear that is -just hers-. All of her stuffed animals are hand me downs and I think she is tired of hearing that 'x' thing was Mommy's or Aunt Jenny's or Daddy's or... :D So she picked a blue bear and named him Blue. Alrighty then. :) And she did animal role play for the first time. I thought that was pretty cool and noteworthy. She picked a duck, specifically the anthropomorphic Elmer from The Sissy Duckling which has been one of her favorite longer books since she was too small to sit through a long book. 🙂

Pregnancy is all festive and such. I feel ginormous. As I see pictures of other people who are at about the same stage of pregnancy as me I feel confirmed in feeling ginormous. Why am I so much bigger than average?! Oy. Still not gaining weight. I’m currently reading Bradley’s, Husband-Coached Childbirth and it has some good pointers once you wade through all the obnoxious Christian references.

Today is going to be way too busy. I’m tired already. There will be over 100 miles of driving today. Ugh. But I’ll get to see my niece graduate from high school. That will be a good thing. I’m really glad she made it.

This is why I think I need a month of not leaving the house.

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How’s that for a subject? Yesterday I went and spent time with my cousin. She is getting ready to move back to Kentucky and I won’t see her for many years. It was nice to see her as at this point in time she is the bio-family member I am the closest to and that I like the most. Which is kind of sad because I have distinctly mixed feelings about her. (She’s nice and she means well, but she is a serious whiner and she’s rather dumb.) We walked around downtown Los Gatos for a few hours because the house just isn’t kid proof. They have a house full of sick old people and they have medication bottles everywhere combined with the fact that they have a bunch of animals and the house is dark and dim and gross because no one cleans very well. Not the best place for a curious toddler in my opinion.

We walked for probably 2.5 hours. Not that long, but we did cover a fair bit of distance. Today I am totally freakin wasted. I have no energy at all. I have this long list of chores I want to be working on but I just can’t bring myself to work. 🙁 I need to pick up a friend at the airport in an hour and a half and I don’t think I’ll get anything done before then other than eating lunch. Ugh.

I want many days of hanging out in my house so I can rest and do some freakin work.

Dear Lazyweb

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So I’ve been limping along sans working laptop for a while and it displeases Shanna mightily because I go in the office and she can’t paw at me. ha!

The things I want from a laptop are pretty simple:
very light
able to be dropped, probably repeatedly
decent battery life

I web browse and chat (IM). I run itunes and occasionally watch movies but I really don’t need a big screen given that most of the time I watch the movie up in the corner while I continue to IM and web browse. 🙂 I don’t program or do anything else processor heavy. I’ve used a Mac for the past few years because I got used to the free one I got from work and just continued after that. I’m not part of any computer religious wars and don’t really give a shit about them. I just want hella sturdy and functional while being light. 🙂

Any tips?

In today’s edition of “My Cute Kid”

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So Shanna’s birthday is on Monday. We are having the aunts and uncles over for dinner on Sunday. I asked her if she wanted a cake for her birthday and she was completely adamant that she wanted cupcakes. Fair enough. Then we get down to that eternal battle… vanilla or chocolate. I tried to talk her into vanilla by explaining that vanilla is my favorite. She categorically refused to consider not having chocolate. She explained to me that it is Daddy’s favorite. Right. I can see how the wind blows around here.

I got started with the process while she was still napping. Basically what I did was premeasure everything into small bowls so that she could do all the combining herself. She was really excited about doing that and was looking forward to it all day. When she woke up she came out and we got started in earnest. She did a fabulous job. I was quite impressed. She didn’t grab at anything (one of our more frequent counter issues) and she was extremely careful when she poured. In fact she did substantially better than me because I got flour everywhere. When that happened she told me in a very stern tone of voice, “Mommy! You need to be careful!” I was torn between glaring at her and giggling so I gave her a very tiny dirty look while I smiled. “Yes honey, I need to be more careful. You are right.”

When I finished putting the batter in the cupcake shells she acted like she died and went to heaven. She got to lick the beater and the bowl. I think this is her favorite part. 🙂 Now the cupcakes are in the oven and a friend is making me vanilla cupcakes this weekend because I whined on facebook. Hilarious and awesome. Yay!

Tomorrow I get to put the finishing touches on Shanna’s play kitchen. There is no doubt in my mind that she is ready for it. I think that her helping in the kitchen is going to expand tremendously at this point because she is far more mature about it than I thought.

ETA: I totally forgot to say the super cute part! I often absentmindedly sing, “There Are No Cats In America” from An American Tail. Shanna is now wandering around singing “There are no cats in Mary with cheese”. I can’t stop giggling. 🙂

In non-cranky news

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Dear god I’m huge. Getting around is getting difficult. But! Baby is happy and healthy and that’s awesome.

I am going over to Alex’s to paint Shanna’s kitchen today. I will hopefully get that bit done today so that we can finish the rest of it very quickly cause uhhh her birthday is Monday. Oops. 🙂

Holy shit. Her birthday is Monday. Expect tons of schmoop coming about that.

May has been fucking psychotic and I think that June is going to be a month of staying home and pidddling around with getting the house ready. I won’t want to have to do that at the last minute and there is a lot that could use adjusting before the baby comes. I can feel nesting hitting rather hard.

Well howdy

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No wonder I’ve had a few people call/IM me to see if I’m ok. I don’t skip a week on lj very often without saying, “HEY I’M GOING OUT OF TOWN”. Uhm… yeah.

So I’m still feeling fairly depressed. It’s not fun. I’m trying to deal with the individual issues as they come up. Lots of crying. But I’m not the kind of depressed where I feel suicidal or like cutting so I consider this pretty manageable. The therapy appointment is for the 28th cause that’s when she gets back from a conference.

I’m exhausted and fussy. My house is a complete and total mess and I’m having a really hard time caring. I have way too much shit to get done and I will only be home for a whole day one day for the rest of the month. I’m really really tired. I feel like my ambition is maybe not at an all time low but it’s pretty pathetic.

I’ve had a great visit with my midwife this week and a really good conversation last night with a friend wherein she basically said, “Yeah we aren’t having issues so it’d be good if you stopped thinking I hate you.” (only minor paraphrasing, I swear.) It’s a really good thing that people are so patient with me. I appreciate it lots. I also appreciate that regardless of my depth of current self loathing my friends continue to whack me in the head and say, “Yeah, well I like you; so shut up.” It’s all useful and shit.

And I have the coolest midwife ever. Completely supportive and awesome. No weight gain but my uterus is now measuring several weeks ahead even though I’ve been exactly on target so far. I’m working on my issues around childbirth and I’m pretty sure I’m hiring a doula. There is a particular chick I’ve known/been talking to for years whom I really like and that seems like a good plan. I really really really need a level of support this time I didn’t get last time. I’m all kinds of emotionally delicate. It’s kind of funny that I was physically fucked during my pregnancy with Shanna but I was 100% confident in how I would handle labor. This time I’m not awesome physically but head and shoulders better than last time and I’m completely freaked about labor. Brains are weird.

I hate this so much.

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At some point in the last couple of days I’ve realized that some of my recent flare ups of moodiness are really because I’m depressed. I hate doing this. I hate feeling this way. I hate the complete overwhelming feelings of helplessness and being defeated and useless and worthless. I feel so very alone.

Called the therapist I saw after the miscarriages. I’m waiting for a call back. I’m so tired of being broken.

the drama

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My sister called and I rolled it to voicemail. I really don’t want to have a conversation with her before my niece’s graduation because she will make the whole day hell.

She wants to know what is going on because I am ignoring her. She also wants to know why I blocked her on facebook and what is going on with my pregnancy.

I…

This sucks. 🙁

Body changes

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I reach a stage in pregnancy where I have zero interest in having any clothing touch my skin. I’m there. I’m actually thrilled that I am going to be in late pregnancy during summer. I really really wanted to go out today in a lycra tube top and a loose skirt. That sounds like the appropriate amount of material in contact with my body. But the high is going to be 62 and there will be scattered showers. Damnit. I’m not quite warm blooded enough for that combo. Life, she is unfair. 🙂

Oy.

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What I have done today:
Put our blankets and pillows in the car.
Eaten two meals.
Played on the internet.
Taken a bath.

And I can barely keep my eyes open. I’m totally wasted. Yeah, it’s time to go home. Luckily Jenny is in the air right now. I pick her up from the airport in ~3 hours and 40 minutes. She will get some time to stretch and then she will start the drive home. I owe her big time.

Oh crap.

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I seem to have hit that narcoleptic stage of pregnancy like a brick wall. This is really not good. 🙁 I went out to run errands this morning and I almost fell down in Target because I was suddenly so tired I couldn’t stand. Keeping my eyes open long enough to drive less than two miles back to Sarah’s house was really hard.

Oh shit.

and… now contractions are starting. Uhm. I think I pushed too hard over the past few days. 🙁

ETA:
Talked to midwife. She says rest, overhydrate, drink wine (have I mentioned that I love her), get a friend to drive me home on Wednesday or Thursday at the earliest, and under no circumstances should I do any more work in the house. Right. Shit. Well. Uhm.

I’d be ok with a non-dramatic pregnancy.

Sex!

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So a while back Noah and I uhhh took advantage of Shanna being the life of the party and we snuck off to the bathroom for a few minutes. No one could hear us, we didn’t leave a mess, and no one needed the bathroom in the time we monopolized it. The house owner saw us leave the bathroom together and was rather upset. Fair enough. Noah and I have talked about it a fair bit and given our personal value systems we don’t really have any issue with the idea of someone doing the same thing at our house and we are curious how widespread in our overall social group our opinion is. Thus, a poll:
Continue reading →

Upcoming off-line time.

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So I am getting ready to be go traveling. I looked at the calendar and realized that I will be traveling/in Arizona from April 27 – May 5. Then I am home May 6 – May 1012. Then I take off for the wedding on May 1113 and I will not be back until very late on May 16. Woof. That’s a lot of traveling for me in my pregnant, exhausted state. But! I will get through it with hopefully minimal whining. Of the days I am home in between travels I am already very booked on two of the five seven days. Eeek.

I am communicating this as if people care because at this point I don’t really have a functioning laptop. My laptop screen is completely dead and other things on the laptop are dying quickly. This is very sad because I liked my laptop. Jenny gave back the G4 (yay Jenny!) but the battery spent five minutes in my company and decided to completely and totally die. Given that one of Shanna’s favorite games is, “Let’s pull out the power cable!” it’s not very useful for me to have a laptop that completely and totally dies the instant it is not plugged in. (There is a new battery in the mail but it won’t get here before the Arizona trip and the wedding trip is off-grid anyway.) So uhhhh… yeah. I won’t be checking the internet much at all in the next three or so weeks.

If there is something very important you want me know, please sent me email. If you write a nifty blog entry and you think, “This is the sort of thing Krissy usually comments on” please sent me an email telling me specifically to go read it. If you think of me and go, “Hey! I’m not getting my usual stream of Krissy babble and I miss it!” please give me a call. 😀 I am 150% certain that the call/mention of thinking of me will make my day. If you don’t currently have my phone number I’m certain you know someone who does and I hereby give folks permission to hand out my number to folks who want to call me in the next few weeks. 🙂

P.S. I need a traveling icon that is a picture of the minivan. The whole back of it is made into a nest and I’m quite thrilled that I bought this van. It makes traveling soooooooooo much more comfy. I think that in another few years when both kidlets are old enough to handle traveling more I will probably start scraping together my pennies for a small RV sort of thing because I would get SO much use out of it. 🙂

Again.

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My sister seems to have given out my phone number … again. I got them to stop calling for a long time and now the creditors are calling like crazy again. I’m really angry. Given that I had already reached the conclusion that having anything to do with her is unhealthy I feel like this is just an extra slap in the face to remind me of why I don’t want to have her in my life. She is not capable of having her bad decisions affect only her. I realize that people end up having bill collectors calling for all kinds of good reasons and that not everyone in debt is a shitty person. My sister hasn’t felt like working in over a year so she hasn’t. She truly is getting harassed because she makes shit-tastic decisions and I’m fucking sick of them becoming my problem.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH