Category Archives: adult-only

Published in the adult-only category

Balance

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A long-time friend unfriended me recently so I wondered what I had posted that was so awful. After reviewing my recent entries I have come to the conclusion that it probably had nothing to do with what I am posting.

I did notice that I post about negative stuff a lot. That’s lame because I am generally in a good mood and my life is good. I’m not sure why it is easier to bitch and whine.

I spend a lot of my time reading (books I want to read- yay!), putzing around doing chores and errands, and caring for Shanna. I am finding that because most of my life is just so nifty that I feel extra frustrated when I feel frustrated at all. That seems odd to me.

I’m really enjoying being a homebody. I get out to socialize one or two times a week and I run errands usually one day a week. I double up on socializing and errands sometimes when Miss Laura wants to see me. 🙂

Next week I have finals for Spanish. I am going to start baking on Thursday. I’m pretty excited. 🙂

Request

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I know I posted a Christmas wish list, but really that was just for Noah’s sake. 🙂 What I *really* want for Christmas is for you to send me a picture of yourself that you really like. (And you. And you. And you over there in the back.)

See, I love having pictures up. I think it’s awesome. Mostly at this point I have pictures of Shanna and as nifty as she is, she is hardly the be-all-end-all of my life. If you think I consider you a friend, I want a picture of you. Actual honest-to-Gawd print photos would be my favorite, but if you don’t have a print picture you like of yourself it’s dandy-fine to send me a digital picture and I’ll get off my ass and figure out how to get prints made. (I’m sure it isn’t that hard, I’ve just never done it.)

These pictures can be recent or from the distant past (I have a fondness for the grinning kindergarten pictures). I have a mild preference for a picture from the time I have known you, but it’s only a mild preference. How do you want me to see you? If you want to send me not strictly-G-rated pictures I’ll hang them in my bedroom with the other non-G-rated pictures in my house. 🙂 [uhhh…I’m not asking for pornographic pictures–I mean more like wearing fetish gear or something…]

If you want, you can think of it as a meme. 🙂 [Hey rbus–I would love to know what you look like. If you sent me a picture of that creepy ass Santa I won’t be overly thrilled.]

Hazy

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It’s amazing to me how this stay-at-home-mom gig works. Caring for Shanna requires continual physical effort (it’s not *hard* physical effort, but it is physical work) and almost no intellectual effort. Yet I don’t have the mental bandwidth to do much else at the same time. Studying Spanish is hard. I don’t retain the stuff I do while I’m playing with her. I have to be interruptable at all times (As I come back from a diaper change that had to happen mid-entry). I feel like my brain is not working the way it used to. I feel like I am less smart, like my brain is on hiatus.

This doesn’t make the prospect of studying for the comp exam any happier. My daughter is the whole scope of my world right now, or at least I wish she was. I’m so happy most days. I love seeing how she changes day by day. This is all I want to be doing right now. It’s interesting because I have always derived so much of my self-image from my intelligence and what I am doing right now has no part in that.

I want to be done with school so bad I could scream. I have missed four semesters of school entirely in the past 23 years. Otherwise I have been in school for at least some portion of every term. I am starting to hate school. I am starting to lose any desire to learn what can be taught in school. There are still many things I want to learn–don’t get me wrong. I just want to go out into the world, damnit.

But I have a Spanish presentation tonight. And finals next week. And I have many more months of studying ahead of me for the comp exam. And I have two more terms of Spanish if I pass the exam. I have decided that I am going to study like mad and take the test in April. If I fail I am not going to bother with finishing Spanish. I have too much resentment as it is. I hope I don’t fail. I am going to work pretty hard to ensure I don’t. *sigh*

Down

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For some reason I feel sad this morning. I’m sitting here with the intermittent tear running down my face. I’m not thinking about anything. I don’t know why I feel like this.

Stupid hormones.

Adventurous

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Today I tried new-to-me food. I had: pumpkin pie (it’s decent), pecan pie (WHAT WAS I THINKING NOT EATING THIS YEARS AGO?! It’s soooooooooooooo good), red tuna (not oh-my-god good, but I’ll eat it again), salmon (same as the red tuna), eel (creepy icki texture I don’t need in my mouth again), white tuna (it grossed me out enough I couldn’t eat the whole piece), a California roll (not incredible but I could learn to like it), and inari (very awesome).

For those of you who are asking yourselves why I am posting about this, I have declared loudly for years that I don’t eat anything that lives in water. This was a huge huge huge deal for me. I think I should get a prize of some kind.

I did all this fish tasting after a really good day at Dickens Fair. I have some really awesome friends. I don’t get to see any of them enough.

Mixed bag

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Yesterday went extremely well. The only hitches in Thanksgiving were that everyone showed up late due to an accident on 880 so no one ate any of the appetizers (big freakin deal) and my sister/niece forgot the apple pie and rolls they promised (Sissy ran to Safeway and bought a pie and I had sneakily bought rolls Just In Case).

Everyone got along fantastically well. I was astonished. We had far fewer people than anticipated due to losing five people yesterday morning for a myriad of reasons. It was really nice though. I would go so far as to say I had a lot of fun. Towards the end of the evening Noah corralled all the youngsters into playing Give Me the Brain and Lord of the Fries for a while so I’m pretty sure he had a blast. 🙂 My mom and sister and I played Rummy and I lost abysmally but remained fairly cheerful. Shanna was on her absolute best behavior all day while playing by herself or being handed from relative to relative. Of course this means that my whole family is convinced that I have an abnormally mellow/good baby. 🙂

I did very little of the cooking and about half of the prep. Noah earned big fat credits that will probably turn into extra gaming time for him this weekend because he was so awesome. 🙂 The food was all thoroughly excellent and we have leftovers upon leftovers.

Even the rest of my mom’s visit was really good once the dog left. And the day we dropped the dog off I went to the high school I used to work at for a while and visited. Everyone made much of me telling me how much they miss me and how awesome I am. I felt really special and loved.

And over all of this wonderfulness is the pall that I am terrified of the comp exam. One more chance. I get one more chance before I have wasted years and years of work. I am so scared.

EC and to do

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Have I mentioned that EC is just the niftiest darn thing imaginable? Being only somewhat diligent about it leads to four dirty diapers in a 24 hour period. Those happened when I was immersed in tasks and I didn’t bother to go potty her. That’s really neat! It seems that EC is the biggest thing I can do towards using less water in drought awareness. heh Noah is the one who does the most consistent pottying though and I have to give him mad-props. He gets up with her at least once and usually twice every night to sit on the potty for a while. Seeing as I wake up in the middle of the night disoriented and I stagger enough to hit walls, I’m grateful. Best daddy ever. 🙂

Today I need to:
– take my mom to the Great Mall. While I’m there I will go to Bev Mo for the last few Christmas presents.
– Put together chairs and the other table.
– Dig up the table cloths and napkins and wash the plates sitting in storage.
– Take the dog down to San Jose so it can stay with my sister (a compromise was reached–thank goodness).
– Figure out what I need to get at the grocery store and get it.
– Start the brining process for the turkey.
– Juggle stuff between main fridge and mini-fridge to make room for the turkey.
– Work on Power Point presentation for my Spanish class.

Uhm.. I think that’s it.

Yup, still hate dogs.

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My mom is here. She informed me yesterday that she intends to stay with us till Friday. Last I heard before that she was going to stay here on Wednesday night and leave on Thursday, so this is a surprise. Honestly it wouldn’t so bad if she didn’t have a six month old Chihuahua who keeps SHITTING ON MY FLOOR. Have I mentioned that I have a baby who is right on the verge of learning to crawl who plays all day on the floor? Yeah. Fucking awesome.

So many pictures.

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I finally found a client for Picasa (I’ve been lazy about it) and I uploaded a messload of pictures, most of which no one has seen outside of my house. 🙂 Here is one of the most recent ones:

From Shanna

Here is one of the oldest ones:

From Shanna

Wow she’s changed. If you follow through to the album there are just shy of 200 pictures there now. In no particular order, though you can follow tags to see things by age. 🙂 She’s going to be six months old next week. I am amazed by how much she has changed!

Holidaze party

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Party! (Before you get lost in details: remember that I ALWAYS APPRECIATE RSVP’S!!!! Yes, I’m yelling that.)

What: Holidaze party. You will probably already be in a daze by then, so what’s one more party?

When: Sunday, December 21st from ~1pm-7pm. If you are having a mandatory shut down the week after we can discuss staying later and drinking more seriously.

Where: Our house. Duh. (If you don’t know where we live let me know and I’ll send you the address.)

Why: Because parties are fun. I will be free of all school obligations and feeling celebratory. Because I will have cookies and cinnamon rolls and brownies and crumbles and all sorts of other stuff for folks to eat. [I will have gluten free stuff (I’ve already figured out what I’m doing), There will be dairy free stuff. And I’m going to try to have some diabetic friendly deserty something as well on principle. If you fall into one of these groups here is your social pressure to show up and appreciate my efforts. 🙂 ]

Who: Lots of folks I like and Noah likes. Which includes you, so you should come. 🙂

FAQs:
Should I bring anything? Only if you want to. Things that would be the most appreciated would be food of the savory nature. Dear God don’t bring sweets. If you want to bring alcohol make sure it is really really nice alcohol. We got rid of all the cheap shit and we don’t have any desire to replace it.

Can I bring anyone? Of course your SO is invited. If you want to bring several of your friends please check with me first. This is a fairly large invite list and this is NOT A DHP. So please don’t post this to everyone you know. 🙂 If it looks like only ten people are showing up I will probably say, “Sure–the more the merrier.” If it looks like 50+ people I will say, “Uhhh… well… uhhhhmmmm how strongly do you feel about them coming?” Mostly I just want to have a vague idea of how many people to prepare for at the event.

Will the party be kid friendly? I bloody well hope so because I have no where to hide my kid. I will point out that if you are the sort to have a mandatory shut down the next week and you want to hang out later drinking and you do something in the garage it would probably be fine.

Should I bring you a present? I love presents! I love presents so much that here is a link to my wishlist. But no, you don’t have to bring me a present. 🙂 Or Noah. Or even Shanna. 🙂

Not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings.

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A chick is going on the outing tomorrow who I am not thrilled about seeing. On one hand I feel kind of growly about having to deal with her. On the other hand seeing for myself how isolating being a parent can be I don’t want to deny her the opportunity to meet new people.

HAVING COMPASSION IS REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING.

wanna be selfish. damnit.

Dreams and being stared at.

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This morning I woke up in the midst of a very cool dream about and ‘s new house. There was a secret room (that was really more like a secret wing) with all kind of nifty features. I told “How can you not find a secret room!!” She said, “No one expects a secret room.” I said, “That’s like saying ‘No one expects the Spanish Inquisition’–they bloody well should have.” It was one of those cool dreams with flying and such.

And when I got up and checked my email I had an email from a reporter wanting to come on the freak breeder outing to interview people. I responded and said that was not a good idea. I don’t want people to show up to this event and be put on the spot for being weirdos, thankyouvermuch.

Reminder! Freak Breeder outing on Saturday

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Are you a parent who feels like your friends group doesn’t quite know what to do with you now? Do you feel out of place at most parenting groups? Are you trying to figure out how to meet people outside of the parties you used to attend?

For the purposes of this invitation freak is defined as: genderqueer, kinky, poly, pagan, burner, goth, punk, trans, queer, bisexual, industrial, hippy, AP, or if you just feel like you don’t quite fit in at the local mommy group. You can be any of the above or none of the above. If you think you qualify as a freak, come on down.

It doesn’t matter if your kids are 6 months old, 6 years old, or 16 years old. You are welcome if you want to meet other freaks who can empathize with how being a parent has changed your life. You can be a bio-parent, adoptive parent, or an honorary parent. If you spend a noticeable chunk of your life parenting a child you consider yours, then you count as a breeder in my book. If you choose to reject the label of breeder, that’s fine too.

Come meet other freak breeders at the Oakland Zoo on Saturday November 15th. I will be arriving at 9:30 am. I will hang out outside of the gate till 10. If you would like to go I would love an RSVP so that I know approximately how many to expect: krissy AT bigrock it’s a dot com sort of address. If you RSVP I will also send you my cell phone number so that you can potentially join up with the group in the zoo if you are running a little late.

Please pass this on! Send it to your friends! Put it on your blog! Put it on mailing lists! I hope to meet a great many new freaks in addition to seeing the ones I already know.