To all the lovely people who expressed concern last night I am sorry I was so exasperated in your direction. I think your support felt a little too intense given the actual severity of the news I received. It isn’t as if I am suicidal over this issue. My lasting health is not actually impacted. I am not in any danger and neither are any of my partners. So yeah.

But I do still feel a bit ickier. A lovely boy tried to give me a kiss goodbye and I turned my head away. I think I’m going to be keeping my mouth to myself for a little while. Puppy isn’t going to like it, but I need a little space for at least a few days.

Puppy has been really awesome. He has had a partner with HSV2 and studiously avoided contact with the “afflicted” area because he didn’t want to catch any bugs. He has really had very few partners and has been quite safe. In a fit of white knighthood he told me that he isn’t terribly worried that I have HSV1 and HPV because he loves me and is really ok with taking risks to be with me. He says: “You are a wonderful person who has a couple of mild chronic infections. Unfortunately they are communicable but if I had to list all the diseases I got from my brothers we’d be here all night and I still love those little rascals. I’ll love you even if I have to put up with a couple cold sores.” I thought this was a combination of really awesome and stupid. What if I had something worse? Would he charge in and say the same thing? It isn’t as if we are making life long commitments at this point… what about the health of his potential future partners? Shouldn’t he worry about them as much now as he has in the past? But then again, given the percentages of humans who have what I have… not a huge worry. I don’t have something “serious.” I have things that are no more dangerous to me than having strep throat or mono or appendicitis. Probably less dangerous at this point. The HPV was a bigger risk while it was active–but it has been dealt with and it is unlikely to ever be an issue again. So yeah.

I am simultaneously talking myself into thinking it isn’t a big deal and feeling bad about the situation. I am such a freak. So far I have had two people be nasty, two be very concerned and want more information, and two people who told me “I wouldn’t even tell anyone about this because it isn’t a big deal. Don’t worry about it.” Why are these things traveling in two’s? Everyone else has been awesome and supportive. Four people are unwilling to ever kiss me again. You know what… yeah. That’s like nothing. I think I will be more of a freak about new people. And I am going to avoid kissing at the Plough. I am so into disclosure that I’m not sure how I will handle this. No kissing unless I announce I have herpes? Great. Most people will probably shrug it off, but yeah. It sucks. It does actually bother me that a lot of people have said, “Oh, me too.” Hey! You could have said something! But I think I am weird about disclosure.

Want

To balance the genders.

Like lots.

wow. The random one-off people are being by far the nastiest about the news.

I hate telling people this.

Just talked to my doctor.

Guess what. I guess that PP hasn’t been doing me right when I have asked for Herpes testing in the past. Either that or I have just recently contracted it… this is more doubtful though.

I have HSV 1. It is generally thought to be oral, but it can be spread genitally as well. So kissing me is just as dangerous as going down on me. Ha. I’m sorry everyone.

That’s two STI’s. Wow. I am a regular walking biohazard.

Much time has been spent with the Puppy. He is amazing and I feel so happy when I am with him.

A bump has been discovered. I’m not sure how big the bump is. It isn’t a personality conflict. It isn’t something that is “wrong.” Just something to think about and decide if I am ok with making that compromise. Hm.

(I have friends in these areas.)

WE WON!!!

The SF Superior Court ruled that that the state’s exclusion of same-sex couples from civil marriage is unconstitutional.

Take Action Tonight in Your Local Community to Celebrate this Historic Marriage Decision!

The following Equality California chapters and allied organizations are hosting a community celebration in support of today’s historic ruling in support of marriage equality.

If your area isn’t hosting something formal, throw your own party!!

Fairfield: Gather at 5:30pm the County Admin Building across from courthouse on Texas Contact Jeff at 707-208-0284 or email solano@marriageequalityca.org.

Los Angeles: Two meeting points! Your choice. 1) Gather and celebrate at the Abbey in West Hollywood (on Robertson, just south of Santa Monica Blvd.) at 6 PM (contact L.J. Carusone: lj@eqca.org; 310-625-1481), or 2) Gather and celebrate at Bienestar 5326 E. Beverly Blvd., 90022, at 6 PM (contact Mario Guerrero: mguerrero@bienestar.org; 626-628-5219).

Sacramento: Meet at the Lambda Center, 1927 L St at 20th and L. Gather at 5:30pm – Contact Steve Hansen at (916) 501-0525

San Francisco – Gather at Harvey Milk Plaza at 5pm, March at 5:30pm Rally at San Francisco City Hall at 6pm Local leaders in the marriage equality movement will speak about this decision and the overall issue of the freedom to marry. Contact Molly McKay at 510-332-0872 or Kelly Hart at 415-377-0147 or email Molly@eqca.org

Stay Tuned…more local community events will be announced as they are organized!

See You There!

May I mention how frustrating it is that I want to masturbate like crazy but it isn’t a good idea at this point?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I can barely walk. Heh. Fun.

I have to take a moment to say that there isn’t often when I look in the mirror and think, “Damn. I look good.”

Right now. Damn. I look good. These pants make my ass look remarkably good.

Even I would fuck me.

I defined “date” as: Have gone out on a date with. Not just people that I have had a Relationship with.
Kissing includes pecks, not just tonsil hockey.

boot_slut‘s LiveJournal Slut Stats The below percentages indicate what boot_slut has done with the 159 people on her friends list!

met 93.7% hugged 89.9% dated 24.5% kissed 32.7% seen topless 56.6% seen naked 50.9% phone sexed 1.9% made out 20.8% oral sex 12.6% fucked 12.6%

What are your LiveJournal Slut Stats? Sponsored via Adult Friend Finder. Keep this meme and others like it checking it out or getting free account! You may meet the match of your dreams!

Walking is painful. I had a great scene with Boymeat. (Scene report should be coming, but I have some work to get done first. Sorry.)

I loved my first single-tailing from the Puppy.

Uhm. Monogamy has officially begun. Uhm. Yeah. It’s uhm good. 🙂 Yeah. Uhm. MisterAJC- yeah the test run went well. So did the second test run just to be sure. And the third was even better. *big cheesy grin*

Then we got to spend time this morning just being together. It was awesome. He is a really good cook.

And then I came home to new rope from Monk!!!! And a steel ring for suspension. I am so excited.

And tonight I get to pick the Puppy up again and then pick up Miss Anamorphosis and go to the Fetish Ball! Yayyyyyy!!!!!

I’m sure there will be more uhm test run’s afterwards. *big cheesy grin*

And in 23 hours my labia will get pierced. This is nerve wracking. EEEEEEEeeeeeeek. But I’m excited.

In the past 16 days the Puppy and I have exchanged 53 emails. This is since we switched to normal email from tribe. Probably like 6 multi hour phone calls. And we have had 4 “dates” and we have slept in the same bed 3 times. Good lord this has snowballed fast.

Anyway.

So–today I have school. Ew.

Tomorrow I am picking up the gorgeous Miss Anamorphosis in the evening and we are heading to the city to try on bondage gear and pick up our tickets. I have no idea if she plans to spend any more time than that with me. We haven’t discussed it. I will do something or other to kill a couple of hours in the city before a party. I’m not sure which party I am going to yet, it depends on Boymeat. Who I may or may not play with. (Although–ironically, he and I have played one time last year at the event that is going on this weekend in Portland.) If we don’t end up playing I may end up coming home early-ish to rest up for Saturday.

Saturday I will do my best to sleep in. If I don’t manage to I will probably head to the city for the munch. Then I will hang out with someone or other or I will find a place to sit and read for a few hours. Then: The Fetish Ball. I have never been to a fetish event of this magnitude. It really is a major dress up event in the Fetish world. yay. It will be fun! 🙂 I plan to try and stay up long enough to go to the after party. Random expects me. (That is a person.) We’ll see how awake I am. In any case I will sleep at the Puppy’s house. He expects me to show up late and wake him up. We plan to have sex. *Gasp* So I may not get any sleep at all before I get up and go to the city at…

11am on Sunday to have my labia pierced. Yes. You heard me right. I am having my outer labia pierced. Hell yeah. I hear this is one of the most painful piercings. *gulp* Puppy is coming with me and will be holding my hand. He will then take me back to his house and we will snuggle on the couch and watch a movie cause I won’t want to move around very much. In the afternoon/early evening he will run off to work and I will head south to meet up with Noah and crew. Yay.

Monday I will be demo’ing gear at the Metal Bondage class in the city. Afterwards I will run away to Death Guild because a certain person IS HAVING HIS BIRTHDAY THERE AND HASN’T TOLD ANYONE CAUSE HE IS A DORK.

Oh, oops. Sorry about yelling that. 😉

On Tuesday I will see my Puppy again. I think I like this multiple dates in a week thing. {insert silly hearts here.}

So in the past 40-ish hours I have been with the Puppy for all but about 9 hours. How in the world did that happen? And how did I never get irritated with him? And why was it so freakin hard to let him leave? And he didn’t want to leave–I basically had to push him out the door because he really needed to go to work. We are both a bit blown away by this. And before he will step out the door he has to ask, “When do I get to see you next?”

For the past two nights I have been having trouble sleeping… but not because I am having trouble sleeping. Because I keep initiating sex in my sleep and then we do some serious making out and heavy petting and then we both kind of screech with frustration and pull away and try to go back to sleep. I think we are both about ready to stop waiting. HA! We need to have sex because we need to be able to freakin sleep! And right now… yeah… we are both feeling a wee bit frustrated with wanting one another and not following up on it. It’s been a little bit since I have had sex with anyone. I am about to crawl the walls. He asked me a question this morning that was uhm…. kind of hard for me to answer. He said, “Since this is potentially your last chance for a while to have sex with other people, why aren’t you going nuts sleeping with as many of your partners as possible?” “Because I don’t want sex. I want to have sex with you.” His ego is getting out of control. Ha. 🙂 It is kind of weird. Because I have been thinking about the fact that this really is likely to be my last chance to sleep with others for a while and I just don’t want to. I have been thinking longingly about Noah and Akien in particular as I am about to kill the motor on my poor Hitachi, and yet… I don’t want to call them. I don’t know why. I somehow seem to think it would be disloyal–even though it wouldn’t be.

Our conversation about female partners was rather heated as well. He gave me the “girls don’t count” line about continuing my relationships with women and was a bit blown away by how vehemently I informed him that yes they do count and he should be more worried by my being with women than by my being with men. It was quite a conversation. Eventually we reached the conclusion that though women don’t hit the same insecurity sensors in his brain, I consider monogamy monogamy. And that is that. So yeah. It was interesting.

This could be a long thing. That is terrifying me, yet I feel so comfortable with him. Just breathe. I am so glad that there are some big factors that are preventing this from getting any more intense than it already is. Namely: we both have insane schedules and we just aren’t able to spend any more time together than we do. Although I have basically reached the conclusion that I probably won’t be doing any Renn Faire’s this summer. I have so much going on already and I think it would be more stress for me than fun. Not to mention that I can’t make any pryactices before the summer is well under way and my perfectionist nature doesn’t like to think about going as part of a performance troupe when I don’t know the dances. I am starting to look into summer job type things because it will be nice to have more money and stuff to do when the semester ends. I am actually thinking that after spring break I will start looking for a job anyway just because scheduling didn’t end up the way I had anticipated and I have a little more time than I really need to sit around. And I want toys. 🙂 I’m thinking about taking off for spring break though, so I’m not going to do it before then. It seems really weird to me that there are only two weeks of school left after spring break. I should probably do a bunch of homework next two weeks and be basically done for the semester by spring break. That wouldn’t suck. And I have Wednesdays and Thursdays back. (After looking at my green sheets…)

This is my challenge to myself: I want to be completely done with all possible assigments (there is one I can’t do yet) by March 24th. This gives me 15 days. I have at least 7 days in which I can spend 6+ hours on this work. I can do this. No problem. And then I can delightfully slack for the remaining 3 weeks. 🙂 Yay! I like challenges.

Oh: I have been going to the gym a lot. I am sore. I also feel a bit better than I have been feeling. It is goodness. Due to funkiness about food selections I have had meat like 5 times in the past 6 weeks and I’m ok with that, but I am still trying to avoid meat in general. I don’t know how much longer this is going to go on. I’m feeling physically really good though. I think part of it is that I have been putting good stuff into my body through trying really hard to be consciously balanced in my eating.

I am so infatuated and happy and giggly and absolutely delighted with life right now.

We went wine tasting today after snuggling and having the most amazing non-penetrative sex I’ve ever had all night. We basically didn’t sleep. No one was penetrated at all. But I would classify what happened very firmly as sex. It was emotional and hot and fantastic.

This is so wonderful.

We talked and talked and talked about how we each feel about relationships we have had. We talked about my being bipolar. We talked about what we have each traditionally done in our relationships to keep our partners happy. We talked about what we want in the future. We talked about what we both think D/s means. We went through comrpomises that are ok and that aren’t.

I love his humor. I love his smile. He has the sweetest smile. Oh god.

Have I mentioned that when I call him Puppy he barks? OHMYGOD it is the cutest thing ever. And he barks when I meow. It is really sweet.

What am I getting into?

Are you sure?

http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/bubblewrap.swf

I am so not kidding. Don’t ask me how long I did this.

And Tom sent me: http://www.compfused.com/directlink/615/ I’m not sure if I have told ya’ll about Tom and my’s thing about Baby Got Back…

Have I mentioned that I am twitterpated? I can’t believe how well we fit together sleeping. I thought it was going to be awkward, because he is so skinny. I get to sleep there again tonight.

Falling. Hard.

So the Puppy called me as I was filling the bathtub and talked to me for two hours on Friday. That was really fabulous. The bath was fun in general. Saturday was awesome. I spent the day doing chain mail and talking to a cool Burner chick I know through tribe people. Saturday night was a nice dinner with the Puppy before we went to a fabulous birthday party. I was feeling less social than usual, but I managed to remain mostly perky throughout the night. Then the Puppy and I went back to his home and played. It was good. We still have not had sex. He’s mean. YAY!! Sunday we woke up and talked and snuggled and kissed and made pancakes for both of us a bacon for him. We wandered around the city for a while and walked past Sam. Oh goody. We found a way fun bookstore and browsed for a while. On the way back we had an interesting conversation about how we are both not perfectly happy with our respective bodies and we are both very happy with the other’s body. Go figure. But we decided to start a contest anyway. He wants to be stronger and I want to be smaller. (The weight has been creeping back on me.) So he needs to be able to do 5 more pounds on his bicepts (we picked this somewhat arbitrarily) and I am going to lose an inch from my waist. If he finishes first he gets to give me a really long, hard flogging. I haven’t told him what I want if I win yet. I am thinking about it. Either way will be stuff that would probably happen anyway–but it is fun to play this game.

Eventually I wandered to see other friends and tied up a hot girl and stood behind her while a fabulous man single tailed her till she was all bloody. God that was hot. I enjoyed seeing so many friends this weekend!

I went to the gym tonight. I am so determined to win!!

Oh. I forgot to mention that I fell off the vegetarian wagon on Thursday. I had steak. Rare. Twice. And then I started my period. Coincidence? I think not. I was craving Bloody Red Meat so bad I was about to scream. So I had some. It was GOOD.

Oh—hey there pretty little Kitty. I made a comment earlier that may have been rude about my not being able to eat like you. I am very sorry if I sounded as rude to you as I did in my head. I have a few personal issues around being stupidly jealous of girls like you who are thin without trying when I struggle so hard to maintain a reasonable size. I am really sorry if I offended you.

So instead I will pour myself a stiff drink and climb in Miss Jenny and Miss Sara’s bathtub. When I am done in there I will put my hair up in curlers so that I can look very good tomorrow. Either I will be impressing a whole lot of nobody, or I will be going to a party. I might as well be optimistic.

I do have lots of flowers, and that is all cheery and wonderful.

Akien and the Puppy. 🙂

The Puppy brought them on our second date and Akien brought me flowers to help me feel better today. So I have messloads of roses. It is really wonderful!

Damnit.

So much for my plans.

Tonight I am sitting home and feeling self pity.

I am so sick of being sick. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!