One of the few ways in which Noah is less than perfect is his complete lack of knowledge of 80’s cult films. I was being a dork and declared, “No more yankie on my wankie!” and he was very confused. He doesn’t think it’s funny. He has never seen the movie.
I feel so alone! *waaaaaaaaaa*
*cough*
🙂
Do I know anyone going to http://www.yaoicon.com/? 🙂
In our house we have a saying: The secret to happiness is low expectations. Thus Noah is happy with me. 😀 I take it as a personal challenge though and I do my best to go above and beyond to make him happy. So when I went to the store this morning I brought home a breakfast of his favorite things. Continue reading
Today I went and gave emotional support to a friend who is going through some pretty rough stuff. Trying to manage his needs with Shanna’s simultaneously was very difficult. And then she screamed the whole way home. I did all this having eaten a few bites of yogurt and granola (I accidentally dumped the rest on the floor), a rather scant amount of leftovers (a little chicken, a couple bites of potatoes, and about four bites of squash), some mostly-veggie soup, and a bowl of vegan stew. That’s very little calories in a day for me.
I’m so tired and emotionally wrung out that I want to cry. My head hurts. I’m really grateful she is asleep in the swing right now. And that we bought the mozzarella and prosciutto roll.
I’ve been terrible about cooking lately. Eating out is just SO TASTY! I need to learn how to cook Asian food.
Today I made: mostly veggie soup (lotsa cabbage, squash, celery, some carrots, tomatoes, potatoes, leeks, and two spicy sausages to bring up the flavor) and an awesome pasta dish with tomatoes, broccoli, garlic, and fresh oregano. I also cut up the veggies for putting corned beef, cabbage, carrots, and potatoes in the crock pot tomorrow. This quantity of food will feed us for approximately ~18 servings. We will mix it up by adding in roasted corn and eggplant over the next couple of days as well as trying out the tikki masala sauce we found at Costco with chicken and rice. That keeps us fed with a decent amount of variety for a week.
Oh yeah. I’m good.
So if I sit her on a chair (with back support) she can keep sitting for a while. When she falls to the side or forward she can push herself back into the sitting position. Very cool.
Yesterday she had a couple of opportunities to see other babies/kids and she watched them with great fascination. They were sitting and crawling and walking. Today she sits. She was also a little more interested than normal in taking steps when I pulled her to standing. I wonder if she feels inspiration or competition when she sees other kids.
I was amused because many of the babies/kids who were much older than her were basically the same size or smaller. That’s mommy’s little tank. 🙂
I know I have some former (and current) Santa Cruz folks on my list. Where would you recommend for a nice dinner?
🙂
Does it count as insomnia when you wake up after seven hours of sleep and can’t go back to sleep? Here I am, oh LJ. It’s 5:15 and I wish I were sleeping. Instead I am thinking, again. This is becoming a habit. This time my thinking is about much more melancholic topics that I’m not really willing to share. I find it interesting when people tell me they admire how open I am. I am open in very specific, limited, controlled ways. I don’t talk about the things that are currently able to hurt me. I’ll talk about them once I’ve worked through the issues and I’ll seem all deep and shit.
*snort* Deep as a puddle.
I really don’t like dreams that involve me brutally murdering someone in order to save my life.
*shiver*
So I think it would be fun to have folks come over for lunch/dinner and board games. Noah got a new game and he hasn’t gotten to try it out yet. (It’s this one: http://www.daysofwonder.com/mysteryoftheabbey/en/) Friday night or Saturday afternoon-ish would be great.
Anyone interested?
Yesterday was awesome after my pissy morning.
Today I haven’t gotten much done that is useful. I feel like a slug. I should go start dinner but I feel so freakin lazy.
Is quite long so: Continue reading
* Take a picture of yourself right now.
* Don’t change your clothes, don’t fix your hair…just take a picture.
* Post that picture with NO editing.
* Post these instructions with your picture
It says don’t change your clothes. So I didn’t add clothes. I was pumping. So I suppose this is my “Bessie” face. HA!
ants.
my shoulder hurting so that it keeps me awake while Shanna nurses ALL NIGHT LONG. (normally I can sleep through it and it doesn’t matter. there seems to be a protest building.)
waiting an hour and a half to have breakfast with Noah while he sleeps in. I should have eaten as soon as I got up with Shanna.
knowing that people are still breathing who piss me off. (it’s that kind of day.)
my arms hurting.
my head hurting.
stupid piece of crap Wuthering Heights. what a terrible book.
have I mentioned the fucking ants?
my cat getting whiny and needy when Shanna cries.
a variety of people who have hit my shitlist for their stupidity and/or obnoxiousness.
I could go on but I doubt I am helping my mood.
After being mocked last night by no fewer than three people I caved in. See, I have this uhm thing. I like for Shanna to actually get too big for her clothes before I move up a size. But then she doesn’t look terribly comfortable and she squirms in ways that look like she is demonstrating how uncomfortable she is. I ended up putting jammies on her that were the next size up because that was all I had with me and Noah got validated in his belief that she should be in that size now.
Fine. *sigh*
She’s 16 lbs and 25″ long. But the cloth diapers seem to be pushing her firmly into 6-9 (or 6-12 depending on brand) already. I WANTED TO HAVE A LITTLE BABY LONGER!!!!!!
I post links here so that I don’t have to bookmark. I’m kinda dorky like that.
http://clothing.cafepress.com/item/super-kid-bib/66873912
http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/kids-and-baby-clothing/design/13625898
http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/kids-and-baby-clothing/design/9751228
http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/kids-and-baby-clothing/design/18629146
http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/kids-and-baby-clothing/design/24486358
http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/kids-and-baby-clothing/design/16210113
http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/kids-and-baby-clothing/design/14052005
Is anyone going up to Manda and Tristan’s wedding this weekend? Uhm, obviously I mean is anyone from my friends list. I’m sure they have friends, I just don’t know how well we will overlap. I’m curious cause I’ve never been to Camp & Sons before and it would be awesome to have someone show me around without having to be you know, gregarious or outgoing or something ridiculous like that.
And they have outlets, right? I won’t have to try and blow up the air mattress with my lungs? 🙂
Maybe if I write about the things going through my brain I will be able to actually go to sleep again. I’ve been awake for over an hour thinking and it’s driving me nuts. [ETA: I was awake in bed for an hour. Then I got up and spent an hour and a half writing this. What an awesome way to start my week.]
She is getting pretty close to being able to sit up. See, here’s proof:
 |
| From Shanna |
And here is right after she was nomming Noah’s head trying to get to his spicy brains. Notice the clever, “What? What did I do?” expression?
 |
| From Shanna |
And then today I put her down on the bed while I was folding laundry. She played with her toys for a while (ok, she just made them talk back and forth–no really! The voices were awesome.) then she started doing the “I don’t wannnnnna sleep” whine. Then when I looked a minute or so later she was drowsing off. Here is evidence of her first time putting herself to sleep.
 |
| From Shanna |
This parenting thing is really awesome.
This is something that I would normally filter to just people who have requested access to my sex life filter, but I don’t want to. Hell, I’m not even going to cut it if it gets long. That’s all the warning you get.
Sex isn’t working how it used to. Hell, it’s barely working at all. Yesterday we got the opportunity to have sex (yay for Miss Jenny!) and we got started in a way that was very consistent with our history of sex together. Namely: not much in the way of foreplay and lots of roughness. At very first it mostly worked and I had one ok-ish very weak orgasm. Then… it just stopped being interesting at all. It wasn’t about what Noah was or wasn’t doing, I just basically checked out. I think I heard some noise that sounded like Shanna so my brain switched off the “sex” part. Noah talked about transitioning into some other rough-ish sort of uhm activity and I get the impression that he could tell from my face that I wasn’t real gung-ho. I was willing enough, but not because I was enjoying the sex. See, I’ve gotten to the point where I am having sex because it makes Noah happy, not because I’m really enjoying the sex. I really want to enjoy the sex; I miss enjoying sex. Theoretically I want sex, I’m just not enjoying it in the moment. My masturbatory life is uhm on hiatus. I try to masturbate every so often and it usually doesn’t work out very well.
I think that a lot of this is because my perspective has changed so drastically. I’ve always been a stories person and the stories that used to get me hot I now think, “If someone did this to my daughter I would castrate them and end up in jail.” I get violently angry. I’m not really sure what to do about this. Other stories have just never been that interesting. My brain is so firmly locked in ‘mommy-mode’ that sex is absent.
Noah offered to stop and just cuddle. He’s awesome like that. He offered to stop pushing for sex and we won’t try again until I actually feel in the mood and want it. I think that is a bad idea. A lot of our overall dynamic is dependent upon him being a very tolerant, cheerful, happy guy and if he doesn’t have sex for a few months that wouldn’t be so true any more. I *need* that from him. As a result I consider it my price to pay that I need to keep having sex whether I’m “in the mood” or not. (It’s not like I actively don’t want to have sex–if that were true I wouldn’t. I’m just not into it.)
I don’t really know what to do right now. I asked him to tell me a funny, silly sex story and we got through sex ok. I didn’t really orgasm during sex again, but it was more fun. It also doesn’t help that my wiring is very different now. I’ve always been a penetration kind of girl. Now it’s… not doing it for me. I need a tremendous amount of external stimulation (it’s like I became a regular girl) and orgasm is far from assured. I feel sorta betrayed by my body actually. Sex was so easy for me and now it’s not. And I don’t have time for the work it would take to figure this out again.
I feel lost and hurt. It’s no one’s fault and no one is doing anything wrong. But sex has always been such a huge part of my identity and now it’s gone.
