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Rob sez:

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“How well are you capitalizing on this year’s unique opportunities, Virgo? Now that we’re halfway through 2008, let’s take an inventory. I’m hoping that six months from now, you’ll look back and make the following declaration: “I’ve learned more about love in the past 12 months than maybe I ever have. I’ve also become far more skilled in the art of making myself happy. And I’ve finally figured out how to purge some of the martyr-like aspects from my generosity, which means I’m better able to give without strings attached and I’m more attractive to interesting people who are inclined to give me things I really want.'”

You mean unique opportunities like having my first child? (Can’t ever do that again.) Having Noah home for six weeks to help me adjust to having the munchkin? (We’ll never get this time back. We need to enjoy it now.) Figuring out how to parent? (Ok, so other people have done it… but it’s still different from the rest of *my* life.) I’ve certainly learned more about love. I feel overwhelmed by the depth of my feelings for Shanna. I am dealing with a lot of exhaustion and fuss and noise that would normally drive me bonkers. Instead I just feel kind of giddy. Yay the baby. And Noah… he continues to surprise and amaze me. I win.

Interesting people who can give me things I really want? You mean like 7 1/2 hours of consecutive sleep? Oooooh baby I hope she can give me that soon. 😉 In the meantime I will not feel upset about the lack of sleep and I will enjoy all the extra hours of the day when I get to gaze at her gorgeous face. 🙂

Oh yeah… bring on the schmoop.

Milestones: First bottle

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Last night I decided it was time to try out the pump I was given. (Yay Lauren!) That was a weird fucking feeling. I really want to start introducing myself as Bessie. I didn’t get all that much milk out… a detour and twenty minutes of reading up on the web… ok apparently I got a fair bit of milk out. Go me? She had an amusing reaction to the bottle. “NOT MOMMY! NOT MOMMY! Hey…food…cool.” I don’t think we are going to have much of a problem feeding this kid. Of course, mommy boob is still the best pacifier ever.

Her favorite sleeping position is on the Boppy. Let’s think about this for a minute, shall we? In order for her to stay balanced I have to be wearing the Boppy. This means I am effectively trapped during her naps. oy. She will sometimes sleep in the Moby but only if you are moving pretty much the whole time and not bending over.

I need to post new pictures. She already looks different…

Reason # 4384953 Noah is the best husband ever

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So today we had a weird interaction in the morning. I wasn’t sure what caused it. But I felt like it was hostile. So after I did my withdraw/pissy thing I thought about it and couldn’t figure out what caused it. So I asked.

My wonderful husband then proceeded to explain what he interpreted about my actions and tone of voice and I did the same about his. We were both reacting to unintended slights and misunderstood tones. We apologized for our respective halves of the misunderstanding and fuss. Then we cuddled and renewed our membership in our mutual admiration society.

Have I mentioned that I love my husband?

blurbs

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I seem to be reverting to my teenage years, by which I mean: “I’m booooooooored….ooh! I’ll eat!” Dangerous.

Tonight I am going to look at my oldest friend in the world as she parades around in very little clothing. Given my normal friends-group this shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s weird. (She wants costuming feedback before a photo shoot and her husband is one of “those guys” who won’t respond. I’m so nice.)

Shanna has taken to moaning a little as she eats. It sounds like that low mournful puppy moaning when they are locked up for the night. I feel like I must be doing something terrible and I can’t figure out what.

I would love to have a book club sort of thing about the Harry Potter books. Since I succumbed to reading them there are all sorts of nuances in the story that I would love to hear other opinions on. Noah is a nice start, but he doesn’t seem as motivated as me. 🙂

Our neighbors two doors down came over to introduce themselves. This is really awesome because they have a little boy who is 5 1/2 weeks older than Shanna! Yay! I doubt Shanna will be as lucky as I was with the kid across the street (uhm, the girl coming over to show off her underwear tonight) but you never know. 🙂

Been spending a lot of time thinking about how my friends are by and large having shitty stuff happen to them lately. I feel almost guilty that my life is so easy right now. It’s a weird feeling.

I’m not doing a very good job of reaching out to those women I obsess over. I think I fear rejection. But I miss them.

I’m spending way more time thinking about the trip to Portland than is necessary. Hey! Uhm, we’re coming up to Portland at the end of August for a wedding. I’m trying to decide how long we should stay and a lot of that depends on how many people want to see us. We will probably head up to Seattle for at least a day because Jefe will shoot me if I don’t come see his restaurant. He’s pushy like that. I’m not feeling very secure in the “people want to see me” department so if you want me to spend time with you on the trip feel free to nudge in my direction. I will probably be quite happy to figure out time.

Noah has this friend. I’ve never met this friend. I have mixed feelings about this friend due to a variety of things that hit buttons for me. I’m thinking maybe it is good that I not meet this friend due to a variety of triggery sorts of things. But I feel terrible and like I shouldn’t be so judgmental.

I’m judgmental. I judge peoples’ actions and beliefs. I feel like this makes me a terrible person. I can’t seem to stop.

If you are now totally paranoid that I am judging you, feel free to ask and I’ll tell you. I might be.

Hm. Maybe I’m not just bored. Maybe I’m actually hungry.

Meme-licious

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If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don’t speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want — good or bad. When you’re finished,post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Answers screened by default. If you don’t mind them being posted, let me know and I’ll unscreen them.

State of the Lizard

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What, you thought these posts would end with delivery? Psh.

She’s awesome. Of course. 🙂 She has gained ten ounces in the past seven days which means that apparently my milk supply is quite sufficient. 🙂 She is at 8 lbs 6 oz. She has already changed appearance fairly dramatically in my opinion. She’s plumping out all over the place. Her hands/fingers no longer remind me of Gollum. She is getting a double chin. Sleep is still going fairly well. She’s getting in at least one 3-4 hour sleep cycle a night and she gets a second every other night so I’m feeling alright. Because I do actually listen to people every so often I stopped trying to orient her towards my preference for day/night…. for now. We will come back to that after it is no longer biologically necessary for her to eat so often. 🙂

She does fuss a bit, but it is pretty clear that it is mostly because she’s a pre-verbal infant. Overall she seems to be pretty cheerful. She is starting to interact more and it’s really interesting. If you talk to her about stuff she reacts, sometimes by grinning sometimes with funny faces. I really wonder how much she understands. We have continued good luck with asking her to respond to specific things in specific ways.

At 16 days I must say that I’m still convinced this was absolutely the right thing for me to do. We’ll see how long that lasts. 🙂

And on for my body healing tmi…

Continue reading →

Not funny.

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Noah is a shit. No really. A complete and total brat. Some days I think I should tickle him despite his screeching protests. I can ignore getting my nose licked in retaliation.

Butt head.

I don’t appreciate his hyperbole mocking my overreactions.

Families

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Today we went to a graduation party for some of my kidlets. It was interesting for a variety of reasons. See, they are a couple and they have been dating for more than three years now but I can’t remember for sure exactly how long. So their family’s tend to combine forces and host stuff together as if they are already a long-term couple. They are given as much respect and support in their relationship choice as most adult couples I know and noticeably more than others. Their respective family’s were both extremely polite and friendly to Noah and I. They were curious who we were first, then enthusiastic because obviously I must be pretty amazing if the kids wanted me there. 😀

Watching them all interact was fascinating. They were nice to each other. There were obviously a few places where personalities are not a perfect match but people took a deep breath, looked at the sky, then shook their heads. That was the beginning and end of all the conflict. I don’t believe that they never have conflict at all… but my family has trouble passing up golden opportunities to fight. It was neat to be around. I liked that people made an effort to get along because that’s what you do with family. I liked that by and large everyone seemed to like everyone else.

And I liked finding out that the girl in question has decided to pursue a career in teaching due to my influence. I liked hearing both of the moms tell me how much I mattered to their kids. When I was getting ready to leave ST I commented to my fellow teachers that I was surprised by how many kids said they would keep in touch. I was told not to count on that because kids promise that all the time. Well, I certainly heard that promise from far more kids than have kept in touch; however, I feel like the ones I really want to keep in touch with are doing it.

So for the people who have told me that I am wasting my education by staying home–no I’m not. I did wonderful things with my education. Now I’m doing a different wonderful thing with my education.

girly bits

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So I ordered some cloth pads from www.lunapads.com and I am finding them to be way freakin more comfortable than regular disposable pads. I would highly recommend that anyone else who gets irritated by plastic rubbing you raw give them a try. They aren’t cheap though. I have a $5 discount code for a purchase made before 8/31. If you want to try them leave me a comment and I’ll give you the code. 🙂

Really–they are way more comfortable. And I don’t think the mess is any greater than with disposables.

I don’t get it.

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Why will she transfer from my tummy to the bed for a nap during the day but absolutely refuses at night when I want to sleep?

Although I must say, Shanna has earned some gratitude today. I explained to her this morning when she was being fairly fussy that I was having trouble staying patient because we had a very sleepless night and I needed her to settle down for a couple of hours and take a nap with me. She looked at me and fussed for another few seconds. Then she turned to the boob, latched without being fussy and fell asleep a few minutes later. She slept soundly for a few hours and I got in a much needed nap.

I’ve been surprised several times by how well she responds to verbal negotiation. I’m pretty sure I can’t count on it at this point, but… it’s been working. I don’t do it constantly and in general I let her do her thing without trying to change whatever it is she is doing. But a few times I’ve told her what I needed from her and she just did it. Very cool. 🙂

La di da

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Alright, it’s official. I’m bored. 🙂 I’m still not feeling perfectly up to snuff. My abdomen hates me on a regular basis. But when I’m sitting still I mostly feel ok. And as much fun as Shanna is to babble with, her response is not yet intellectually stimulating. 🙂

Thus I am now to the point where I will say: Hey! Come visit! The visit can last a couple hours! 🙂

w00t! I is smart!

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I was reminded that SJSU posted grades (Thanks Mitrian).

I got an A- in criticism and a B+ in genre studies. Yay! Considering how very little effort I put into the classes I am thrilled. 🙂 This ensures that my GPA is high enough to earn an MA. (Not that I was actually worried…) Now I need to study for a comp exam and study Spanish some more so that I can pass a written translation. I’m really rusty on Spanish, but I figure this is doable.

The cute!!

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This morning I have been playing music for Shanna and singing along. Mostly she is just very intently looking at me. Then I got to Cher, the “Believe” album, which is very techno. She started swinging her arms like mad and squeaking with glee. It was ridiculously cute. 🙂

At some point I will get back to blogging about things other than the cuteness of my daughter. But for right now I am sitting on my bed playing with, holding, and feeding my daughter all day. Yeah… I just don’t have anything else going on. We’ll see how things go once I heal from birth.