So much of how I see myself is wrapped up in my competence. For all that I make fun of not being good at things, no really–I am fuck-you good at a lot of things.

And I can’t do them right now. And my body is awkward. And I feel stupid and lame and like I’m a big fat failure. “I know that isn’t true.” It’s how I feel. It really hurts watching people go off and do things that I am really good at and I can’t do it. Hell, it’s annoying that getting up from furniture is getting difficult sometimes. Even as I accept help I feel like I am more and more pathetic.

Tonight isn’t my best night ever.