Ok, I had a margarita yesterday and impulsively decided to do something. I invited the psycho-ex over. Some of you may start going through your mental rolodex now and think…”But… I thought she didn’t have a psycho ex…” You would be so right. I have entirely reasonable, wonderful ex-boyfriends. Puppy has a psycho ex-girlfriend though. And he wanted me to meet her and I am stupid, so I gave in.
I don’t like her. I don’t like her in any way. She is competitive about everything. If she has done something one time she is better than anyone else who has ever done it. I had my friend Mo over as a buffer, and that was a really smart idea. This bitch had the presumption to sit there and lecture Mo on what working theatre is like. For those of you who don’t know Mo (your life is much less amusing, I’m sorry) she has been a working actor for 30 years. Most of that time in theatre. So this stupid little bitch has been doing theatre for two years and wants to lecture Mo? My jaw literally hit my chest. The conversation morphed and I made a comment about loving amazon.com’s used section because I save messloads of money. She then lectured me on why she believes it is better to support local booksellers because real people are behind them. Look bitch, the people on amazon are real people who need to eat as well. And if I had a rich mommy and daddy footing the bill maybe I could afford to be more fucking liberal with my money as well. Mo and I started talking about Andrew (ok the conversation started because we were discussing porn and I brought up “Lusty Lesbians”) and I showed her the books that he gave me before he moved. Two very very very nice books. One is a copy of Milton printed in 1832 and the other is a book on religious discourse in Italian printed in the mid 18th century. I don’t remember the year and I have to stop and think about roman numerals too hard. This prompted this bitch to go off on how she has an extensive collection of old religious books in numerous languages. I think if she hadn’t had a nasty tone of voice I would have felt she was trying to identify with me, but she wasn’t. She was trying to top me and I just don’t play those games. I was just talking about how great Andrew was, not how great I am for having two books. Whoopie. The objects aren’t important in and of themselves and I am not going to play games about who is better for having them.
I want to get this bitch in a room with japlady so bad I can taste it. I even told Puppy that I really want those two to be in a room together. Yeah… it will be funnier than hell. About 15 minutes into the conversation my thought was japlady is going to hate her. I am sick enough that this made my smile go from ear to ear.
She lectured me about Disney. Ok. Stop and think about this one. I am a major Disney-phile who has done more research than a sane person should on the history of the movies and somewhat about the company. AND I did my best to do my focus on children’s literature. Ok bitch, tell me again about how Disney changed the stories? I’m too stupid to understand and I need small words as you tell me this surprising fact. I think this section of the conversation alone would have made me hate her. Do Not talk down to me on one of my pet topics. Just don’t. It is a fast way of earning my emnity.
And those games that japlady predicted? In spades and of course Puppy didn’t notice. Lots of female game playing shit possessive references to him and his family and friends. She has seen him recently and he told me she already asked those questions, but uhm… they had to be said in front of me to indicate that she has some sort of insider knowledge? I don’t give a shit. He looked at something on the computer and then closed the browser. The desktop picture is one of he and I and the rest of his family when we were white water rafting in North Carolina last month. Her eyes narrowed and she asked about the picture in a really nasty tone of voice. I started blinking and felt flat shocked. Dude. At least try to hide your nastiness. I kind of felt like she declared war and I didn’t have to be nice anymore.
And she is very young. We got into a debate on word origin of the word cohort and Puppy pulled out his Latin dictionary. She started thumbing around idly and started doing the Beavis and Butthead laugh when she found the word “coitus.” I couldn’t help myself. I said, “Wow. I feel like I am sitting in a high school classroom.” She didn’t like that at all and was really pissy. She brought it up and was nasty about it four more times before she left.
I feel no need to become friends with this petty, obnoxious, little girl. I gave it a shot. I’m done. And yes, I think she is potentially dangerous. That kind of fierce competition with no filter on her impulsive behavior is dangerous. I don’t think it matters what I think. Puppy is going to do whatever he wants.