Tag Archives: kink

Pondering Folsom

3 Replies

A friend asked me if I had any time to see him this weekend, cause he assumed I would be busy with Folsom stuff. First I laughed. Then I pondered. Whereas I certainly couldn’t do parties at this point (all of them are far enough away from my house that I would spend more time in transit than I would playing so it so it isn’t worthwhile) but I can maybe hit the fair itself for an hour or so.

So uhm… I think we’re gonna go. I’m more than a little amused that Shanna is going to a perv event at four months old. (I tell myself that she won’t remember…) Goodness knows I won’t think it is ok to bring her next year.

Very amusing to me.

Much yay!

7 Replies

Last weekend Noah and I put together two dressers for the baby’s room. (Not that the kid will sleep or do much of anything in there for years…) Now the baby clothes can actually be sorted by size and I will be able to find various blankets and diapers and so on. Yay!

Then yesterday Miss Jenny came over early in the day and helped us with an Ikea run. We bought dressers for our bedroom and one bookshelf. At this point we expect to need three more bookshelves but we were out of room in the vehicle on that run. 🙂 I’m not 100% certain how/when the other three sets will be purchased because one set would fill our car and three runs to EPA would a pain in the ass. *grrrr* Hm. Must ponder. So Miss Jenny helped put together the first dresser. Then James arrived! He put almost all of the second dresser together by himself as Miss Jenny helped with other assorted box stuff and putting together drawers. Yay! So excited.

Then we went to the Laura Antoniou class on Protocol in Relationships. She is a very entertaining speaker. 🙂 We are going to try to get to her class tonight on Edge play. 🙂

Last night I talked to a guy I have known in the scene for years and years and he is going to come help us move stuff this weekend. Yay! So far it looks like just Cyrano is coming over on Sunday (we have tons of boxes, no really). With luck we will get all the heavy lifting stuff done. *cross fingers* Yes, Mo! I will probably delighted to have you come over on Tuesday (Monday is my class day) and help if you are able.

I have told Noah that whatever we get done as of Sunday is the end of what he needs to do for big stuff. My baby (uhm, the big one) is getting pretty badly wore out trying to keep up with his job, basic house chores, and doing the projecty stuff that I am focused on doing. It’s not very fair to him. Soon the Lizard will be here and we will both be wore out as we focus on that. I need to give him time to rest up.

Which means that progress next week is going to be very very slow as I move at a snail’s pace. 🙂

{insecurity} Non-monogamy

14 Replies

Attention! This is my shit! I’m not blaming this on anyone else! That said…

I showed up in the bdsm community almost 9 years ago. In that time I have been mostly monogamous (I still think that “girls don’t count” is not the same thing as monogamy), monogamous for a brief period under duress, polyamorous, and slutty. Even during the monogamous period play with other people was never completely forbidden. It was limited, but it happened anyway. Throughout basically all of this period knowing that my partner wanted to have sex and/or play with other people has been really really awful for me. If I added up all the time I have spent crying and feeling like I am not enough I would probably be able to point at months and months of my life that I can’t get back. Why? Why do I keep doing this?

I have always felt that if you are going to be part of “the scene” then that entails certain behaviors: namely, that you aren’t really actually completely monogamous. I’m not sure I have ever known a couple who really and truly had no contact with other people. Maybe my memory is being fuzzy. I know a lot of “mostly monogamous” or “polyplayful” people, but that is still allowing a lot of fuzzy borders. The fuzzy borders are really hard for me.

At this point I have reached the conclusion that I continue to play with other people and engage in that kind of contact because that is one of the primary ways I get people to like me. I kind of wonder if part of the reason I have “phased out” as a bottom in the view of most of the community is because I’m not an easy bottom to play with so I assume people don’t want to bother with me and I don’t ask. It’s really easy to stay popular and liked if you are a good top though, and I am. I feel like I do a lot of it because I want people to like me. That may actually be why I’m ok telling guys that I don’t want to top them and not girls. I’m more confident that guys will like me anyway without me having to do as much for them but girls seem like I have to earn their liking me.

I’ve always liked fantasizing about doing things with lots of people. It’s a mainstay of my masturbatory life (ha! There’s TMI for you.) but when I actually do it I don’t tend to get as much out of it. When I am single and playing with lots of people I believe that I end up with a mostly neutral reaction after playing–it’s fun, but there isn’t much that impacts me positively or negatively long-term. When I’m in a relationship I feel massive guilt and ambivalence for a while to come. Opening up my relationship with Tom to include sex with other people was really hard for me. At that point I think the increased amount of sex was something that was a beneficial thing because I desperately needed that chemical fix, but I felt guilty. I felt like I was betraying him. I think the fact that we had frankly discussed before that point that the relationship wasn’t likely to be “forever” was the only reason I could do it. I was already starting to pull away from him and from the relationship. I still don’t know if that was really a good thing to do or not, but I really wasn’t ready to just walk away that early. Seeing as the last six months were actually pretty good overall I feel like I didn’t do anything too awful. I don’t know if he agrees or not and he probably won’t tell me. 🙂

But anyway. So I like to think about doing things with other people–that doesn’t lead to guilt or feeling bad. But when I actually follow through I tend to feel varying degrees of bad. I played with two different women at TNGcon. One of them did a little bit of decorative bondage on me–that wasn’t too bad for lingering guilt. It was mellow and emotionally distant so I didn’t internalize much. With the other chica I tied her to a chair and was fully intending on just punching/hitting her but she made it very clear she wanted sexual play. So I ended up fisting her. I’ve had a hard time with that. I’m not angry with her or blaming her or saying anything bad about her. I’ve had a hard time with knowing that I did that. I’ve struggled with whether it counts as sex given that I didn’t really want to have sex with her. I did it because she wanted me to and not really because that was something I was jonesing for doing.

But I came home and bragged about it. I know. On one hand I was glad that I got to feel like someone wanted me and I really like the feeling that someone wants me. I don’t get that same kind of “oooooh he/she likes me!” from a steady partner. But I also have felt pretty uncomfortable with having done it. Longer term I’ve realized it was a bad decision. I have tried so hard for so long to maintain my identity of being a sexual outlaw that I think I do things just to maintain that identity that I don’t actually want to do. It is important to me to be the kind of person who does outrageous things so I don’t pay attention to how I feel when I do them. Cause you know what–I tend to feel like crap. I don’t talk about that part much though. I rarely even do a good job of identifying to myself what I’m feeling. But it’s there.

Then we get to my partners playing with other people. I can’t count the number of nights I have sobbed through when Tom or Noah have been out with other people. Hell, there were a few dates where I was off with Erik for the weekend and Noah was on a date when I would sneak off to the bathroom and cry because Noah was on a date and that made me feel awful. How is that for lame? (This isn’t to say that my relationship with Erik wasn’t good–it was. I’m glad I dated him. I’m even more glad we are friends now. He’s a great guy.) But I massively do that “primary” bonding thing. I have never really been able to split loyalties well. Whoever I’m ‘with’ as my primary is the one I am focused on. I have tried pretty hard to split that and I suck at it. I feel bad. I feel like I am hurting everyone involved even when they are all pretty cheerful about the split. (I don’t think it would have been possible to date two guys at once who are more mellow than Noah and Erik and have them still have a pulse.) Does this mean that I have never loved more than one person at a time? No. I certainly have, but I don’t split focus well without feeling horrible and terrible about it. There is at least one person out there in the cosmos who I love pretty madly but I’ve never really been able to make a relationship work there and I’ve given up trying. It’s ok. The friendship is still good.

I don’t know how to not feel terrible about my partners playing with other people. This has been an issue with Tom, Noah, James, and Puppy. Much less of an issue with James or Puppy–but there were still bad spells with them. This play can be but doesn’t have to be sexual. I mean, Tom usually tied people up with all their clothes on and never even kissed them–I still felt awful. He wasn’t doing anything threatening to our relationship in the slightest and he was certainly not breaking rules. Noah has done everything possible to earn my trust and I still feel like him going off with other people for platonic bondage practice is hugely invalidating to me and our relationship. (This is complicated by my own body limitations and issues at the moment.) I’ve given him permission to do it though. I encouraged it. I even suggested it. Why? Because that is “what I should do.” I’m big on doing what I should do even when I hate it and it makes me feel like shit.

Despite the fact that I am “not a real masochist” I think I like doing the things I “should do” that will make me feel terrible. The fact that I feel so bad about doing the things I think I should do validates my overall shitty opinion of myself. I shouldn’t be so upset. I shouldn’t feel possessive. I shouldn’t feel jealous. But I am. And I do. And I do. So I sit and I cry. And I don’t place many limits on my partners even though I would kind of like to. I feel like if I issue an ultimatum then I deserve to lose. If my partners wanted me enough, if I were enough, then they just wouldn’t want to go play with other people. Then I wouldn’t have to place limits. But I’m not enough and I have to accept that. And part of how I accept that is pretending that it’s all fine and I want to go play with other people too.

But I think I should stop. Other than in the realm of fantasy I don’t really want to play with other people. I feel bad about myself when I do. It’s time to be nicer to me and stop pushing me to do this.

Noah, after listening to me talk about some of this came to the conclusion that he should stop playing with other people. The problem is, now I feel like he is doing it under some sort of duress. I feel like he would really like to still do it. He’s pretty clear that being with me is much more important than any amount of play with other people, but I still don’t believe it. I’m scared. I’m scared to trust him that he is doing what he wants. I’m scared that if I do start to trust this and believe in it then down the road he will change his mind and that will hurt so much. If I hold on to the distrust now then I won’t be hurt as much later if he decides he does want it. Then I will get to be proven right that I should have shitty self-esteem because see–I’m not enough.

I don’t know how to win on this one.

{dirty} For the folks who were bitching about TNG con.

5 Replies

This came out on the Center for Sex and Culture’s mailing list.

*Sunday evening, 5/4, 7 pm — LAURA ANTONIOU presents THE REVENGE OF THE MIDDLE AGED GUARD

You’ve been there; you’ve done that. So why do things seem so much more complicated now? If you remember when “my space” meant where you took a hot date after dinner, links were for chains and poly was followed by “ester” you may be feeling your age a bit. Laura sure is; her bed time bears a suspicious resemblance to the time she used to go out to SM clubs. This round table is designed for those who aren’t ready for old fart status and aren’t sure if they’re want to be added to a Facebook friends list, either. Limited kvetching allowed, but more designed to discuss what our experiences have taught us and what we want to do to enhance our personal and community relations. No one under 32 allowed! Go to a dang TNG meeting or have a mocha soy latte with a shot of mango and text your BFF on how unfair the world is.

See Laura’s bio with her 4/29 class listing.

At the Center for Sex & Culture, 1519 Mission near 11th — look for the pink awning.
CSC can take checks and credit cards (Visa, MC and Discover). Pre-register at (415) 255-1155 or mail@sexandculture.org

Where your humble blog host throws herself on your mercy.

36 Replies

So I’m helping to run this con. At this point it seems as though people don’t know it is happening and therefore aren’t registering. Here is information on it. Because this is my private blog and you are probably someone I like and consider a friend I will say rather bluntly: please dear god come to the event. We need to have at least 40 people in order to break even. That’s not much. And dude, I have some totally fucking awesome classes lined up.

Please forward the below information to anyone you think might be vaguely interested.

TNG4 – Bound for the Bay
Feb 15 – 18 2008 — President’s Day Weekend
@ Edges, the Silicon Valley Dungeon
http://tngcon.org/

Come join us this Presidents Day weekend for TNG4 – Bound for the Bay, a gathering for younger pervs ages 18-35 and their partners, when it comes to the Bay Area.

Whether you identify with BDSM, SM, Leather, Poly, Kink, Fetish, some other term altogether or no label at all, we invite you to join us and some 200 other younger pervs both from across the country as well as locally from the Bay Area for three days and three nights of learning, socializing, connecting, and fun at Edges, The Silicon Valley Dungeon.

Registration is now open!

We have a number of presenters and speakers lined up including:

Lee Harrington – Sir Michael – Zuchtiger – Shamara –
Coral Mallow, Ms. Oregon State Leather and her boy Ryan
Boymeat – Ryan aka Psychokitty – Michael Delaney
Rita Seagrave- Tim (BR) – Arielle – Rae Goldman – Pepper Mint – Lark Ellison

We have tried to keep costs low for you, so registration will be $125 up to the beginning of February when it goes up to $150, and we have arranged a rate of $89/night (plus tax) at the Hawthorn Suites in Santa Clara.

We also plan on having fun, with three nights of parties and socials so you can get more familiar with all those new friendly faces that you met during the day.

Still reading? We will have a volunteer fair in early January to help fill out our volunteer staff needs, but in the meanwhile, if you want to help out, contact our Volunteer Coordinator at <volunteer@tngcon.org>

We will also be putting out a call for proposals for panel discussions in the next few weeks once we figure out how many we can add to the schedule. You can keep with these and other announcements by checking out our site and joining the announcement and chat lists from there.

Interested in advertising with us? Sponsoring? Let us know with an email to <sponsor@tngcon.org>, and check out the website!

exhausted, but cheerful

2 Replies

This weekend has been very very good. I have seen lots of fabulous friends. I went and saw the Wet Spots in concert (Hey Tim! Their website is www.wetspotsmusic.com ) and had a smashing good time after getting drunk on margaritas with friends. I have gotten to snuggle my baby. I taught a self-bondage class and it went very well. The pacing was just about perfect (go me) and I cautioned everyone to never put anything around their neck so that a certain someone in the scene won’t bite my head off. I got to grab A’s boobs, which will make any weekend ideal. Therapy was good and it has been agreed that I will no longer go every week, thus saving my back some wear and tear. It’ll be great.

Yeah, wonderful weekend. I wonder what I am going to teach tomorrow…

{dirty} Going out?

14 Replies

I have a wonderful friend here from Boston and he would like to go to the pervy venues. We are going to BaGG and we plan to hit PE and Edges. I would really like it if lots of people could come with us so I am soliciting the opinions of people as to which nights would be best for PE and Edges.

Come on! It would be fun!

Weekendy post

3 Replies

So there I was, nursing my 151 and diet Pepsi…

I like introducing people to my Northern California neuroticisms: turn off the water while you brush your teeth, turn off the water while you wash your car, turn the water off while you are doing dishes… I don’t know if other Nor Cal folks are as freakish about this, but my upbringing made a serious impact on me. (Miss Jenny–can you leave water running? See, tonight Noah and I washed our new car for the first time together. We had different systems. Of course mine won. 😉 No wasting water damn you! Don’t you know that we could be in a drought ANY MINUTE?!?!?!!!! 🙂 I’m so glad he puts up with me.

Anyway. We wasted some time and some money this weekend. We went to one of the most useless classes I have ever been to. It was bioenergetics of rope. During the class the teacher introduced a shitload of jargon I have never heard before, refused direct requests to explain, and then proceeded to spend 6 hours talking while telling us that the theory doesn’t matter, only the practice does. Oh, the practice means we did a little scene off on the side of the room and the creepy guy watched. What a fucking schmuck. I got better answers to my (many, many, many) questions from other students. Noah’s comment after the first day of the class was, “I liked the hunted look he had after a while of you asking question after question.” Today he just looked annoyed. It seemed like he went home and decided that he wouldn’t let that pain in the ass derail his class again! Schmuck. He ignored almost all interesting questions and was totally hypocritical. He also told me that the way I have been doing suspension (as a top and as a bottom) is just plain wrong and didn’t really explain why. There was also another chick in the class who very smugly said that suspension is very physically grueling and it just isn’t something that everyone can do. Why yes, you obsessive yoga-doing-freak there are kinds of suspension that are physically grueling enough that I wouldn’t do them with just anyone. Like lifting someone into an inverted suspension by one ankle. I won’t do that because you can pull the leg out of joint if there is too much pressure. But clearly her standards are different than mine because I have done that exact suspension while weighing about 190 pounds and I was incredibly inflexible. I am quite confident that I can suspend *anyone* thankyouverymuchyoulittlebitch. Oh, and they spent a while going off on how western style suspensions are inherently inferior to Japanese style rope.

By this rant you can’t tell that they seriously pissed me off. Really, I bet you can’t. Fuckers. In other news–the scene with Noah was Hawt. I loves me my boy.

And if I move further back in time I am looking at a long-overdue date with Spot on Friday. During this date I was tired, boring, and generally unentertaining. I swear honey–I will make it up to you. It was a hard week.

But yeah. It’s been a weekend. 🙂

{relationship stuff} Claiming

6 Replies

Disclaimer: So, this is a rather small filter. There are 15 people on it That means that most of the people you might expect to be reading me won’t see stuff on this filter. A bunch of you have partners who are not on this filter. I’m not specifically going to say that I don’t want you to tell your partner anything about this, but please be vague if you decide to share information. I was talking with Noah about my general need for processing in a way that has an audience and he is fully understanding of the fact that the over-share is going to happen.He did express a preference that when I get into the times when I’m upset that it not be terribly public. This is more than fair so I created a filter of really close and trusted friends. I am also distinctly of the opinion that when I am really mad at him for some reason, that is as much about me and my shit as it is about him or the situation. My goal is to never slam him publicly or privately and if I ever skirt too close to that line, even on this filter, please feel free to call me on it. I’m allowed to be mad at him. I’m not allowed to denigrate him as a person. When I want advice about how to handle something, I will specifically ask for it. Otherwise it is the standard”tread carefully” kind of approach to giving me unsolicited advice. 🙂 The people I am sharing this with are the people I love and trust a great deal. I’m sharing this stuff in this way because I do respect and honor your opinions. I’m trusting you to be ok seeing parts of me that I may not share generally with the world. I’m going to be talking about bdsm, sex, abuse stuff… who knows. If you don’t want to see any portion of this, feel free to ask to be taken off the filter; I will understand.

Continue reading →

I don’t wanna

2 Replies

I don’t wanna go home. I don’t wanna not see my friends up here for a long time. I don’t wanna miss the connection I have with some truly amazing women. I don’t wanna go a while without having bruises so big I can’t cover them with my hands. I don’t wanna go another couple of years without getting to really delve into the depths of my mind. I don’t wanna lose me and I had me this weekend.

I don’t know if I am going to be coherent or not, but I have another hour until my flight and I want to babble and no one is required to read this so I can babble all I want. 😛
Portland

Teaser

4 Replies

I want to get laid. A LOT. Being beaten turns me on. In the past two nights I have been punched lightly and heavily. I have been caned. I had a sjambok (spel?) used on me. I was tied up in a very D/s sort of head space. I have gotten to talk to old friends. I tied up a hot (YOUNGER!!!!!) guy who had the audacity to tease me about being an older woman while he was hanging. Dumb ass. 😉 I have missed the world of heavy play. I have bruises on my shoulders, back, thighs, and ass.

You know… I think Kinkfest was a good choice. 🙂 I can’t imagine being happier doing anything else this weekend.

Haven’t been suspended though. Bummer.

Scheduling!

13 Replies

So. I will be going to Portland on Thursday afternoon and coming home Tuesday afternoon. This means I have nearly 6 days of fun in the… rain? Oh wait… that’s California…

So! I am going to be at Kinkfest quite a bit. Who else will be? I’m curious like. I am also interested in seeing people! 🙂 Pandora, Jaguar, and Bridgett being some of the highest people on that list of “want to see!!!!!!!” I will be staying with Dad across the river in Vancouver and I don’t think I have access to a car so I am at the mercy of kindly people.

I’m also hunting for play partners for Kinkfest because I haven’t done much bdsm in a long time and I think that should change! 😉 Topping, bottoming… I’ll talk with specific hot people (i.e. those reading this post.)

I’m also trying to decide clothes because cons are the place where I get to show off what a tremendous clothes whore I am. I know that I will have three play parties to attend and two days of classes. So how about if I throw this open to the peanut gallery for some tips. No, you don’t get pictures to go along with the descriptions.

Dorothy outfit: it’s a slutty Dorothy though with a very short skirt and pantalets and platform ruby slippers.
Snow White. Need I say more?
Chain mail outfit: it’s a thin strapped shirt with a short skirt. It took me over a year to make but it is worth it.
Victorian skirt with my Dark Garden corset. Dad actually wants me to bring this one so it isn’t really a maybe.
Latex in some form or another. I have lovely black pants, a red pencil skirt, a red shirt… there are others that I can’t remember.
Black leather ball gown. Looks best with white leather waist cincher.
I have a variety of pvc skirts and dresses. These pack up smaller than most of this other stuff does.
Girdles. Mmmmmm
pink crinoline with who knows what cute top. I always find something. 🙂
I think that is all I am coming up with.

Thoughts?

Play safe. Come back. Tell stories.

3 Replies

Well. I played safely. I played a looooooooooooooot. I don’t know who I am coming back to. I guess that means it is time to tell stories. Heh. I do love that part.

Ok. This is going on my tightest filter, so whereas normally if people talk about what I post with whoever else is on my friends-list it isn’t a big deal… this time… not many are seeing it. So for once…. yeah. Please don’t broadcast. 🙂

I engaged in some interesting behavior this weekend. I was even more out there than I normally am. Friday night was not out there really, I went to the Citadel. The highlight of the night was when a friend was getting ready to beat me and she wanted me to take my clothes off. There was a row of like six people just standing there watching the scene. She told them to turn around so I could get undressed, I was faking modesty, and they all did it!!!! I about died laughing!!!!!!!

Fabulous. I also got to suspend my best friend for the first time. That was cool. I’m glad we finally shared that.

Saturday… I got stuff done at home then I went off to an e party. This was a small party at a friend’s house. I am going to work like crazy not to give identifying information, but that is hard! (If I say anything too obvious please yell at me and I will edit.)

The party started off with some house cleaning and food prep. It felt good to be creating space for the event and I felt like I was more than just a guest. I liked that. When we were all ready to get started we sat in the living room in a circle. We discussed rules of the house, it is always wonderful to be clear on these things! Then I passed around some Magnessium (helps with jaw clenching) and we got to roll. As things were getting started we played a name game. I still feel like there are 6 people who went (out of 14) that I barely know. I do know their names of course… but I don’t know them. I didn’t talk to them. S’ok. I actually didn’t spend the night quite how I expected to. There was a couple I expected to play with a lot that I didn’t play with at all. There was another couple that I expected to sort of, kind of play with that I not only played with for most of the party, I followed them home the next day! (More on this later)

I actually spent a huge chunk of the night sitting in a bedroom with one person. He was looking at porn (a fine and noble task I say) so I picked up my laptop and showed him bunches of naked pictures of me and I read him some of the stories I have read about things I have done. This was a fantastical ubercool way to spend a bunch of the night. (I wandered in and out.) I had a serious case of short attention span this time. It was ok though. I had a tremendous amount of sex. I was told it was hours and hours worth. 😀 Yay. All I know is I felt physically GOOD all night long. I didn’t have jaw issues. I got a little bit of the scratchies, but not as much as I have in the past. I didn’t get into conversations much. Other people were being chatty and doing the soul-revealing thing. I just wasn’t there. I didn’t want to talk. It was like my brain wanted to be disconnected. Somehow the reading felt different. I wasn’t having to connect with myself in the moment. I have been doing a lot of introspection lately and I was really happy to take a break from that.

Side note- I have been ‘big’ all weekend. I haven’t once felt any inclination to go little. Well, I did have a sippie cup at the party, but that was more about an oral fixation than about being little. I noticed this as I drove home this morning. I haven’t felt big for this long in I couldn’t tell you when. I have no idea what triggered it. Anyway. More story.

I really enjoyed the party. I liked touching and being touched. I enjoyed the playing with the couple. I fell asleep before the party wound down (big shocker there) so this of course means that I woke up long before anyone else. Even I hate being such an insane morning person sometimes. I got up to go out to the hot tub so that I wouldn’t bug other people in the house too much. The man I had spent most of the night playing with was up. He asked if he could follow me out to the hot tub and of course I agreed. 🙂 This lead to more yummy playing. With the sun coming up. It was breathtaking. Hell yeah. Gotta do that again some day.

Eventually we got out and I tried to snuggle but I was too antsy. People started rousing and I spent some time talking a little with one of the most amazing women I know. I was really happy to have time with her. We decided that it was time to start breakfast. I ran off to the market and amused a group of elderly people on the way back. *shrug* It’s not my fault that they don’t understand about the blue world.

Breakfast took a while to totally produce, but that was way ok. We were all…. a bit… slow… Snuggling and cuddles took place for the whole morning and into the afternoon. I finally left to follow the couple home. I stopped by my house first because I thought clean clothes and a shower were a very good idea.

I got to their house feeling somewhat apprehensive. I felt like I had been invited by the husband and not by the wife. That is a very hard thing for me. I had one situation some months ago where my behavior caused pain to someone’s partner and I’ve been feeling really gun-shy about such things since. It turned out remarkably well though. Wow. We did nitrous and pot for uhhhh a long time. I have no idea how long really. And we had sex and sex and sex and sex. It was rather remarkable to me that they were functional enough to keep up the supply. I sure as hell wasn’t. Eventually they really hit my max capacity of substance usage. I curled up and went *poof* Dragging me downstairs for food was hard. I couldn’t believe how functional they were.

Then I passed out. Hard. I got lots of sleep again! Yay. I woke up this morning and talked with their daughter for a while. That was surreal for me. I had some mixed emotions about the situation, but it was ok. She is amazingly bright, and talkative, and social. I was incredibly impressed. I went back upstairs after an hour or so and climbed back into bed with them. The snuggling rocked. Of course more sex happened. I enjoyed that talking that finally started to happen. Eventually the lovely lady asked for some alone time with her husband and I scooted out. It was really good. I was delighted that she asked. It means that I will feel more comfortable next time because I will trust her to let me know when she is ready for me to leave. I’m always terrified of over-staying my welcome and I often leave things early because I don’t want to overstay. I think I miss out on a lot of good bonding time because I’m afraid of pushing. 🙁

Anywho. Very fabulous. I am a happy happy girl. Now I need to hop in the shower, get dressed and have lunch with a hot boy. Then I will help clean house. Then I will maybe come clean my own room. (HA!) Then I am heading over to see James and go to Plough and Death Guild. Wow. There are too many things to do!!!

I can’t say my life sucks. Cause it really doesn’t. That adrenaline rush of “ooooh attention!!!” has been kind of fading. It got a gnarly slap in the ass this weekend. I think I’m ok coasting for a bit again. Now it just comes down to scheduling.
“Love is limitless, time is not.”

hmmm plans…

Leave a reply

Looks like I will be skipping Kinkfest…

The SF Fetish Ball is that weekend. It is cheaper, it is local. It will be a fucking rocking party. yay!

I went through SOJ’s calendar this morning (hey, do you think I actually want to be cleaning my room right now? Hell no!)

I put a bunch of leather events on my official calendar. I will be very tentative about accepting dates for these events. I want someone who will play, or I want to go network in the kink scene. I’m ready to get back on that horse.

*deep breath*

I can do this.