I woke up this morning and thought about my upcoming birthday. I have absolutely no plans and I doubt I am going to make any. I thought about the last five birthdays and how I have spent them primarily with Tom and with Anna. And I cried. Where did my life go? I miss them both so much and it feels like neither of them love me at all anymore and it hurts so much.

I will probably spend my birthday hiding in my house with it as dark as I can make it and crying and mourning the fact that the life I thought I was building died. Puppy will go shooting. Apparently the Puppy is more perceptive and caring than I first gave him credit for. Yay Puppy.

Sometimes something happens. It doesn’t have to be an important something, just random bickering. But it tells you a lot about who a person is and it tells you a lot about who a community is. Today I think I figured out that I don’t belong in a community. The social values of that community are not ones that I respect or can live by and that means I should walk away instead of dealing with continual upset and difficulty.

It’s sad really. I don’t think it will be that hard though. There are some good people in that community. There are probably three or four people that I will continue to include in my life, but I will simply not be part of that overall dynamic.

I’m worth more than that.