I am subbing today so I have lots of unfamiliar kids to deal with. One of them just went into shock/passed out. The situation was dealt with fairly calmly. The VP came over with the on-campus police officer and she is being put into an ambulance.
That scared me and my adrenaline is pumping hard. Now I get to monitor kids working silently for the next hour and a half. oy.
My principal is incredibly supportive and helpful.
My advisors are willing to help in any way humanly possible.
My department goes above and beyond what could ever be required of them.
And what happened today? My master teacher gave me money for work I did last semester. See, right now every class is loaded above contract limits and that means we are compensated (barely) for the extra students we have. She got a check for her overages and decided to give me the money for the class I took last semester. There is no reason in the world for her to have done so because student teachers aren’t paid in any way but she felt it would be a little bit of a bonus for me given how hard I worked.
How sweet is that? Of course it isn’t much money but it is the thought that counts! Not everyone on staff here is perfectly self-less but overall the atmosphere is that of “How can I help someone else have a better experience.”
I am so torn about next year. I want to go to Europe so much and I want to stay here so much. Waiting on the decision is so hard. Granted, I don’t get to make the decision until I am offered a job, but I’ve been told a dozen times that the job is likely assured.
I love my school!!!
So, I went and talked to the main teacher of the nasty girl from yesterday and got permission to talk to the kid for a few minutes at the beginning of the period.
When she saw me standing there she tensed up visibly and I could see the hostile energy starting but I managed to stay totally positive. I asked her what was going on yesterday because we just seemed to escalate nastiness and it made me feel really awful when I left the class. I talked about my inappropriate escalation and how as a teacher I am not able to give in to power struggles in class and why I have to stand my ground on issues. I talked about how to approach me to explain (in a nice way) that I might want to give them some slack because they are working and I don’t need to come down so hard. We talked back and forth about tone of voice and how often it isn’t what you say, but how you say it that is a problem. We shared that we are both OTR and prone to being nasty and how that isn’t really an excuse but it is a factor. We discussed how we can both try to stop nastiness from occuring in the future (I will be subbing for her class again).
I am jubilent. I feel really happy that I managed to talk it out with the student and probably lessen any potential future conflict.
You know what, I may be growing up.
Last night I made a chart for my students so that they can compare the novel to both movies in terms of sequence of actions as well as the mood of said scenes. I also put together a study guide of the most significant quotes from the novel. And today they are making comic strips to help them illustrate the mood in the novel so that they can have a more visual representation to take with them into vacation.
It is amazing how we don’t realize the energy we are putting off into the world sometimes. Today I had to deal with a student (I’m subbing–no comments about the word) who is one of the most hostile people I have had the misfortune to encounter in a very long time. She is just a total nasty bitch. Being in the room with her makes me feel angry and aggressive. I don’t like the feeling at all. It was quite a stretch for me to go back to my happy-cheerful attitude with the next period but I’m doing ok.
I don’t understand the point of sending that energy out into the universe. For all that people tell me that teenagers are just awful and why do I want to work with them–it is freakin unusual to see that kind of hostility. Most of the kids are bright and positive and willing to participate. I really love my job. Once in a while, I don’t love a kid though and that is really hard.
🙁
I spent a little over an hour last night standing outside the parking garage talking with my poetry prof. (THANK YOU PETER!!!!!!!) I am going to go in next week and talk to him for an hour or so before class.
He is going to help me figure out what book I should read to do the paper for my Cal Lit incomplete. He understands the issue with that prof and was incredibly sympathetic. Guess it isn’t just me that she is a total bitch to.
He is going to bring me information on poetry for my own students as well as talk with me more in depth about the ones I need to know for the comp exams in April
He is going to go over a few novels with me to make sure I am all set for the rest of the comp exams.
Have I mentioned that I have been totally psyching myself out and I have been freaked out about the comp exams? I have been thinking that there would be no way for me to pass because I haven’t read enough novels and I certainly don’t know enough about poetry.
YAY!!!! He is also being encouraging of me writing in general but that is a generic English person thing to do. I am so glad that Peter convinced me to take this poetry class instead of the other one.
Today I was walking past some students who were still making out right after the bell rang to signal the end of break. The conversation went like this:
“Make out time is over, get to class.”
“Bitch” (this was kind of muttered as I was walking away.)
I turned around and said: “I am not a bitch. I am a very nice person,” and then I kept walking.
I like that my instinctive response to being called a bitch is no longer shame. 🙂
Today I was pondering the review that I need to do with my students and I was feeling pretty bad that I didn’t teach them that much…
I have a list a page long of concepts and skills we have gone over. That’s not bad…
I have a pile of papers to grade that is probably 4″ thick. That is a rather intimidating height, let me tell you. I have ~130 so far and I am getting 30-some more on Friday. I better get started.
I really want that asshole transfered out of my class. I hate him and he hates me. Just go. I can’t get rid of him for 5 more class days. I want to cry. I will find a way to survive his attitude though. I have faith in myself.
My kids were totally out of control today and hyper. AHHHH I actually smacked one kid (he and I are buddies) but it didn’t settle him down. The juniors are pissy and whiny about the final project and the seniors are ecstatic. I’m telling you–it is impossible to predict these little shit heads.
I’m glad to be back. I have a purpose again. Yay for corrupting the youth of America!!!
Completely updated my grades for both classes and given the seniors the opportunity to make up a bunch of points.
I am currently substituting.
I sent an email to the parent I needed to give makeup work to.
I updated the assignment information to the website.
When this period ends I need to:
Go pick up my paycheck.
Drop off all the crap I am *not* taking home over break.
Clean up my desk.
Turn in the attendance sheet.
Then I need to go home and do laundry and pack. I am getting picked up at 6. I will have around 4 hours to get ready. I can do it. 🙂
I am amazed that I have actually managed to get everything done!
I passed.
I am a teacher…
DUDE!
So cool.
I did four conferences in 1st period.
I did four conferences in 2nd period.
I did four conferences in 3rd period.
I did four conferences in 4th period.
I did four conferences in 5th period.
I did six conferences during 6th/7th.
Twenty-six teacher conferences in one day is a shit load and I am totally exhausted. It means paying intense concentration to one kid at a time and that is grueling. My master teacher says she considers it great if she gets in sixteen in one day. I am a rock star.
For whatever reason my observation went really freakin well. I had three people in my room observing me. Can I get a wince from the teachers? They all raved about how the lesson went and how my students and I interact and they liked the lesson plan. I feel good.
I really needed the boost to my teaching ego.
cherry orange whatever from jamba juice. It was soooooooo good and it stayed down.
Peter because he told me to try jamba juice and he listened to me whine and freak out and just generally have panic attacks.
my California Lit professor because she granted me an incomplete so that I can do my paper for her over Christmas break instead of while I am tearing my hair out.
Marcie because she has endless patience with my whining and misery.
Angela because she is willing to be mommy.
Rebecca because she is going to Dickens with me and my sisters party and invited me to do something with her on Friday. She is on a one woman compaign to keep me from calling Puppy in tears and I appreciate it.
J because he has called and emailed and is trying to be so very supportive.
my seniors because they told me that they really liked the lesson on Monday that I was ripped apart for and they think I am doing a great job and they said that they are going to be very unhappy to lose me at the semester because I am a great teacher.
my juniors because I ripped them a new one and was really harsh today and the end response was them telling me that they know they are hurting themselves and they are going to try harder.
having my experiment with wait time pay off. 1st period started off deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeead and then I just sat there and stared at them and they eventually had a brilliant discussion!
my master teacher for rocking my socks off every day with her support and encouragement.
my coworkers for entertaining me till so late at night so I don’t feel like I have to go home alone and feel shitty.
My university advisor and vice-principal sat in on my seniors today and they ripped me a new one. They hate my lesson plans. They are not specific enough, and when I asked, “Well, do you want me to put a plot synopsis on the lesson plans or a copy of the overhead?” my advisor snapped off, “You are being sarcastic and I don’t appreciate it.” I almost burst into tears. What do you want from me? Seriously–I don’t understand what it is that you want me to do. For the rest of this semester I am going to have three page lesson plans with plot synopsis and explanations. I’m going to rip it all straight from sparksnotes because I am teaching five fucking preps you cunt rags.
I am so barely holding on by a thread. My stomach hurts so bad I want to throw up. I tried to eat and my stomach recoiled before I could even get the food in my mouth.
——————–
Break for Anna coming in. She is going to bat for me right now with the vice-principal. She thinks that I am totally be shafted and that a lot of the criticism of me is inappropriate and quite frankly, she is the only one who has the right to judge. She is the only person who has actually seen what I have done over any length of time. She is the one who has actually talked to me about my plans.
I still feel like shit. I’m going to see the doctor after the staff meeting. I just want to cry.
I miss Puppy. I got to talk to Noah for a while last night and I’m grateful. He helped me see a lot of points. I still want my Puppy though.
I have a hard time not being hostile when they whine and complain about getting too much work. I am not assigning too much work. I am assigning less than I probably should. Yet they complain. And when I spend 30 minutes explaining something and they spend that time talking to their friends and not paying attention and then we do the exercise and they raise their hand and say, “I don’t understand” I want to scream.
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE DIRTBAG
Ok. I’m calm. I swear.
I am staring at a pile of quizzes yet to be graded. They will be easy to grade… once I get through the last of these POS essays. The stupid absent kids. AHHH I thought I was done!!!! *sigh*
Tomorrow is the end of the grading period. Technically I have until Tuesday to turn in my grades, but I really want to be done early. If I am done early I can have my weekend alllll to myself. 🙂 That would be lovely. Tomorrow I have a parent meeting at 3:45. That’s kind of annoying. *grumble* But, my desk should be cleaned up by then. 🙂
Today in class:
Student: “So THAT’s what that means. How do you expect me to know that?”
Me: “I don’t. That is why you come to class and we talk about it.”
Student: “Oh.”
I thought it was funny.
And I am at school. Admittedly mostly because of the internet access, although I have been making copies for the last 45 minutes. Today I graded papers and puttered around getting my apartment together and did the lesson plans for tomorrow. I am not getting ahead on lesson plans. I suck. I do always prepare the day in advance though. Further than that seems to be beyond my abilities right now. 🙁 I still haven’t cried. My cat is still being odd. She spends most of her time hiding in the closet, but she comes out and bugs the crap out of me when I am trying to sleep.
Now it is 8:20. I’m stapling together my huge pile of copies now. I haven’t seen anyone I would consider a friend in more than 48 hours and I am unlikely to see a friendly face until Friday. More than 48 hours ago and on Friday that face will be Puppy’s. I’m once again doing as Rebecca says and working hard, but it is lonely. This Friday is the end of the grading period and I am pretty buried under paperwork. Woof. I did get both sets of essays graded today. I feel good about that. I have a bunch of reading quizzes and vocabulary to grade. Blah. I might tackle more of that when I go home tonight. Maybe. If I am a good girl. I am getting internet at my house tomorrow. YAY!
Now a teacher is here talking to me. I’ll be social.
I went and hunted down one of my kids today. A girl who hasn’t been to class in two weeks. The girl I flipped off. The one who wrote a really awesome book report and hasn’t been back to class to see her grade. The one that reminds me a *lot* of me at that age, down to the same stupid clothes. (Shouldn’t styles have changed by now?!)
I pestered her for about thirty minutes. Turns out she is trying to get into an alternative ed program so that she can actually finish high school next year. Right now she has 50 credits and she should have around 150. Doh. She will be withdrawn from regular classes sometime in the next two or three weeks so she has decided not to bother going anymore anyway. I drove her *nuts*.
“Well, you aren’t withdrawn from class yet. That means you better start coming to class or I am going to start following you around and bugging you all of the time.”
“What is the point? I don’t learn anything in my classes.”
“Excuse me?!!!?!? You don’t learn anything in my class?!?!?!?!!”
“Ok. That’s true. I think I have learned more from you than any other teacher I have had in high school.”
“Ok, that means you will show up to at least my class until you are withdrawn from regular school.”
“Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack. You need to get your ass to my class and get as much from it in the short time we have left together as you can. The stuff I am teaching you will help you in the alternative ed program and in the rest of your life. I am going to be pissed off at you if you waste this time.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. Now are you going to be there on Monday or do I have to drive to your house and drag you by your hair?”
“Fine. I’ll be at your class on Monday. But you can’t make me go to any other class.”
“Ok. Oh, and you have to go to the bookroom and pick up The Great Gatsby and read chapter one by Monday. We are starting a new unit.”
“There is no way.”
“Wanna make a bet? Lets go to the bookroom together right now and get the book. And you will have the first chapter read by Monday or I will make your life hell on earth.”
“I don’t want to go right now. I am in the middle of something.”
“If I don’t drag you right now you won’t go and I want you to go.”
“I’ll go. I promise.”
“I don’t think I should believe you.”
“WHAT?!?! You didn’t just say that.”
“Yes I did. You won’t go if I don’t go with you.”
“Yes I will. But how long is chapter one?”
“Around 25 pages.”
“What?! Ok, I’ll have like 50% read by Monday.”
“That isn’t good enough. You will have the whole thing read by Monday or I will be eating lunch with you and your friends and drive you crazy for a month.”
“Oh my god. You would totally do that. Ok fine. I’ll read it, but you have to bring me cookies. Just me.”
“Excuse me? You expect me to bribe you to get your work done?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Ok fine. I’ll do the reading anyway.”
I finally left her alone.
I’m bringing her cookies. 🙂 She only gets them if she passes the reading quiz though.