I do not write as a passive aggressive way of controlling the people around me. I write because otherwise I have trouble noticing patterns of behavior in myself. If what I write makes you think hard about your life and consider some issue, great.
If you ever feel that I am saying too much about you or your family or your pet you are free to ask me to stop.
Otherwise I’m getting kind of tired of the fact that I’ve spent the last fucking month bouncing between people who are upset with me for things I write. They feel attacked.
Uhm, no one is forcing you to read. If you feel upset by what I am writing feel free to take a break. I am not feeling ok with the pressure to stop writing. I am feeling more angry by the day about how many people have gotten really angry with me in the last month as I try to deal with my anxiety.
My anxiety is not your problem. No matter who you are. I am not writing this post to one person. I have had intense exchanges of one sort or another with at least seven people in the last month.
I have to stop being responsible for other people having feelings. If my writing triggers big feelings in you that bother you and make you unhappy, stop reading it. This is an opt-in space. I do not think it is appropriate that I should have to stop and feel anxious every fucking day about the fact that me processing my shit is going to make someone else feel attacked.
I’m not attacking you. I’m sitting in my fucking garage trying to figure out how to not blow up when I am with people in person. I do this because I know in my gut that no one deserves me blowing up. I do it for environmental reasons–not usually for actual provocation. Â If you don’t like knowing how I go through that process, opt-out. We can have a cordial in person relationship where I can tailor what I say to your personal preferences. I can not fucking handle the stress of trying to please everyone when I write.
I am not responsible for your feelings. No matter who you are.
I have to say this.
Good for you! This is your journal, your blog, and I get the impression that part of your process is to post publicly. I found a balance for me in reading it: I tune in (as I like to say) when I can, but I don’t try to read your every post or on a daily basis. I have enough to do, say, and read without trying to take in any one other person’s process! So, I take care of me – much as part of you taking care of you is to post in this blog.
You take care of you, and let others be responsible for their own crap. They no like what you write? Like you said: don’t read it.
Yes, the fact that it is public is part of the process. I never liked the feeling of hiding things behind filters on livejournal.
I am not saying anything terrible about you behind your back. But I may be having a lot of feelings about you behind your back. I’ll talk about them. I will stress over and over that they aren’t your fault. But I need to talk about my feelings. If you don’t like hearing that, don’t. It’s not hard to avoid.
I’m not sure it is healthy that Noah keeps up religiously. I don’t think anyone else does.
I’m glad you are still in the world and I get to interact with you sometimes.
re: keeping up on the blog – I check it every day, even though I don’t comment much.
Fair enough. 🙂
It is appropriate for your husband to have a deep interest in you, your feelings, anything you’re dealing with or going through, and thus to read your blog more than anyone else. That doesn’t seem unhealthy to me – unless it’s interfering with his ability to take care of himself.
I’m really glad you are in the world, and I’m delighted to get to interact with you, too! I really enjoy read your dealings and experiences, and I care about you. I admire you for your blatant open mindedness, your having found the Right Match for you, and for being a great mom.
Even Noah doesn’t *actually* read every day. The RSS feed sometimes gets delayed and he catches up in bunches. 🙂
I like my kids. I’m not sure if that makes me great or not. I’m not sure I understand what “great” actually means.
I read about 90% of what you write
I hope it doesn’t give you nightmares.
I read it all, too. I may not read it the day you post it, depending on a variety of factors, but I do read it eventually.
I didn’t quite mean this post as a roll call, but I really appreciate the people in my life.
I read it all – sometimes it takes me a few days to catch up, but I do read it all.
Haha, I’ll chime in. You’re the reason I check(ed) Google Reader every day since you’re the most consistent writer among my friends, which means that you’re the reason I read _anyone’s_ blogs. The analytical part of Reader said that yours was the only blog that god read 100%.
*god = got.
oops.