I killed some time in Good Vibes tonight and got chewed out by an employee. Some random customers were asking one another questions where I was sitting. Because neither of them knew, I answered. The staff member told me that it wasn’t appropriate for me to talk to customers because they are in Good Vibes to get accurate information.

As if I can’t accurately describe the pluses and minuses of different styles of wrist cuffs. You want to talk about leather, lace, neoprene, latex, and metal? I’ve got stories. After that witch glared at me I’m happy that I told the couple to go to Mr. S for a larger selection of styles of cuffs to choose from. Neiner.

Then I was calmly sitting and reading a book and an employee in the parking garage told me I had to move on. It wasn’t a place to loiter. Even though I was waiting for my friend to park in that garage.

I’m so glad I don’t live in a city. I don’t like cities.

I went to a class tonight on dealing with the death of a partner with whom you had a power exchange relationship. (Master/slave, Dominant/submissive, Daddy-Mommy/kid (not like biological kids–this is an adult sexual relationship style), and Trainer/animal all came up.) She’s right that there are different considerations when you lose a power exchange partner. Vanilla couples are differently enmeshed. Not saying they don’t get enmeshed… bdsm relationships are intense. Grieving them is really hard.

Not saying that bdsm relationships are better or more worthy or anything like that. But there are already lots of support groups for losing a vanilla spouse. Not many people know how to support you through losing your Master. Complicated shit, yo.

Sometimes when I look at people I love I feel shame and anxiety that I don’t give them enough. I don’t help them enough. I don’t make their life enough better. But I’m doing my best.

I’m also relieved to hear that a friend who sent me an invitation to a party (while specifying that it is a CLEAN AND SOBER PARTY) doesn’t consider psych meds of any type to be problematic. *phew*

Still processing hard on a few other things. But I should sleep.