Of course this comes out of a conversation Noah and I were having. It would be lovely if ya’ll proved me right again. 😀
Of course this comes out of a conversation Noah and I were having. It would be lovely if ya’ll proved me right again. 😀
Next year I get to change how my room works. I’m very very excited. 😀 This year I didn’t have time to reorganize before the year. Plotting is keeping me busy.
See, I hate rows. Maybe when I get things set up I will post pictures because I’m dorky enough to think people might care.
Well, saw my mother yesterday. She looks old and that was kind of weird to me. I realized that she isn’t going to be around much longer and that has made me start wondering what I should do about that if anything. We had dinner. I specifically wanted Noah there and at the last minute she invited my nephew as well. (Nephew in picture is not the same one as who went to dinner) Most of the time was spent with Noah and my nephew talking. I’m ok with that.
Due to aforementioned husband and nephew talking my mom and I didn’t say much to one another. It was sort of stuff and uncomfortable. She gave me a bunch of pictures of me as a baby that she doesn’t want to keep anymore. Wow, uhm, ok. I guess she saved the snapshots and she still has small versions of most of the pictures but she gave me the larger copies. I was an incredibly adorable small child and now I have evidence. I feel like her doing that is cementing her opinion that she and my siblings are not my family, my family consists of the people I have chosen. I’m tempted to bring one or more of the baby pictures to my adopted mom and my adopted dad in some weird symbolic gesture.
I freaked out about the very idea of seeing her before it happened and then it was… very anticlimactic. I suppose that is good. If I treat her with as much familiarity as I do my coworkers we can get through a conversation without fighting. Oh wait, I talk to my coworkers about more personal things than I do her.
Mom mentioned that she would like to come up to see my house but she doesn’t have the money to pay for the gas. She also gave me that very familiar “You want *what* from me?” look when I told her what her half of the bill for dinner was. Given my experience with my mother I believe she expected me to offer to give her gas money and to pay for dinner. After all, hadn’t I mentioned that I could afford to remodel my house because it isn’t big enough? I didn’t go there though. I just told her what she needed to pay and was silently grateful that she isn’t going to ask when she can come see my house.
Boundaries are hard.
I did this meme uhm, almost a month ago and I’m just living up to my end of it. Here you go!
Make a comment in this entry. I’ll go to your profile, pick 3 userpics and interests, and then you explain them in your journal. Include this text or not.
I don’t know what order I added them so uhm… explanations in a bunch.
The picture showing the teacher with “Lesson One” cracks me up. I found it in a teaching community.
The one showing the path through the trees is a picture I took while backpacking in Alaska. That was the dry creekbed super highway and it made my life soooooo much better for a while there. 🙂 I think the picture turned out neat too.
The one of Ted looking out the window was also taken in Alaska in the crappiest hotel I have ever stayed in. But Ted enjoyed the view of the parking lot next to the bowling alley. 🙂
I was asked about these interests: the power of yay!, the stepstool, this year I’m pretty
The power of yay! I stole from friends because we are all very happy about the yays and I’m interested in there being more yay in the world! The stepstool was a prop used at a party I was at where fun stuff happened. 🙂 Those of us who were at the party get it. No one else would. Lastly I stole this year I am pretty from a friend. A boy I met through dancing likes to say, “Every day I have a choice. I can be smart! Or I can be pretty! Today, I’m pretty!” I have changed that to indicate that I’m just not smart–ever. I don’t take it that seriously but it’s funny anyhow. 🙂
Scanned through the course evaluations briefly. One kid said I should swear less. One kid said I should be less emotional. Two kids in my seventh period ripped me a new one saying that the class sucked and they hate me. Well, those two kids are the ones who want special treatment at all times about everything and I just won’t do it. (For those who know the stories: one was the girl who is in training to be a trophy wife.)
Other than that, people say my class was really good and they appreciate how much effort I put in. Not bad really.
Today my juniors are filling out course evaluations and listening to me tell them why I appreciate them each as individuals. It’s pretty neat. 🙂
Two of my kidlets brought me a hollow milk chocolate apple with gummy worms inside. It’s not exactly stellar chocolate, but it makes me happy anyway. 🙂
Rob says:
Dwight D. Eisenhower was President of the United States for eight years after serving as Supreme Commander of the Allied forces in Europe during World War II. Early in his career, however, he didn’t win many accolades. Referring to his mediocre stint as an undergraduate at the U.S. Military Academy, he said, “If anybody saw signs of greatness in me while at West Point, they kept it to themselves.” Keep his story in mind during the coming weeks, Virgo. You may have to summon an extra measure of self-motivation as you keep pushing towards your goal despite a lack of recognition or applause.
Cause I’m told I should pay attention to Libra stuff too:
In their translation of a poem by Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai, Chana Bloch and Stephen Mitchell write, “I’m the chimp of chance, the champ of chance, I’m a chum of chance and a chump of chance.” Judging from your astrological omens, Libra, I suspect it’ll soon make sense for you to speak those words yourself. Dumb luck and blind fate will be swirling around you, whipping up both unexpected pleasures and knotty challenges. What can you do to be more of a champ and a chum of chance, and not so much of a chimp and a chump of chance? Welcome everything that happens, with no exceptions. Love the easy and the difficult, the playful and the contrived, the lucid and the confusing.
We went to a sex party recently. We settled in to playing right next to a really hot couple. I’m now sorta flirting with the boy of that couple on tribe. Sorta flirting because most of it is about how us having sex near one another (not with) again would be massively hot.
I really really liked watching them have sex. 🙂 I’m glad they enjoyed being watched and may let me do it again! *giggle*
(Re: headache. Ibuprofen is the best invention of our time.)
My head hurts so much that having my eyes open is painful. Noise sucks. My stomach hurts and I think I might puke. I woke up in the middle of the night because my head and neck hurt so much. That’s a very bad sign.
And I have comp & lit for 2 hours. This is my last lab day of the year with them. Please god, let the time move swiftly…
In the rock/paper/scissors game of life cranberry juice beats laptop. Just sayin.
This is ironic because I want to ask the geeks to geek in front of me for a few minutes. I need a new laptop and I am pretty certain that I should make the jump to Apple because most of you are obsessed with Apple and I would be able to grunt and say, “Fix it!!!” to more people. This is a very appealing benefit to having an Apple over a PC.
As far as features go: I use word, excel, intarweb, chat, powerpoint, itunes, and I like to play with pictures in a very non-professional sort of way. I would also kind of like to have garageband as well because I am still interested in sitting down and playing with the podcast stuff more I just haven’t made time in the past few months. I hear I need iWork so that I can have Pages.
My question: what level of computer should I shoot for? What should I think to ask for? I have a friend at Apple who is looking into some bits of it for me but more generalized advice is darn handy.
The really interesting bit about this is that in the trying to save it process I called Tom for help. I went to his new place and we spent a couple hours trying to rescue it. I had forgotten how very much I enjoy working on projects with him. I love his casual assumptions of my competence. I love that he just hands me things to do knowing that I am smart and able to figure out weird bits. We figured out how to work together so well over the years and it was really awesome to just fall back into that without trying. I’m still happier with Noah overall, but that reminded me of something I would like to work towards with Noah. The two of us tend to butt heads more and question one another more because we don’t have a solid understanding of our mutual levels of knowledge yet. I say more time and experience must be had. 🙂
I have been having an issue for a while now and I have been trying to deal with it in a way that is simply not working for me. I’m about to drastically change how I deal with it and it seems reasonable to let people know what I will be doing and why.
I love my friends–I really do. I don’t put up with people I don’t like/love very much. I have, however, gotten to the breaking point on geeking. I understand that my friends are all very fascinated by their technical gizmos and programming and whatever else stuff ya’ll are into. I do not share this fascination, not even slightly. In general I understand that my lack of technical interest is fairly uncommon in my group of friends so I just kind of tune out when the conversation gets very technical. Unfortunately it has gotten to the point where I have started timing the portion of geek talking to conversation I am able to participate in and many gatherings are 2/3 conversations I can’t be part of. Given how little time I actually spend with people this is pretty unacceptable to me.
The thing that is bothering me the most is when I manage to start having a non-geeky conversation with one person and someone else joins the conversation and within five minutes they have steered the conversation to where I am completely excluded. I am not saying anyone is awful and horrible for this, but I do think it is thoughtless, inconsiderate, and rude. It is rather difficult to get most of you into a non-geeky conversation at a group event and it is hard for me to keep putting energy into a losing battle of trying. I feel very demoralized and rejected at most group events and that is a big factor in why I have just not been going. I don’t think my friends realize how much you are rejecting my participation in a conversation when you spend hours talking about things I have absolutely no interest in or knowledge of. You might as well switch to German for all I understand.
And I’m done. I’m sick of feeling like that at group events. I’m not going to sit there and feel like shit anymore. I am going to start getting up and leaving. If I am going to be ignored and exluded from conversation I would rather do that in a different place so it doesn’t feel like such a slap in the face. I understand that no one is really consciously trying to hurt me–I do understand that. However knowing that people aren’t trying to hurt me doesn’t change the fact that it hurts me.
I am completely uninterested in being told that I should listen and try to learn from the situation and I would greatly appreciate it if no one gave me such advice. I will in fact be very angry if anyone tells me that I should get over my feelings and try to be more accepting. This is about setting boundaries and I have that right. Once upon a time I used to go to a munch and the boys liked to talk about guns, cars, and computers. Guns and cars are both more accessible topics for me as I have a fairly significant level of understanding of both, however I have no interest. The boys learned that they were free to talk about guns, cars, and computers but I would walk away from the conversation. I am not saying people shouldn’t talk about things I have no interest in, I am saying I am not going to sit and listen. It isn’t that I can’t understand it is that I don’t care to.
And sneaky!
Noah totally didn’t suspect his surprise party. 🙂 Yay!
Your relationship with time seems to be one of your biggest problems. There’s never enough of it. You’re always fighting against the limitations it imposes. It frustrates you and even hurts you. But let me ask you this: Can you imagine yourself cultivating a more friendly and cunning relationship with time? Are you able to visualize the prospect of you and time becoming more like allies than adversaries? How would it feel to regard time as a loving taskmaster that compels you to realize you can’t do everything and must therefore focus on only your brightest dreams and truest pleasures? This is a perfect moment, astrologically speaking, for you to attempt this magic.
Sacred Advertisement is neat this week:
A Spell to Commit Pronoia, by psychotherapist Jennifer Welwood:
Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I am given unimaginable gifts;
Surrendering into emptiness,
I find fullness without end.
Each condition I flee from pursues me.
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.
I bow to the one who has made it so,
Who has crafted this Master Game;
To play it is pure delight,
To honor it is true devotion.
I’ve never been good at transitions. I get impatient and want to be in the next stage already. The last few weeks of school are being brutal. I’m tired of having to go to bed at 8 so I can get a reasonable amount of sleep. I’m tired of not having much of a social life. I’m tired of getting up every day fussy about having to go deal with even fussier teenagers. It isn’t that I now hate my job, I’m just ready for vacation. I think this would be slightly better if I didn’t spend so much time on weekends working. But that isn’t to be. *beat head against wall*
School is over in 15 more days (including weekends). I have decided to bail on working graduation because I would be hostile the entire time.
This filter is including a lot of people who are not in my part of the country, but I think that maybe you might be interested in having this information.
On July 21st Noah and I are having our wedding reception. If you see this you will be getting more information as we get a bit closer to the date. We just think a date grab is smart. 🙂
I would like to point out that a lot of this is Noah’s idea. He thinks that we should announce to our community that we are married or some such nonsense. I figure if ya’ll don’t know by now then us having a party isn’t going to inform you–but it’s all good. 🙂
Oh–please don’t pass information about this event around. We have a rather considerable guest list of people we want to invite and this is absolutely not a DHP. I repeat this is *not* an open invite party.
The stack of grading is 5″ tall.
I am really looking forward to this being over. When this stack is done I have one more personal narrative essay to grade (due next Friday) and some simple reading quizzes.
Reminder! Grading at my house! Saturday!!! May 26th–I am going to be starting early in the morning because I have to get it done no matter what. Please show up as early as is convenient for you. 🙂
I noticed something today. I spend too much time apologizing for *me*. I’m always telling Noah that I am sorry I am ‘x’ or that I do ‘y’.
I need to stop.
Today we got to discuss whether or not Lil Kim has in fact had her stomach pumped after drinking too much sperm. That was funny. (If you drink a whole pint of sperm one is unlikely to have more of a problem than heartburn.)
I keep looking down and saying, “Ovulate already!!”
I’m really happy that we are doing this without telling people. I like that this is just us because really, everything is about just us. You are the only one I will spend forever with.