Author Archives: Krissy Gibbs

About Krissy Gibbs

Just your average hippy white trash incest survivor stay at home mom. Is there an average for us? No? Oh well.

It’s bad.

24 Replies

Some people are aware that I have back problems, but I generally try not to whine too much about the situation. Today I don’t want to whine, I want to lie on the floor and sob. It hurts. It hurts so much I keep seeing flashes of white light through my field of vision. I keep having low level spasms. My kids don’t really seem to notice and that is for the best.

But I notice. And I’m taking enough Ibuprofen to make my stomach hurt. Tonight, Vicodin even though it will make me want to throw up. That feeling is better than this pain.

Very emotional day

4 Replies

And not even for me. I have had three kids come to me to pour their hearts out and ask for help/advice/wisdom. I’m being as gentle as I am capable and taking them to people with more authority when it is a good thing. It means it has been a day for lots of personal disclosure, “You don’t know what foster care is like!” “Well honey… actually, I do.” “You don’t know what it is like to be the only white kid in a neighborhood and have lots of people want to beat you up.” “Well honey…. actually, I do.” Then there is the kid where his parents have told him he is getting thrown out on his 18th birthday so he is trying to determine his options for getting out of high school early so he can get a job. I understand that situation too. *sigh*

It’s one of those days when I feel like despite how difficult my job is–I am where I am supposed to be. Not many people have had my experiences and I’m glad that I can help the kids.

Lost in my head

Leave a reply

Disneyland was good. Spending time with my baby is fantabulous. Tired. Busy. The next few weeks are going to be killer. I’m going to beg grading assistance on 4/29. It’s going to be frightning by then. I can do it, but I’m going to barely sleep for the next two weeks. Between grading and planning… I feel like I’m drowning. But! On the bright side, this is the last hard core push for the whole year. 🙂

I weep for the future.

15 Replies

“In the book of Death of a Salesman by Authir Millar was about a family that lived a typical life. Now with Authur Miller writing this play he wanted to show his point in the book to show how criticism works and the different ethnics. In all the world and years that we the people have been through this was formed to make a point out about how criticism reflects. When you pick up a book and read the first couple of pages you will only buy it if you seem interested in it. The writer wants you to see his/her art of the text. The interesting part of the text is that it’s a game, you have the cards in your hand and the book is the deck. If you play the cards right you can see how the text is written It’s a pick and guess game that would make the book work your mind. If you read over the text you’ll miss all the hints and interpretation of the book. My point is in this, is that in every book has to have text. In ever text there is art formed to explain what the author has benn through or what he/she wants to happen. Everyone has a unique life stye; this could lead to “misreading” or changing how the book is empathized. With everything that is happening in the book, it can effect on how the text is plotted out in the book.”

A real life introduction to a criticism paper for my class. This is by far the worst one I have seen so far. It could get worse. heh (Typos and not ever spelling the author’s name correctly… that’s all her.)

Woof. Grading.

6 Replies

I am finally getting around to grading the big scary criticism essays the kids wrote. (This is the only assignment this year that I have slacked on. The kids are shocked, but actually pretty cool about the fact that I haven’t done it. heh) Each paper is taking about 8 minutes to grade. There are ~100 papers. This means it will take over 13 hours of grading. Holy crudmonkeys Batman. *sigh* I have done 6 papers so far. I started with my cruddy class on purpose (6th period just doesn’t have very many strong students… I don’t know why…) so that things would improve steadily as I go through grading. I have one B-, a couple of C’s and a D so far. Ugh. This is expected, but not cheerful. I’ve been grading for a while this morning. I’m trying to grade 5-10 then take a break, then come back. It doesn’t help that I have massive amounts of house cleaning I want to do and I would much rather be just cleaning. *sigh*

The problem is: I put a lot of comments on each essay. They worked hard on these papers and I belive they deserve to understand what they are doing well and what they are doing poorly. But see, all of my teacher training has told me that a lot of comments are BAD because they freak out the kids and they don’t read them or care anyway. But I still think that they deserve to know how they are doing, Damnit. So I will comment. And I will give them 5 minutes at the end of class to go over the comments and ask questions if they need to.

The last time I did a big hard push on grading I had Erik and Noah help me and we sat around drinking alcohol and making catty comments. That was awesome. 🙂 I wish that these essays could be treated the same way… Maybe we can do that again for the next batch of writers workshop stories. 🙂 Those are less formal and it’s ok for those math/science boys to help grade those ones. I don’t trust them with literary criticism. 😉

The biggest perk

3 Replies

I made a joke last night about the perks I get from being married that was a bit off color and didn’t fully flatter my baby. Really though, the best perk is that anytime he wakes up at all he instantly rolls over so he can grab me like a teddy bear and pull me in close to snuggle. And I am going to get to experience that for decades. I win.

LJ introductions

2 Replies

mzmtnlion, allow me to introduce i_am_dsh and her lovely husband, terpsichoros. They live on the island with you. They are incredibly interesting people (dancing, costuming, singing, other fun hobbies) AND all of ya’ll like me. That’s quite a lot to have in common. And as if that weren’t enough–they are about to have a baby! Yay for more babies! 🙂

Just sayin.

Oops…

4 Replies

I had a conversation with a student who isn’t mine, but who has spent a lot of time in my room with her friends. We established that she is bi, has been “sharing” her girlfriend, and I know the lot of them wear collars. As soon as I realized I was giving advice on how to manage time in a poly relationship to a girl wearing a collar…. time to walk away. I’ll give her the advice in two years. 😉

Then today clothing was picked out based on its ability to cover the hickey on my arm. We didn’t stop and think about the hickey on my boob as I walked out wearing a scoop necked shirt. Second period asked me why I have a hickey on my boob. I blushed, then said, “Well… I’m married….”

I’m now wearing my sweater buttoned up to my neck. Very silly.

{my shit} Thinking about depression

15 Replies

I have been told all of my life that I am a negative person. I can’t count how many people have told me that. At this point I realize that the label doesn’t actually fit. I am not negative; in fact, I am very positive. The reason I have so many mood swings is because I have always had very good reasons to be upset and sad but I try to bounce back. If I weren’t fighting to be positive I wouldn’t have nearly so many mood swings.

Everytown has brought up some really heavy duty processing for me. Last night Noah and I were talking and I told him more of the pieces. I told him things I have literally never said out loud in my life. I feel raw and exposed and scared. I also recognize that I am very deeply depressed and if I am honest with myself I have been since the scary scene in late December. If I really stop and look at what has been happening I can see big patterns: I’ve significantly changed my eating habits for the worse, I’ve all but stopped moving let alone exercising, and I am hiding from people unless I have no choice. This has resulted in me gaining weight and losing muscle so I am progressively more unhappy about how I feel in my body. Ok, so I can see this happening. Now I need to figure out what to do about it.

I have been trying so hard to not acknowledge that I am falling into this pit because it feels like I am letting Noah down. But I’m here. And I need to deal with it. For the record: we are still in that “don’t give me advice” week. I don’t need meds; I have crawled out of this before by myself and I will do it again. The first big step in dealing with a problem is admitting you have it. Ok, I’m depressed. Time to start working on fixing it.

Shit

12 Replies

The last few days have been a serious roller coaster ride. I’ve been forced to look at things and talk about things that I try not to acknowledge. And the end result of so much of it is that I have even more people who feel qualified to tell me what I should do to “be better” in some way.

I would like to take this moment to ask the universe to keep any and all advice away from me for a while. Don’t tell me what I can do to handle ‘x, y or z’ better or what I can do to be happier or be more positive. Fuck you. What I could do to raise my general happiness is punch you in the face. I don’t think it would go well. So, seeing as that is the only option I am interested in, I am better off avoiding the whole thing.

Why does feeling depressed lead to defensive leads to blind rage? Rhetorical question. Really, don’t answer it.

{insecurity} Stuff

8 Replies

I have always been insecure–as long as I can remember anyway. And most of the time I am told to get over it. I am told to just stop. But Noah doesn’t do that.

We cover a lot of the same ground over and over and over again. But he doesn’t lose patience with me. I ask him the same stupid questions over and over. He still reassures me.

I’m getting to the point where I might even believe he is telling the truth.

It’s a crazy idea. Maybe I’m not just the latest. Maybe I am actually special.

Yay/Boo

16 Replies

My friends came over, Yay! My mouth still hurts, Boo!

I think sleeping in a non-sitting up position (I mostly sleep on my sides) was a mixed blessing. It allowed me to get that first 6 hours of deep sleep thanks to vicodin keeping the pain at bay, but then I couldn’t sleep for shit because being more flat meant that my face is more swollen and owie feeling. *sigh* And Noah’s nose bumping the side of my face at rapid fire early this morning was agonizing. Who would have thought that such a cute little nose could feel so awful at times? heh

And I have to drive to Costco now so no Vicodin for me. 🙁 And I’m supposed to help move furniture today, so no Vicodin for me. This shall sucketh. But! I’m still happy I was asleep! 🙂

(I’m on soft foods still, but I’m trying to do a little bit of chewing because what I’m chewing is protein. The softer stuff means I am hungry every hour to an hour and a half. I am still sitting here dreaming about tasty food. Mmmmmmm.)

Thank the Goddess

4 Replies

This was so easy. Asleep, then woozy for like 3 hours. Right now part of my mouth is still numb but otherwise I feel completely fine.

I love anesthesia. I’ve eaten mashed potatoes, jello, and soup. And my baby is the most wonderful baby in the whole wide world for taking care of me. 🙂