Author Archives: Krissy Gibbs

About Krissy Gibbs

Just your average hippy white trash incest survivor stay at home mom. Is there an average for us? No? Oh well.

Random shit

Disneyland is still cool.
First dates… are interesting.
Still not up for sex even though I am crawling the walls.
I went to the gym and I am proud of myself.
I haven’t made one itty bitty movement towards cleaning my apartment.
I have food now.
Tomorrow I have three netflix movies to send back.
My cat is hella clingy.
My family sucks even more than usual.
I am really drunk.
I told Puppy that he is an elitist piece of shit tonight.
I am tired of planes.
I am really tired and uninterested in sleeping for some strange reason… I think I am going to lose that battle in the next 10 minutes though.
I missed country music.
Zzzzzzzzz
sleep.
I love my friends.

ahhhhh

Want to post about the delicious time I had in New York. But… must pack and sleep… I have to be awake in 5 hours so that I can go jump on another damn plane.

(I almost want to complain only I feel so freakin jet-set and awesome and special.) Tomorrow at this time, I am very likely to still be in Disneyland…

My life, it does not suck.

Happy Holidays.

My holidays just got a hair happier when the last week and the next week were already spifftacular.

I’ve had a couple of mood slumps and weird stuff going on in my head, but I’m fighting to keep the cheerfulness. My Christmas should be absolutely rockin and I am looking forward to it more than I can express.

I have caught up on almost all of the 350 back emails I had to go through. I think I have 5 left.

I have enjoyed the time with Julia, even though I am a slug and not very entertaining. I have spent too much time online. I am looking at the time as brain de-frag. I am pretty caught up on sleep and that is awesome.

I get to trot down to NYC tomorrow and see two lovely, wonderful people. I am excited!

On Friday when I get back I am going to go see Rent with Julia and her boyfriend. That will be fun. 🙂 Then I get up early in the morning and run off to the airport!

On Saturday I fly to LA and go to DISNEYLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will still be at Disneyland on Sunday and Monday!!!!!!!!
I fly home on Tuesday. I have papers to grade. Heh.

I’m pretty happy right now.

I see you.

I see how much I scare you and how much you have been hurt.
I don’t know why you are talking to me or if you will continue talking to me.
Are you going to run away and hide?
You said that you can talk to me because it isn’t scary–but I’m about as scary as they come.I see how much you want yet are afraid to ask for.
I don’t know why you have been afraid to ask before and I don’t know if I will understand.
Are you going to hide inside your head and refuse to be part of the world?
You said that you can talk to me because it isn’t serious–but I’m about as serious as they come.

Why are you doing this to me? How do you think you or I will benefit?
I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I’m done.
If you just want to hurt mego away.
I really don’t need another opportunity for growth right now.
I’m still dealing with the growing pains from the last growth spurt.

I see what you want, but I don’t believe you.
Maybe I am deluding myself–I don’t know.
I see what I want, but I don’t believe in possibilities.
Maybe I am hurting myself by not hoping–I don’t know.

But I see you.

I likes this meme

1. My username is ____ because ____.
2. My journal is titled ____ because ____.
3. My subtitle is ____ because ____.
4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.
5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

My username is boot_slut because that is the handle that I came up with when I was with Tom and I haven’t ever tried to figure out another one. For a brief time I thought about switching to foundgirl. That came up in a conversation with Noah and our talks about the lost and found. It’s a long story, but I didn’t do it for whatever reason and now… I just don’t know who I am so this works.

My journal is titled Chasing the Future because I feel like that is what I am doing.

I don’t have a subtitle right now.

My friends page is called “These are a few of my favorite people (cause the other bastards aren’t on lj) because I think it is funny.

My default userpic is the infamous boots because… well… boots.

wake up, little Susie…

AWAKE!!!!!!! I am awake. Like, very awake. Like… ready to bounce off the walls… But I am still in bed cause it is warm here. It is also way too early. I fell asleep at 11 last night cause that is as late as I could keep my eyes open and I woke up at 7:30. This would be great only my body thinks it was 8-4:30. Cause I know this doesn’t feel like 7:30 to me.

I spent lots of time yesterday with my Julia. It was lovely and fabulous. We got to talk how we haven’t been able to talk in person in a very long time. Have I mentioned that I have really missed her? She challenges me in all sorts of good ways. We talked about what we each want out of life. Talking with her about that feels different than it does with most people. I feel like I am talking to someone who has dealt with the same shit, so is coming from the same starting place. I don’t know if it is awful of me, but I get kind of pissy when I talk to people who have had life very easy who want to talk to me about where my goals are. Fuck you. Don’t tell me what I should be striving for. I’m really kind of awful like that. Julia can question me; she has the life experience to do so.

I had a weird dream about running away to home early. I got on a bus because I *just had to leave*. Which I can’t imagine because I feel more comfortable here than I have on a vacation in a very long time. I used to feel this comfortable at Max’s house in Seattle. Other than that… I can’t remember feeling this comfortable outside my home. I’m willing to bet that right now it has to do with the fact that I might as well be here because I don’t feel super comfortable at home yet anyway.

Still up in the air as far as NYE goes. I have several options. I can get into Debaucherama free cause I won the slut contest last year–but I really don’t think I want to go. I can go to a birthday party where I will sort of know the birthday girl and her partner and no one else. I think my current plan is to go to a party that a bunch of college friends host every year… but I didn’t go to college with them. I will know about four people at that one. Although I have met most of the people there a few times cause I have been dropping in on this party for years, I just normally only spend a little bit of time there.

I started rambling about sex. So I’ll close this entry and start one behind a different filter…

What the freak

All of a sudden I am getting nervous.

I don’t know why. I like flying. I am fine with flying alone. I like Julia and I am excited to see her. I have done everything I need to do. I’m even packed with more than an hour to spare!

Why am I nervous? I don’t get it. In about 9 hours I will be able to snuggle my girly. That will be lovely. Nothing nervous making in that…

I feel like I need to memorize my house and I don’t know why. I guess I could do more futzing with stuff to bring. I haven’t actually decided yet if I want to bring grading or not. I kind of think that I should give myself permission to not have to carry the *weight*. I will have more than a week when I get back to grade. I will just bring a couple of books. I am going to read Huck Finn for the first time (I’m going to teach it in about 6 weeks–I should read the freakin thing) and I should bring one or two that are just candy for me. Ok, picked them out and they aren’t pure candy but they sound good. The Bonfire of the Vanaties and Tom Jones. It’ll be good. 🙂

I’m trying to convince myself that I am independent and that I like alone time. It hasn’t worked yet.

Today I have:

Completely updated my grades for both classes and given the seniors the opportunity to make up a bunch of points.

I am currently substituting.

I sent an email to the parent I needed to give makeup work to.

I updated the assignment information to the website.

When this period ends I need to:
Go pick up my paycheck.
Drop off all the crap I am *not* taking home over break.
Clean up my desk.
Turn in the attendance sheet.

Then I need to go home and do laundry and pack. I am getting picked up at 6. I will have around 4 hours to get ready. I can do it. 🙂

I am amazed that I have actually managed to get everything done!

No tag backs

I got tagged.

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in
your Livejournal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

1. Stay with Me (Brass Bed) – Josh Gracin
2. My Worst Fear – Rascal Flatts (ohmygod sad breakup song)
4. Walk the Line – Johnny Cash
5. You’ll Think of Me – Keith Urban
6. Breathe (2AM) – Anna Nalick
7. Holy Water – Big & Rich

(Tagging does not actually obligate you, I’m just playing along.)
doctorcurly, malixe, teamnoir, cyranocyrano, aberrantvirtue, jaguarnoelle, boxofchaos

{my shit} family blow up

So my sister has some serious problems. She is a drug addict and an alcoholic. She was doing well for several years and now she is off the wagon again. She is choosing to host parties for her children’s friends in which many teenagers get very drunk and often there is a lot of pot involved. As a mandated reporter, I have a problem with this. I also have a problem with the abusive environment in which she is raising her children. She is an alcoholic, with all the erratic behavior that entails. I believe it would be best for her children to be taken away from her.

Let me try to start the story of yesterday from the beginning.

My mom called yesterday morning just to chat and the topic of my sister eventually came up. I expressed my concern about the parties that my sister hosts and told my mother the stories that my sister has relayed about some of the parties. (A 12 year old with severe alcohol poisoning and a 14 year old girl taking on multiple guys at once and having it be photographed and then put on the internet being the stories that bother me the most.) There was to be a party last night and legally I have to report it. I just wasn’t sure how hard to push it. My mother encouraged me, nay–begged me to call the police and do anything in my power to have my sister’s children taken away. I felt rather conflicted and I didn’t decide what to do while on the phone with her. I talked to my brother about it and he thinks that anything that could cause my sister to lose her children would be for the best. A little while later my mother called back and told me she has been thinking about the situation like crazy and she has to tell me that if I decide to do this and my sister ever finds out that it was me who turned her in I cannot let on that my mother knew about it. My mother explicitly told me that she would call me a liar if I ever said she knew anything about it. I got rather hysterical and yelled, “Just like my father called me a liar?” and hung up the phone.

The rest of the day was a series of overly frantic and urgent phone calls to various friends who have knowledge of the legal system and a family friend who is a lawyer and my brother. My brother and I had some really hard and crappy phone calls. Eventually I decided to go over to my sister’s house and check the party out for myself before I decided what to do. By 7:30 they were out of beer and the people who bring the hard alcohol and pot weren’t at this party. This would not be the time to call the police in my opinion. Very little would happen. I still have to file a report with CPS, but that can be done as a teacher and my name won’t be involved in the investigation. My sister will think it is one of my niece or nephew’s teachers.

So there was this huge, nasty, dramatic day for… not much of anything. I hate my family. I will not be spending Christmas with my mother. My brother is going to be talking with my mother today and he told me that if she does not show a rather drastic change of attitude she will no longer have access to his children either because she is perpetuating the cycle of alcoholism and abuse. It is going to be difficult to explain to my sister what is going on and why I am not going to be there, but oh well.

I don’t have a father. I don’t have a mother. My sister is an alcoholic, abusive person who cannot seem to break the cycle she is in. She is headed for another downward spiral and I cannot and will not be a part of it nor condone it. My brother is a controlling, belligerant asshole and talking with him always leaves me more frazzled and upset than I was before. As much as I don’t want to, I need to completely cut my bio-family out of my life. They are destroying themselves and they want to take me down with them. I simply do not have the strenth to be involved with them and maintain appropriate boundaries for myself.

I am tired of this whole mess. I can see no way in which I have benefitted. I feel so incredibly alone and it hurts.

distracted

Today the things I could do include: Dickens Fair, kinky flea and/or fandango, and helping friends move.

I think I will stay home and catch up on all the crap I have to do. My lesson plans have to be so detailed that it will blow the mind of my supervisor when she shows up on Wednesday. I assume they are all going to be 2-3 pages in length. 🙁 I need to do the take home final for my assessment class. I need to catch up on grading because I am woefully behind. I need to finish cleaning my kitchen and do dishes. I need to spend some freakin time with my cat. I need to finish up The Mayor of Casterbridge and write all of the reading quizzes for the week. I need to figure out what activity I am going to do with my Gatsby kids the week after Christmas break to help them become more involved in the book and wrap up their understanding.

I would like to bake cookies. I would like to start cinnamon rolls, but I don’t think that will happen this year. Cookies are doable though. I feel disappointed by the acknowledgment that I simply will not be able to get to cinnamon rolls this year. It is a time and energy and even a space thing. Maybe I will make some after Christmas just for the hell of it? I also don’t need to make a triple batch. Just one batch for me. It would take less time, energy, and space. Hm. Think about that later.

I want my house completely tidy today. I am very close to tidy right now, but I’m just not there. I also need to vaccuum somewhat desperately.

Oh, btw… I changed my plans for this weekend radically from what I thought I was going to do.
It all started when Marcus flaked on me.

Request

Would anyone be willing to house sit/cat sit while I am away? I leave the night of the 16th and return the afternoon of the 27th. 🙂

My cat is remarkably easy to take care of but I would really like it if someone could be here a little in order to keep her company.