From aberrantvirtue
Leave a comment, if you’d like, to this entry, and I will tell you something I like/love about you.
Please repost the meme in your own journal if you have happy thoughts to spare, as this week is the beginning of the downhill slide for so many people, and I’d like to help boost those I can!
I should be able to respond fairly promptly in the next day or so. 🙂 I want to remind myself just how much I like ya’ll.
I have a hard time not being hostile when they whine and complain about getting too much work. I am not assigning too much work. I am assigning less than I probably should. Yet they complain. And when I spend 30 minutes explaining something and they spend that time talking to their friends and not paying attention and then we do the exercise and they raise their hand and say, “I don’t understand” I want to scream.
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE DIRTBAG
Ok. I’m calm. I swear.
I am staring at a pile of quizzes yet to be graded. They will be easy to grade… once I get through the last of these POS essays. The stupid absent kids. AHHH I thought I was done!!!! *sigh*
Tomorrow is the end of the grading period. Technically I have until Tuesday to turn in my grades, but I really want to be done early. If I am done early I can have my weekend alllll to myself. 🙂 That would be lovely. Tomorrow I have a parent meeting at 3:45. That’s kind of annoying. *grumble* But, my desk should be cleaned up by then. 🙂
Today in class:
Student: “So THAT’s what that means. How do you expect me to know that?”
Me: “I don’t. That is why you come to class and we talk about it.”
Student: “Oh.”
I thought it was funny.
And I am at school. Admittedly mostly because of the internet access, although I have been making copies for the last 45 minutes. Today I graded papers and puttered around getting my apartment together and did the lesson plans for tomorrow. I am not getting ahead on lesson plans. I suck. I do always prepare the day in advance though. Further than that seems to be beyond my abilities right now. 🙁 I still haven’t cried. My cat is still being odd. She spends most of her time hiding in the closet, but she comes out and bugs the crap out of me when I am trying to sleep.
Now it is 8:20. I’m stapling together my huge pile of copies now. I haven’t seen anyone I would consider a friend in more than 48 hours and I am unlikely to see a friendly face until Friday. More than 48 hours ago and on Friday that face will be Puppy’s. I’m once again doing as Rebecca says and working hard, but it is lonely. This Friday is the end of the grading period and I am pretty buried under paperwork. Woof. I did get both sets of essays graded today. I feel good about that. I have a bunch of reading quizzes and vocabulary to grade. Blah. I might tackle more of that when I go home tonight. Maybe. If I am a good girl. I am getting internet at my house tomorrow. YAY!
Now a teacher is here talking to me. I’ll be social.
I went and hunted down one of my kids today. A girl who hasn’t been to class in two weeks. The girl I flipped off. The one who wrote a really awesome book report and hasn’t been back to class to see her grade. The one that reminds me a *lot* of me at that age, down to the same stupid clothes. (Shouldn’t styles have changed by now?!)
I pestered her for about thirty minutes. Turns out she is trying to get into an alternative ed program so that she can actually finish high school next year. Right now she has 50 credits and she should have around 150. Doh. She will be withdrawn from regular classes sometime in the next two or three weeks so she has decided not to bother going anymore anyway. I drove her *nuts*.
“Well, you aren’t withdrawn from class yet. That means you better start coming to class or I am going to start following you around and bugging you all of the time.”
“What is the point? I don’t learn anything in my classes.”
“Excuse me?!!!?!? You don’t learn anything in my class?!?!?!?!!”
“Ok. That’s true. I think I have learned more from you than any other teacher I have had in high school.”
“Ok, that means you will show up to at least my class until you are withdrawn from regular school.”
“Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack. You need to get your ass to my class and get as much from it in the short time we have left together as you can. The stuff I am teaching you will help you in the alternative ed program and in the rest of your life. I am going to be pissed off at you if you waste this time.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. Now are you going to be there on Monday or do I have to drive to your house and drag you by your hair?”
“Fine. I’ll be at your class on Monday. But you can’t make me go to any other class.”
“Ok. Oh, and you have to go to the bookroom and pick up The Great Gatsby and read chapter one by Monday. We are starting a new unit.”
“There is no way.”
“Wanna make a bet? Lets go to the bookroom together right now and get the book. And you will have the first chapter read by Monday or I will make your life hell on earth.”
“I don’t want to go right now. I am in the middle of something.”
“If I don’t drag you right now you won’t go and I want you to go.”
“I’ll go. I promise.”
“I don’t think I should believe you.”
“WHAT?!?! You didn’t just say that.”
“Yes I did. You won’t go if I don’t go with you.”
“Yes I will. But how long is chapter one?”
“Around 25 pages.”
“What?! Ok, I’ll have like 50% read by Monday.”
“That isn’t good enough. You will have the whole thing read by Monday or I will be eating lunch with you and your friends and drive you crazy for a month.”
“Oh my god. You would totally do that. Ok fine. I’ll read it, but you have to bring me cookies. Just me.”
“Excuse me? You expect me to bribe you to get your work done?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Ok fine. I’ll do the reading anyway.”
I finally left her alone.
I’m bringing her cookies. 🙂 She only gets them if she passes the reading quiz though.
Waiting is a dangerous thing. I decided to head in hella early this morning instead of cuddling with my baby. I left my house at 6:28. Turns out it was a good thing. As I was smoothly sailing past 101 on 880 there was a traffic announcement of a six car accident, a two car accident, and a three car accident on the freeway at various points along my route. My commute time would have doubled if I would have waited twenty more minutes.
Instead I get to wait around at school. Part of the reason I came in so early was I thought I was going to do a presentation second period. Turns out I wasn’t! Then… another teacher couldn’t do it so the administration was happy to have me around and prepared. Good thing! 🙂
Now I’m waiting on my next period. I am all set and ready to go. I’m also ready for 5th period, provided of course that I can make my stupid laptop work with the projector. *sigh*
It’ll work out. I’m just waiting…
This afternoon I get to go pick up Uncle Bob’s Truck. See, there are trucks and then there are Trucks. This is a Truck. Tonight at home I will be tossing the last of my shit in boxes and dragging boxes down to the garage to make them easier to move tomorrow. I just want this to be done already.
I want to fall down.
The seniors did ok. I had one group that sucked. I made a mistake and didn’t put at least one strong student in the group so they just bombed and did jack shit all period. Hey–your grade buddy. Most of the class/groups did a fabulous job. The money stuff was too hard for them, everything else was great. I had a couple of kids try on my corset, mostly boys… It was cool.
Today I need to finish my lesson plans for tomorrow and I should get Monday done as well. I should also finish the last few folder for grading. I have not yet finished grading The Crucible final exam or either of the seniors’ essays. And now I have these packets to grade too. *sigh* That shit is not getting done this weekend. I am not even taking it home. I warned them that I am moving so forget it. Other teachers have told me that they are a month behind on grading so me being a week behind is not a big deal. oy. I hate being behind.
I need to figure out my two weeks of teaching full time. AHHH
I have it on my calendar when I need to sit down and write my next few papers. Heh. Due dates for myself a week before they are do. I just can’t pull all-nighters right now.
I am moving day after tomorrow. I have tonight and tomorrow left of commuting. I was approved for the apartment. yay! busy busy busy.
Puppy plans to go back up to Berkeley Sunday evening, so I will probably try to get some lesson planning done then as well. Tuesday is my big push day though. Tuesday I have to have my lesson plans finished for the rest of these units. Period. That way I will have an easier time when I pick up the two additional preps for two weeks. Thursday and Friday (next week) after school I will be grading. Saturday the 19th is so crazy booked. Sunday is my Puppy Day and it will be sacrosanct, damnit. So I have to be ready for the next week by Friday. This is my commitment to myself. I get upset with him for wasting our time together, that means I can’t do it either.
If you open the cut–consider yourself warned. This is freakin huge. This is the evaluation part of what I am having my seniors do tomorrow. If I posted it all I would completely bury your friends page.
My sister decided to create an lj so she can start reading mine. Heh. I didn’t put her on on any of the dirty filters…
*wave*
Hi Sissy! Jenny is around! Uhm…. I think that is the only one you know.
I think I was supposed to be at a wedding yesterday and I completely forgot. I can’t use wireless at home so I haven’t been bothering to turn my computer on which means I haven’t looked at my calendar.
I feel really bad. 🙁
To make it less of a horrible thing: I have slept through most of this weekend and I think I am getting sick. 🙁
I’m getting apartment 69.
*giggle*
So I saw an apartment today in Willow Glen. The location would be ideal. It was really large for a one bedroom apartment–probably more than 600 sq feet. The kitchen was decent the closets rocked. (Clothing closet about 8 ft long with two shelves above and two linen closets.) The downsides are: it is up a very narrow and obnoxious flight of stairs and would suck to move into and they don’t allow cats. That last bit is a deal breaker unfortunately. SUCK
So looks like I am moving into the 500 sq foot apartment that is on Camden not far from Blossom Hill. It is plenty big enough for my needs and they are alright with me keeping Puff. I’m ok with it. It’s about 15 minutes from the school on city streets or 10 minutes on the freeway. I will be content I think.
This will be the first time in my life I have lived completely and totally alone. It’s kind of scary. I will have just Puff and Ted to ward off the boogiemen. I’m feeling kind of pathetic because I have a serious lack of kitchen stuff. Once upon a time I had it, but my brother needed it and I didn’t so I let him have it and he still has it. Oh well. No use crying over spilt milkshake. Hmmmm I should make a milkshake.
My sense of perspective is all fucked up these days. Who lives nearish to San Jose? Who will I start bugging to come over cause I hate being alone?
I can’t waaaaaaaaaaaait until I get to sleep later. My early day is 8:20 and if I live down there I will need to leave my house at 7:30 on that day. Dude. Now I’m leaving my house at 6:30. On Thursdays and Fridays I won’t have to leave until 8:30. God it will be awesome. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I’m very tired and out of it and confuzzled. I want my brain back.
I also want some comments. Show me some love, damnit.
Today I am going to be looking at an apartment complex that I am interested in. First I am looking at the studio, then the one bedroom. If I like either I may just sign the lease today.
Therapy yesterday was good and very hard. I spent a while crying. Puppy thought that was a reflection of the therapist picking on me. She asked me to think about ways I can let Puppy console me and it led to me crying a lot because I don’t know if I can let him console me. I realized how much my trust in him is damaged. That was so hard. And it isn’t because of things that have happened often or things that he realized were such a big deal. He won’t defend or protect me, ever. Those things matter to me. I am starting to realize that those things might just be the most important thing and he didn’t do it. We have opened a dialogue about it. It’s very scary. After the session I felt wrung out and seriously depressed. I tried calling a couple of friends to see if they wanted to have dinner but they weren’t available. 🙁 After a couple of hours I rallied and was in a better mood than I have been in a while. This is some seriously hard stuff and if we can figure it out we have a much higher chance of making it period. People are still telling me to DTMFA (dump the mother fucker already for those of you who do not read Savage Love) and asking me why I want to stay with him. I still don’t have a coherent answer. I want him because I love him so much I ache and feel empty when he is away from me. I want him because he makes me smile and laugh and he is happy to play with me. It is kind of weird. I am always playful with people I date, but I normally do it from the cover of being “little.” He is pretty freaked out by me being little, so I have to play as an adult. It’s a different kind of mindset.
Still scared. Still insecure. Maybe feeling a little better though.
(Not really, but since I’m on a song lyric naming scheme.)
Today went better than I thought it would. I am nearing completion on packing. I am not 100% done on my unit plan, but close enough that I am going to seriously impress my master teacher. I haven’t done any grading though. I suck! I was in a horrible horrible mood for most of the day, at least until about 2:30. Crying and generally being a total spaz. Then we had sex. (First time in a week.) Now I’m in a good mood and feeling ok and more stable. I really wish he understood this correlation better and volunteered sex more regularly. It is a whopping 8pm and Ken has left. (The annoying best friend was here for dinner and a movie; we all played nice and got along well.)
I’m tired. I think I am going to pass out by about 9:30 and pray I sleep until 6. I am going to go into work early and get some stuff ready for my kids. Oh! I need to go create a pop quiz for my stupid seniors! They pissed me off on Thursday. It is horrible that having sex makes me feel like I can actually handle all that is on my plate.
Oh! And the teacher I hate will be absent on Wednesday. We are just watching a movie in class. 🙂 The week won’t suck!
My new laptop behaved poorly today. It would not transfer the image to the projector and it is being funky about returning from sleep mode. Mother Fucker. And it won’t connect to the network at my house. It hasn’t since I got on Kevin’s network. Or rather, it gets on and then disconnects every five minutes. This means I: use Puppy’s computer (with the keyboard that seriously sucks) or I sit on the floor in the cold gun room. I am not thrilled with either option. I hate netgear.
My seniors are little bastards and I think I am going to have a pretty heavy duty drink in about five minutes.
Puppy wanted to stay at lab tonight so that he could spend the time with Ken. But that isn’t what he told me originally. Just that he though he should test run it. I feel like he isn’t being up front. Why do I have to play 20 fucking questions.
I have not gotten any packing done recently and I am upset with myself for it.
I’m actually thinking about going and looking at a bunch of apartments tomorrow and basically signing a lease and starting to move next week. This commute is just horrible. I feel like I am wasting soooo much time.
I have to do two unit plans basically within the next week. I have two new units starting in 10 days and I am freakin out. The two units are on poetry and The Mayor of Casterbridge my least favorite part of teaching English (poetry) and a book I sort of read once last year. No one else in the school has taught it before so I get to make it all up from scratch. This is good and bad.
I need to get started on my seminar paper the sooner the better. I have about a month left on that.
I have something like four books that I should read in the next two weeks.
My juniors are doing well though.
I think tonight will be lesson planning and crying.
I have these plans of being social this weekend. Uhm, it may not happen. Depends on how much I get done tonight. 🙁
So uhhhh has anyone ever felt prompted to write a little bit of erotica for someone? Have you then sent it? What was the reaction? Did you feel silly?
Four things I use everyday:
toothbrush, shoes (very sad really), some sort of hair tie, glasses
Four jobs I’ve had in my life:
Ross–sales associate, sandwich maker at Togo’s, jill-of-all-trades for theatre, teacher!
Four TV shows I watch…
yeah no
Four people I’ve talked to on the phone recently:
Mommy, Julia, Puppy, uhm… I don’t know. I IM everyone. I called all of my kids’ parents.
Four movies I could watch over and over:
Shawshank Redemption, The Color Purple, Beaches, First Wives Club
Four things I want to do in life:
Finish my fucking masters, have kids, see basically all of Europe, spend more than a month on all of the inhabited continents (time does not have to be sequential).
Four family members I am close to:
Alex, Anna, Ali, and Julia. These people are my family.
Four places I’ve been on vacation:
Hawaii, Ireland, Alaska, Australia.
Four costumes I’ve worn on Halloween:
Pooh, ghost, clown, Snow White. (In totally random order.)
Four schools you have attended: (HA! This one is ridiculous.)
SJSU, CSUH, WVC, FHC (four colleges)
Four of your favorite pizza toppings:
olives, ham, pineapple, cheese
“If you need something, ask for it.” Easier said than done, lemmetellyou. A lot of what is going on with me lately is feeling scared and lonely and trapped and helpless. For me a lot of this manifests as feeling little. But my relationship with Puppy is firmly “big” and so I don’t have much space to work through those feelings in my current environment. So I’m creating a space where I can be little for at least a couple of hours this weekend. I am so grateful to and for my friends. When you think about it, it is kind of odd to talk to a friend and say, “Can I come over and be little this weekend?” I miss my Daddy right now. I have sent Tom a couple of emails and he is ignoring them. I know he is overwhelmed at work though so I’m trying not to take it personally. The last time he and I talked about it I asked him if he would still be my Daddy and he said yes, but that was well over a year ago.
I don’t know what I want or what I need right now. Today I’m not feeling well–tickly throat and achey stomach–and it is contributing to me just not feeling big. I know what I ‘need’ to get done for school but I just want to hide under the covers. I hear a visit from the waaaaaaaaaambulance coming.
*sigh* Must be productive today. This morning even. SUCK.
It is a good thing to call the parents every so often and just say, “Your kid is doing great! Will you please encourage them to do the upcoming assignment?” Cause then the parents think you are awesome and caring and stuff. Really, it is just a front though. 😉