There is a funny story about me writing this during class, but I’m too tired to type it. So you guys get the cut’n’paste version of what I did in class.
A really fun afternoon.
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Author Archives: Krissy Gibbs
eating crow
I frequently say that if a relationship doesn’t work once it won’t work a second time. If it ended, it should stay ended (no matter the reason it ended).
Hm. I think this crow would be pretty good with a little bit of apple dressing. I’m going to go find some.
🙂
Introvert v. Extrovert
I have always thought of myself as a rather extreme extrovert. I could never seem to get enough attention/interaction… you name it. I NEED to be around people.
But… I wonder if I have always felt this way because I was operating from a defecit. I never did get much time with people. I was alone because I had no choice–not because I wanted it. I didn’t have friends consistently until my late teens because we moved so often. I spent most of my childhood alone reading a book–kind of the model of introvert, but I was never happy about it. Starting with when I got involved with theatre at LGHS I fought being alone with all of my strength and energy. I kept up the fight until some ways into my relationship with Tom. I often complained about how boring he was because he wanted to sit at home and watch tv, but I was really part of the problem. I wanted him to stay home, but I wanted him to pay more attention to me. It was a difficult arrangment to figure out.
Now, I have been out and out and out and out for the past few months. I have been out so much that Miss Jenny has complained that I am gone far more than I am home–and it has been true in the main. But I returned from Ireland 26 days ago and I have slept somewhere other than my bed 7 times and no one has slept here. This is a rather drastic shift from how things had been happening in the previous three months. And they are shifting because I want them to. I have essentially turned down sex because I knew the person would want to spend the night/snuggle afterwards and I just wasn’t in the headspace for it. I am sleeping alone because I want to. I am breaking dates and staying home because I don’t want to deal with people. It is weird. This is entirely counter to the image I have of myself. I have even skipped some dance things because I just didn’t want to deal with people. I am having more and more trouble getting out of the house on time for dates/events because I just can’t bring myself to face the people. It really isn’t that I don’t want to see/don’t like the people–because I do. I really love and treasure the people in my life. But I’m feeling very overwhelmed by them.
For a while I’m going to try to go to events on my own rather than have a date. If I already have a date with you scheduled, I’m going to try to keep it–but please don’t take it personally if I cancel. I just feel over peopled right now. It’s like I am caving in under the pressure. The semester has begun and despite the fact that my grades weren’t that bad last semester, I need them to be higher this semester. This is going to necessitate more time spent on school.
I don’t know how this is going to play out. But I’m beginning to think I might actually be an introvert who manages to survive fairly well in an extrovert world rather than the extrovert I have always believed.
Very odd.
You know that whole morning person thing?
Not so much.
Awake till 4.
Woke up at 9:30ish by the phone. Somehow manage to babble for half an hour.
Play with computer for ~15 minutes.
Roll over and go to sleep again.
Wake up at 12:30. Dude.
Insomnia is teh suck.
But I do have new user icons. 🙂
(I have been being a total bitch to some guy who pinged me online about an hour ago. Ok, I was polite for a while. But then he got really pushy about asking me questions I didn’t want to answer and demanding a picture.)
I need to get some sleep…
tax question.
So. I’m working on my taxes. I made X amount of money. I paid Y amount of money for school. I am a grad student, so therefore independent. I can’t tell if it is a better idea to put Y in line 27 as part of the adjusted gross income or line 49 as part of tax and credits. (fyi, Y is ~$45 less than X… so yeah. I qualify for all of those “I’m poor” stuff.)
Anyone have any idea? I’m reading the booklets and I can’t figure it out…
ok fine
So maybe people do want to follow me home in the next month. I retract my silliness.
I will make the bed presentable upon demand. 🙂
Still happy…
I went to Davis. I felt fine before I got there. Then I got there. Then I started feeling crappy. I think I am allergic to Davis. I haven’t managed to shake the icki nose and coughing bit. 🙁
However, the party there was worth the small bit of suffering! Yummy people all around!! I like it when someone hears their partner having sex and that inspires them to want to have sex, and I am just so convenient! (ok, it wasn’t actually that I was convenient, I think I was the designated person for the night) and then! When we have sex… it inspires them to have sex again!! It is the most awesome thing in the world when that happens because the person I was having sex with seems to be conditioned to come when he hears his partner having sex! (I’ve never before had someone I was having sex with be triggered by someone who wasn’t involved. That was really amazing.)
I really like stumbling into hot couples/triads and getting to benefit from the supreme yumminess of all the people involved. And there were two such groupings at this party!!! I really have to say: my life doesn’t suck. I may not be having sex as often as I might prefer, but when I do it is with some really freakin amazing people. I’m actually pretty happy with how people are staying in my life and being repeats and I’m building relationships. I certainly seem to be building quite a network. yay. I love my friends. (I do seem to be finding a lot of couples/triads lately to spend time with. This is quite the trend. I wonder what this says about my current need for stability?)
Then I had a good date with Duck Boy. Target sucks. Before Sunrise and Before Sunset are good movies. He really wants Macaroni and Cheese for dinner when I make vegetable stir fry and gyoza and spring rolls. Odd boy.
looking at the calendar
There is absolutely zero likelihood that anyone will follow me home in the next month.
Screw this normal “bed” set up. I’m building a nest. More coziness for me.
🙂
Everyone should read this.
What’s the soundtrack of your life sound like?
I was driving down from Davis today and I put in an album I haven’t listened to for a while. Meredith Brooks. When "Bitch":
I just pissed off some guy who wanted a date…
But oh well.
I have observed over the years that when it comes to becoming involved with a new person, either they have to join my social group or I have to join theres. It is basically impossible to have a relationship where neither is willing to do this. I have often been the one to join the new social group, but yeah… it is getting to the point where I don’t want to join any new ones. I really like the people I have in my life and I already don’t have enough time to spend with them. Spreading myself any more thin would be just not possible.
So I guess that means people either come with me to my events, or… yeah. That’s the option for a while.
*shrug*
Memories…
Stolen from the cutest boymeat ever
If you read this, even if i don’t speak to you often, please post a memory of me. It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you.
If you want to post something graphic go ahead, but I might screen it cause I want to leave this one public.
Ask and ye shall receive?
So I’ve been bitching about not having enough sex recently.
I have a date on Tuesday with a cute dancer boy.
I spent tonight flirting with a different cute dancer boy.
I have several wonderful people providing me snuggles and lovely energy.
I might get sex tomorrow.
I might get sex Saturday… this is more doubtful though…
I get to go see Noah next week.
Ok. I’ll stop bitching.
*gleeful bouncing and skipping along*
I’m going to go wank now. It is very necessary after the teasing tonight. *Swoon*
weekend +
I want to write a long, beautiful, interesting story about my play this weekend but I am feeling totally blocked. You all get a short and more choppy story about What I Did Last Weekend. Cause I do want to share the basics anyway.
good stuff
Teach me
Well, the semester has begun… time to start writing in class again.
I’m feeling very faux
For breakfast I have:
Potatoes (pre shredded cause I’m a lazy git)
Fake bacon (it’s really good)
Egg Beaters
Non-fat, light yogurt and strawberries
Non fat milk
Light Orange Juice
Somehow… this breakfast feels inauthentic… (I couldn’t decide what I wanted, so I had smaller sizes of everything. )
Random information.
Ok… tentatively… I’ll declare this most recent bout of ‘funk’ over. I have been in a good mood since Friday. I’ve had one or two odd moments, but they passed really fast.
Today: I am downright happy. I’m sure a big chunk of todays good mood was getting to see my wonderful BlackSheep_lj and doing exercise stuff. (I am reminding myself not to stand funky right now honey…)
Yeah. I am feeling fun and perky and happy and even… cute.
Dude. I like this feeling.
surprise surprise….
So…
A friend just called me.
She wants me to come over. She has decided that today is the day for us to try figging.
Uhm…. ok.
🙂
I’m sure this has been around the net dozens of times… (Installing Love)
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-esteem, Grudge, and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-esteem with a module of its own called High Self-esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error – Program not run on external components”. What should I do?
Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets in at the proper time. So, Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Wow, thanks so much for your help!
Tech Support: You’re welcome