I woke up this morning feeling very touch needy. I have a date with friends tonight. I will probably get snuggles then. It’s a good thing cause I need it pretty bad.

A good date.

1. I have gone to Australia with a man I barely knew.
2. I have had naked pictures taken of me in front of a glacier lake.
3. I have left the country three times only bringing one backpack.
4. I lived as a slave for two years before my owner ended our M/s because it was “too much work.”
5. I have moved more than forty times.
6. I have attended thirty-one schools.
7. I have dealt with both my brother and my father committing suicide within three months of one another.
8. I had custom boots made in London.
9. I was attacked by a pit bull and had a large amount of my face removed and then put back.
10. I went to Paris in order to go to Disneyland Paris and didn’t see anything else there.

Has anyone else done any of these?

Today was my brothers birthday. He would have been 28.

I miss you Tommy.

Saturdays are booked through May. With the occasional Friday or Sunday something that goes with a Saturday something.

People. I am not actually that busy. I have two, count them two nights in the next 7 days wherein I do not have dates. So 😛

Good Grief.

A meme I can totally get behind from tenacious_snail:

In response to some really fun, helpful, eye-opening discussions I would like to propose the following.

I’m going to post three rejections to a sexual/romantic advance. I recognize that no response is suitable for all situations, but the idea is to come up with some that work, so that there is one available when needed. You tell me if you think I’ve managed to say no gracefully. Post three rejections in your own LJ (or find a works-for-you variation on Learning How to Say No Gracefully). The presumption is that the person who is attracted to you is not some random cyclist on Caltrain, but is someone who is a friend or acquaintance.

1. Unfortunately, at this point in time I don’t have time to see anyone new because I don’t have enough time to pay sufficient attention to the people I am already involved with. I thank you for the invitation though! (This is probably what I say most of the time. This has been a very hard won battle for me to be able to say. For a while I wasn’t sleeping because I spent so much time trying to go out with everyone who asked me out. I was still very much feeling like the ugly duckling who had to accept every morsal of attention because surely there weren’t very many people who were likely to be interested in me.)

2. Thank you very much for sharing your interest with me; I appreciate it because I know it is hard to do. I don’t really feel the same way about you though. (I can feel my inner self cowering as I even type that.)

3. I know that I flirt with you like crazy, but the flirting is as far as I want things to go. I am very sorry if you feel misled. Is it possible for us to just enjoy the energy of flirting with one another? (Telling someone this blew up in my face once. I was told that I ruined the mystery of “what might be” involved with the flirting. *sigh* I can’t win.)

I would like to write something really dirty right now, but I have a major case of writers block. Writers block combined with overwhelming horniness.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lately I have been a third more times than chance can account for. On a few happy occasions, I’ve even been a fourth! I suppose it could be safe to say that I like group sex. I am not sure what it is about the energy involved, but it seems to be exactly what fits for me at this stage of life.

I think couples represent both security and lack of commitment. Single people want to be part of a couple. They look at every person they date as a possibility for leaving the hell that is being single. Being invited to parties is often awkward when you are single. So when I date a couple I don’t have to worry about them wanting to partner up—they already have their main partner. They may be more interested in having me be a more active secondary than I am ready to be—but that pressure is distinctly less than when someone is looking for a primary type relationship. Because they aren’t massively in the hunting phase, they tend to be more settled in general and that feels like security to me. I can come to them in a consistent way and they are more likely to be consistent. I get to have my cake (security) and eat it too (not have to actually commit). I guess it is a win/win situation for me.

This being said: how does this actually work out in my life? With one couple that I am dating, they have a wonderful welcoming vibe. They enjoy their time with me when it happens but they never push me for more time. They have the most mellow approach to dating me that I can imagine. Seeing them is a pleasure because it is enjoyed in and of itself with no expectations. I think part of the reason that it works so easily with them is that they have only been involved for less than two years and they are still riding the NRE wave on their own and they are less intense about pursuing outside people. Another couple has been married for years and years. They are very solid, yet I notice that they seem to have something that they are consciously looking for. Being told that I am the perfect hot bi babe that they have been looking for… worries me. Spending time with them is good, but I distinctly get the impression that I am just not doing it as often as they would prefer. It is difficult to manage my own feelings that I am letting them down, but that is my baggage to bear. I need to not try to carve out more time out of guilt. I would rapidly feel resentful. Another couple has been having a lot of problems in their relationship and when I interact with them I am overly conscious of that. I worry about any sort of comment from him that I am “so amazing” because I instantly want to say, “But she is so amazing in this way and that way and this other way! You are soooooo lucky that you have her!” I can’t accept any sort of compliment in a natural fashion. One couple is extremely poly and is constantly pursuing new people. I don’t feel like I am something they want so much as they need the constant variety. Another couple has more or less looked at me just to see how I fit into their lives as a third. I am deeply worried about only being considered as a means to fill a hole in their lives. Maybe, couples are likely to grab at a person trying to form a relationship too…

From couple to couple it also varies greatly in how much I interact with each person. Sometimes I will go on dates with the female partner more than the male partner. Sometimes I have sex almost solely with the male. Sometimes it seems that I don’t spend time with one without the other and I definitely don’t have sex with either without both present. With one couple that I have dated I spent a great deal of non-sexual time with the female partner and almost none with the male partner, but I had lots and lots of sex with the male partner and I only had sex with the female partner once over many months.

What are some of the pitfalls? As with dating single people, every relationship is different and when you are dating a couple the dynamics are just insane. I do actually have to worry about people wanting more from me than I can give. Can I be the hot bi babe of their fantasy? Some couples are really looking to form a triad, can I give them the amount of time and energy that they want? Are they looking for a permanent connection that involves raising their children or the possibility of having children with me? These are very serious considerations! I guess I really have shot to hell my theory that couples represent less commitment. Yeah. And then you get into situations where the additional person wants more than the couple. I want to have kids. Most couples have either had their children and are not interested in having more with an additional person or they don’t want children at all. My opinion of this may be influenced by the ages of people that I end up dating. I suppose if I became involved with a couple that was more my age then I wouldn’t be running into people who have already had their kids. There aren’t very many stable couples my age looking to add a third though. 🙂 None of this is easy to figure out.

So there are certainly disadvantages to seeing couples, but overall it seems to be worth it for me, especially at this stage of my life. Maybe part of what I am getting out of it is that I tend to prefer dating people who are older than me. Often, people who are much older than me who have not managed to be coupled seem to have noticeable reasons that they are not coupled and those are reasons that I would not want to stay with them seriously as well… Whereas couples seem to have this aura of “See! We are both stable enough to have a relationship!” This has proven to be an incorrect thought more than once, but it perseveres. Often there is the issue of wanting one half of the couple more. It

And then we get to the nitty gritty of sex! Goodness. Ok, the variations on how this works out would take too long to write. Forget it.

The god who massages me came up with the Quote of the Day:

“You can power that whole dress with a nine volt battery”

I liked it…

Have I mentioned lately that I love my friends?

Since I know I’ll be waking up alone tomorrow morning, I figured what the hell…

If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?

This should be… interesting… to say the least.

Even I’m getting confused as to who I am involved with.

There is the Razor/Manda/potentially Tristan connection.
Kristie/Flint
Chris
Noah
Akien/Dawn
Potentially Malcolm (this one would end most of the other sexual relationships if it got serious.)
Mackensie might end up being something.
Darin/Keri are starting to maybe go somewhere.
Greg/De are asking me to come ‘interview’

There are other people I occasionally have sex with, but not very often.

This morning I got to perform service! Yay!!!

Wonderful friends are sick right now, and I got to go to the store and bring them supplies and make them soup and stuff. It was really wonderful that they let me do it for them. 🙂

On the way home I was behind a car with the bumper sticker, “Boys have feelings too, but who cares?” It made me very sad that there are people who are so sucky in the world.

I am currently having a conversation with someone who wants to interview me for a service position in his house hold. Uhm.. What? Where did that come from?! Dude. He just found me on bondage.com I actually knew him and his wife years ago before they dropped out of the public scene to have children. They are both nice, but this feels awfully sudden…

I am still having trouble with identifying as a vegetarian. And I keep buying fake meat, so I feel like I am an almost vegetarian. But I am enjoying my potato and green chile burrito right now.

http://www.zefrank.com/valentine/

I have something coming up in April that I really want to talk about. I am doing a lot of pre-processing about it. It is a very psychologically risky event and I am being very conscious and deliberate in my actions. I am taking calculated risks.

But I process things by sharing them and getting opinions. And I both want and don’t want opinions. I think this post is kind of stupid. I think that if I see you in person in a one on one type situation, I want to talk to people about it but I don’t want to write it out and get critiques on it. (Maybe I’m just avoiding Laurel…)

I practice RACK, not SSC. This is one of the first times in my play I have really embraced the difference.

If you see me, ask me about it. I want to talk about it and I don’t know how to bring it up.

So. I had this moment where I realized that I don’t like not knowing who reads stuff here, so I went through and protected everything.

A cursory glance might lead you to believe that I am a lurker. Nothing could be further from the truth. I post like crazy. You just don’t get to read it unless you ask.

Messages screened.

And once I friend you, you will want to go to: http://www.livejournal.com/users/boot_slut/112163.html

So… if you wanted to say something, go ahead. The comments on this entry will be entirely screened.

*beeeeep*

(Hey, you could take this opportunity to tell me something very very dirty that you want to do to me.)

I just booked May 20-22nd.

The weekend after is my housemates birthday so I assume I need to be here and paying attention to her.

I am freakin booked solid till June. Good God.

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

• You must tell 49 people about this game.
• #3 is the one that you love.
• #7 is one you like but can’t work out.
• You care most about Manda.
• Jenny is the one who knows you very well.
• Anna is your lucky star.
• She was the prize is the song that matches with #3.
• Hampster Dance is the song for #7.
• I think about you is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
• and Void is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz

The correlation between the Hampster Dance and person #7 is wrong. But ok.

with thanks to ribbin

Fuck You Day
(or: the guerilla repurposing of a Hallmark Event)

by Andrew C. Bulhak

In a few days it will be the 14th of February; the day when we think of all the people who have profoundly touched our lives and say to them those special words: “Fuck You”.

Most people know this day as something else; a Hallmark event during which neurochemically induced temporary insanity is celebrated by spending large sums of money on flowers, chocolate and greeting cards, and wallowing in artificially-induced sentiment. The problem with this holiday is that it excludes those who are not out of their skulls on phenylethylamine. Those who are not in relationships, who do not have a Special Someone in whose name to pad the coffers of florists and gift companies, are marginalized and rendered invisible. If you’re not in a relationship, or looking to be in one, you’re nothing. Even in this age of political correctness and all-inclusive niceness, this is one form of discrimination that is still wholeheartedly embraced by people who abhor most forms of prejudice and bigotry.[1]

Fuck You Day is not so viciously discriminatory. We may not all have lovers, but we all have irritants. Into every life a little shit must fly, and when shit happens, there’s usually an asshole responsible. And there are many forms that these assholes come in; they can be family members, co-workers, classmates, ex-lovers or so-called friends; or they can be strangers; bureaucratic Nazis who refuse to cut you the least bit of slack, or obnoxious neighbors with execrable taste in music, or just the glorps who steal your slack.

For lesser irritants, a simple, confident, decisive “fuck you” will suffice. (Or, if they’re an ex-lover, a bouquet of dead roses or gift-boxed roadkill may be particularly appropriate.) But there are some for whom something more elaborate is in order. Something that drives home the message with a personal touch and a perversely loving attention to detail. In short, we are talking about pranks.

Before we proceed any further, faithful reader, we must stress that we do not advocate beating people up, torching their homes or any other such act of unimaginative, meatheaded stupidity. A truly righteous act of vengeance is best worked with imagination, originality and no small dose of irony; in a way that comes out of nowhere and causes the target to realize that they have brought their fate unto themselves; that the trap that has snared them has been lain by themselves. In an ideal prank, the victim is subjected to an act of humiliation mirroring (symbolically or actually) the behavior that first brought them to the prankster’s attention and singled them out for a Fuck You Day gift; it would be especially apt if, looking back on the incident, the victim could see several ways he or she could have avoided falling into the trap — each of which would have required them to stop acting like an asshole. It goes without saying that they should have no recourse; nothing to press charges over, and preferably no tangible evidence pointing to the perpetrator.

Some of the best pranks have an element of subtlety and finesse, a Zen quality of minimalism, in which the prankster’s role is merely that of an instrument of fate and the will of the universe (which has a somewhat ironic sense of humour). Additionally, a well-thought-out prank doesn’t even have to directly affect the subject; a prank can take the form of a message, in the form of some inexplicable, mediagenic spectacle, which, whilst leaving most observers confused, strikes the terror of the Gods into your intended’s heart.

So, this Fuck You Day, think of all the people who have vexed and frustrated you, and let them know that you care.

[1] (Unlike that other holiday, Fuck You Day does not discriminate against those who are happily in love or otherwise not totally disillusioned with the meat market. Rather than saying “fuck you”, one can say to the object of one’s desires “I want to fuck you”. Evolutionarily speaking, it’s direct and to the point, without all the superfluous mendacity of flowers, romance and adult-contemporary ballads; and in every relationship honesty is always a good thing.)

I was going to go on a bitter single’s bar crawl. It fell through cause the organizer has rehearsals.

So Miss Jenny and I say that people should come visit us. She has to get up early in the morning and I just don’t feel like the Plough on that night.

So… who wants to come over? I’m sure we can find some kind of fun.

No time to read anything. Just time to say…
Happpppppppppppppppppppy girl!

YAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*bounce*

I will be off email/lj stuffs pretty much all weekend. You can call me if you wish.

Oh! It looks like I will not be going to BS on Saturday if anyone was hoping to see me there. I have no one lined up to play with and it is that time of the month. So yeah, it wouldn’t be much fun for me. 🙂 I’ll stay busy though… have no fear…