It is 3am, and what am I doing?

Dood! Oh my goodness. I was archiving one of my pervy mailing lists (I have to have something to do when I’m bored) and I noticed a last name…. Hmm. That rings a bell. It is an odd last name… think about it… OH MY GOD That’s the last name of the person who calls me to assign jobs. Ut oh… I think that is her husbands first name!! Oh wait, he includes his phone number in his emails… Pick up the phone and scan through caller ID… DUDE!!! It is the same number!!!

I’m tweakin now.

Now it is time for another verse of… It’s a Small World After All….

No wonder she grins at me funny when I run into her at the school… Maybe she recognizes me! This is going to bug me forever.

I’m feeling really depressed. I can’t seem to bring myself to write a paper for a class. It is due tomorrow and I can’t keep putting it off. I have 20 hours to have it done. *sigh*

Test running those of you who wanted something dirty. 🙂

A user’s guide

Krissy: You are most of the people I have known in my lifetime.
Kristine: You are a teacher that I have never become close to or I met you in a formal work environment.
Kris: You are my brother. I don’t know for the life of me why he persists in calling me Kris. I am not a Kris.
Lenora: You know me through the scene.
Kiss-Kiss: You are my mother and you are trying to suck up cause you want something.
Krisco: You are my sister. (Think Popeye movie.)
Lena: You met me during a short period when I was in high school.
boot_slut: You know me via IRC.
techiegoth: You have been emailing me for more than 3 years.
stageauntie42: AIM people
Justine: You know about my real journal. 🙂
One: You are my primary partner.

See Jenny, now you know all of my names. 🙂

I never quiz

100 question meme

Since I’m an attention whore, I don’t suppose anyone has any preference for what kind of clothing they would appreciate me wearing at BaGG? 😀

Cause I’ve been downer girl for a few days, I figure I should let ya’ll know that I’m feeling better. I have a pretty good life right now. I have wonderful friends who are willing to be a shoulder for me when I need it. I have a partner who thinks I’m the greatest thing. Thank you all. I love you and appreciate you.

I have HPV. Yup, an STD. It sucks. People get to make their own decisions about how they want to treat me based on knowing that I have it. Some sources of information on HPV can be found at:
http://www.ashastd.org/hpvccrc/index.html
http://www.cdc.gov/std/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/std

From the information I have found, and what I have been told by doctor type people my understanding is that if you have it you have it. Catching a new strain is rare and unlikely. If someone has reason to believe otherwise, please tell me I would appreciate all additional information.

And now the end of our public service announcement.

I hope the ending doesn’t sound too much like “Oh shit I’m rapidly approaching 20 pages and we aren’t supposed to turn in stuff that is more than 15…”

A story with no name

Masturbating truly is one of god’s gifts. Read some good porn (yay Pat Califia) and masturbate for a while and somehow, the ability to write dirty stuff returns. I think getting some sleep helped as well. Lets see if I manage to finish now! 🙂

How do I finish an upbeat, optimistic, happy story when I’m feeling broken. Shit. It is due tomorrow.

I have taunted ya’ll with talk of dirty posts. Hm. I would like to masturbate but with the mood I’m in I don’t think it would result in much. That is about as dirty as I can be tonight.

Sum up your opinion or impression of me in one or two words, leave it as a comment in this posting, and then post this sentence in your own journal.

The dance tonight had a very different vibe than normal. I only missed one or two dances that I wanted to be in, which is very cool. Many of the people I look forward to seeing weren’t there though so I felt sad. I danced with more unfamiliar people than I have in a while.

I came home in a good mood all set to write something sexy and interesting. Then I started talking to someone I am very interested in. He is debating whether it is a good idea to have sex with me or not. He has HPV as well, but a different strain, one that is not cancer producing. The strain I have is cancer producing as evidenced by my surgery last summer. He isn’t sure he wants to take the risk of sleeping with me. Which is totally valid and ok for him. But I really hate my body right now because of it. I’m doing the dance back and forth between hating my body and by extention my entire self and trying to believe that I’m not a bad person just because I have been exposed to a virus that is actually very common.

I’m pretty freakin young to have so much of my life to look forward to loathing my body. I don’t know how to deal with this situation. I want to tell him that it is entirely his decision how comfortable he is with what level of risk. I have actually told him that. Now I feel horrible because he is trying to decide what level of potential contamination he wants. I want to cry and scream and mutilate. An ok but not great evening just went straight into the crapper.

I’ve been posting more stuff friends only. If you think you would like to see my friends only stuff, and you think I would be ok with you seeing it–buzz me somewhere and ask. Some of you might see stuff that bugs you, feel free to ask me to take you out of a filter.

It was suggested that I should do what makes me happy. I would love to! Hm. What should I do then? Different things at different times make me happy. I am happy when I make other people happy, but that isn’t very consistent and I find that I can’t make everyone happy all of the time.

What kind of relationships are making me happy right now? Good grief. Tom is sad that I’m not home waiting for him on the one night out of 15 that he gets home at 9 instead of after 1. I’m sorry. I meet up with someone primarily for sex but the relationship shouldn’t be just about sex. I’m sorry. Some days I feel like I have enough flirtations going that I can’t keep my head on straight, but other days I still feel so very alone. I don’t know how to balance my time yet. What sort of flirtations turn into something more and how does that work out? I was invited to a party and the person doing the inviting wants to invite one person out of couples, but am I a couple at this point? With anyone? I am not doing much with Tom and he wouldn’t go to that party with me anyway. Does anything else count as any sort of couple-ness? I don’t know. Odd as it is, I somehow feel like my general identity is questionable right now because I can’t just say I am ‘so and so’s’ girlfriend. What a horrible thing. Why does part of my identity depend on who I am dating? Why in the world can’t I be content just being me?

I am so torn between wanting more sex and feeling like everything is too complicated already. I don’t know what to do. I really [i]like[/i] the people I have been flirting with. That is why I am choosing to flirt with them. gah. How in the hell does this poly schtuff work?

Number of people on my lj friends list: 25 including one community

…whom I’ve met in person: 22

…whom I’ve met in person more than once: 22

…whose house I’ve been to: 17 (some of them not the house they are currently living in.)

…who have been to my house: 14

…whose full names I know offhand: 15

…whom I’ve known for more than 3 years: 9

…whom I’ve known for more than 5 years: 3

…whom I’ve known for more than 7 years: 3

…whom I’ve known for more than 9 years: 1

…whose journal I consider myself “addicted” to: I read my friends list obsessively. Is that the same thing/

…whom I’ve lived with: 1–although I practically lived with Lauren’s family during high school.

…who I’d do: 11 (now aren’t you wondering who…)

…who I’ve snogged: Hm. www.dictionary.com couldn’t give me a definition for snogged, so I sort of guessed. 12

Kissing is good. Kissing is great. Kissing that leads to me getting violently fucked for a long time is better.