I put Shanna on the floor in the living to play while I went to the bathroom. Once I got there I realized that she hadn’t peed yet since her nap. So I called out to her that if she needed to pee she should come to the bathroom. So she crawled from the living room to the bathroom. I put her on the potty. Then she peed. She’s nine months old.
HOW COOL IS THAT!
Second try, now with correct dates.
My mom is already pressuring me to plan Shanna’s first birthday party. I’m trying to figure out dates. Miss Jenny, Miss Laura, and Noah all have birthdays within a week or so of Shanna’s so we are thinking about a joint party cause sure why not. It gives us an excuse for having a wider array of cake! 🙂 So I’m going to do a date poll. Heavier weight will be given to the opinions of shared-celebration folks. 🙂
I told my sister and my nephew yesterday that I’m feeling upset about them only contacting me when they want money. My sister got huffy and told me that she doesn’t want anything from anyone. Then as we were getting ready to pay for lunch she informed me she was laid off. Ahhh timing. I only paid for my food.
On the vaccine stuff: I find the different points of view interesting. I found ‘s post yesterday nearly funny. If I posted something of that length and validity on the anti-vax side I would have a flood of snotty comments. I would be be told that all of the things I was presenting were “anecdotal” and therefore completely unworthy of mention. *shrug* At this moment in time my feelings are basically that I don’t trust the information I am presented with. Once upon a time there was “evidence” that people should be given mercury when they were sick, or drugs to prevent miscarriage that caused terrible terrible deformities and problems in infants. This was the wisdom of the day. I could list off a dozen different things that have been part of “trends” in the past 150 years around the topic of bearing children that have been dangerous and problematic. They were all pushed heavily by doctors. Yet I am now told, “It doesn’t matter what has happened in the past. This time what we are telling you to do is right. Honest!” Well, I feel rather uncomfortable using my kid as a guinea pig for something with little history. Most vaccines have been around for ~60 years or less. That’s not a lot of time to look at the long-term effects. Especially because the people who were vaccinated 60 years ago were not given the same vaccines or nearly as many as children today are. Shanna will be vaccinated because eventually the risk of the diseases will overcome the risk of the shots because I want to take her to Asia and Africa. If I were a bit less infected with a travel bug I don’t know that I would be willing to.
If my life were different I would probably give her the vaccines on schedule. (Although frankly I like countries like Finland’s vaccination schedule more than the US’s.) Well, maybe not all of them. I’m more than a little worried about what is going to happen to people when we get rid of the more mild diseases that educate the body in fighting off illness. Do I have hard scientific evidence? Sorta. Not really. Why are things like cancer becoming so common? It’s a combination of reasons that no one has figured out yet. It didn’t happen much when people died of other illnesses.
I don’t think it is a good idea to fuck with mother nature. People are supposed to die. That’s kind of the end-goal of every human’s life. I don’t really think that trying to put off death forever is a great thing. I’m sure people will snarkily (and stupidly in my opinion) say, “You would feel differently if it was your kid.” Not really. If my child died I would grieve. I would miss her for the rest of my life. But I would deal with it. I have experience dealing with death and my experience of it colored my feelings enough that I feel pretty comfortable saying, “No really–it’s better to not stave off death as long as possible.” They should have let my brother die the first time instead of resuscitating him.
And I can’t help but think that our culture’s obsession with avoiding feeling bad at all for any length of time is contributing to a lot of our other social problems.
Once again, largely without comment here is a link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-kirby/government-concedes-vacci_b_88323.html
Another case: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-f-kennedy-jr-and-david-kirby/vaccine-court-autism-deba_b_169673.html
Full text behind cut: Continue reading
This is not going to be long or in any particular order. I am just feeling bad about not writing anything so here is a brief dump.
I liked the apartment we stayed in and the tremendous amount of time I got to spend with Noah. I had a rocky adjustment because all the travel, sleep dep, and weird eating habits made me pretty cranky. Noah pointed out that I was being a butt and I calmed down. It’s nice to communicate. 🙂
Things we “did”: Zorbing (way fun), went on a farm tour at the Agrodome (it was cute but not all that enthralling), went out briefly to Waiheke Island (we don’t like the wine but the island is beautiful), went to a blueberry winery (bought a bunch of TASTY food stuffs), went to the glow worm caves (they are really glow maggots! how cool is that?!), went to the Polynesian Spa (mmmm mud), and ate a lot of tasty food. Oh, and visited a buried Maori village and went to a Hangi (it’s a dinner/entertainment thing).
I am convinced that New Zealand has some of the best food in the world. Everything we ate was at least better than expected. The crappy cafeteria style food was still decent. The decent food was really good. The really good food was amazing. We found a Tunisian restaurant that we loved to death. The other folks we spent time with weren’t as impressed but what do they know? 😉 In general we loved the food (OH MY GOD the best gelato I’ve ever had was in Auckland) but didn’t like the alcohol. Such is life.
We had a great time. We liked the people. We liked the country. It was certainly awesome enough to make us consider moving there.
Oh, and if you somehow managed to miss it: http://picasaweb.google.com/somethingdifferent/NewZealand Some favorite pictures behind cut: Continue reading
Yes, this is an overly crunchy source.
CDC Finds 97 Percent of Americans Contaminated by Sunscreens
by Ellen Holder, citizen journalist
(NaturalNews) The Center for Disease Control (CDC) released a new study showing that nearly all Americans are contaminated with oxybenzone, a widely-used sunscreen ingredient. This chemical so far has been linked to allergies, hormone disruption, and cell damage, as well as low birth weight in baby girls whose mothers are exposed during pregnancy. Oxybenzone is also a penetration enhancer, a chemical that helps other chemicals penetrate the skin. So where has the FDA been on this?
Apparently in the back pocket of the sunscreen industry. The Food and Drug Administration, again, has failed in its duty to protect the public from toxic chemicals like oxybenzone. Caving to the industry lobbyists, the agency has delayed final sunscreen safety standards for nearly 30 years. FDA issued a new draft of the standards last October under pressure from Environmental Working Group (EWG), but continues to delay finalizing them because of pressure from the industry.
In their online cosmetic safety database, EWG identifies nearly 600 sunscreens sold in the U.S. that contain oxybenzone, including leading brand names like Hawaiian Tropic, Coppertone, and Banana Boat, and many facial moisturizers as well. On top of that, they also show many of these so-called sunscreens offer inadequate protection from the sun. In fact, they found that sunlight also causes oxybenzone to form free radical chemicals that may be linked to cell damage, which is the exact opposite reason many women mistakenly use the sunscreen – to protect them from damaging free radicals which lead to premature aging!
And interestingly, as sunscreen sales have risen, so has the rate of skin cancers. Go figure. We’ve been pressured to believe that the sun is our enemy and we need to slather on loads of sunscreen to protect ourselves, when in actuality we need sunlight for our bodies to manufacture vitamin D. For those of us who are either fair skinned or just plain vain and worry about age spots and wrinkles, limiting our unprotected sun exposure to 20 minutes a day is adequate for our daily dose of vitamin D. For more fun in the sun, overexposure can be avoided by using a natural or organic sunscreen with a reflective barrier like zinc, instead of chemical sunscreens. Even a small amount of shea butter rubbed into the skin daily offers a bit of natural UV protection. Whatever you do, don’t wait for the FDA to help you in your choice. Based on their history in this category, it could be another 30 years before safety standards are improved.
References:
1. Environmental Health Perspectives: Concentrations of the Sunscreen Agent, Benzophenone-3, in Residents of the United States: National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey 2003�2004
http://www.ehponline.org/members/2008/11269/11269.html
2. Environmental Working Group: Comments from EWG on the U.S. FDA’s Proposed Amendment of Final Monograph for Sunscreens
http://www.ewg.org/node/25705
3. Environmental Working Group: Americans Carry ‘Body Burden’ of Toxic Sunscreen Chemical
http://www.ewg.org/node/26212
When I got back to CA I had a message on my phone. It turns out my therapist died of an overdose while I was gone. This is the second death by that method of someone I was close to in just over a year. I’m feeling very conflicted and confused and unsettled. I knew she was cracking up when I stopped seeing her. I said snarky things about her cracking up. I was pretty sure she was on drugs. But now I feel terrible that I didn’t do something to try and help her because she was pretty clearly asking me for help–the whole taking over my therapy sessions to talk about her bit was obvious. I really liked her, both as a professional and as a person. I haven’t called the person who left me the message because I’m kind of freaked out.
My mom always said that deaths go in threes. I’m really afraid of who will be the third overdose. 🙁
Here are pictures: http://picasaweb.google.com/somethingdifferent/NewZealand
It’s a gorgeous country. I think that generic scenery shots are kind of silly so there aren’t many. 🙂 Maybe tomorrow I will get around to writing about it.
My brain still feels like cotton so I’m not ready to write about the trip. However, I thought I should let ya’ll know that I may or may not fully catch up on lj. If I missed anything that you think I should see, please leave a comment. 🙂
Tired. Confuzzled. Sleepy. Glad that Shanna waited until home to be a pain in the butt.
Stuff. Wow I’m tired.
I got to town a few minutes before the restaurant opens so you get this post.
We’ve done a lot. This country is amazing. People are more friendly far from tourist areas. Shanna has been absolutely amazing for most of the trip but she seems to have lost patience with us today. Food is adventurous but very good.
Love you all, even those I don’t. (I really like that saying.)
In 12 hours I will be arriving at the home of the lovely Ms. Laura to pick her up and drive up to SFO. Our flight leaves at 2pm.
I am SO EXCITED!!! I’m also kind of tired. We are pre-jet lagging hoping to make it a bit easier to adjust.
I’M GOING TO NEW ZEALAND!
😀
I’m totally taking the backpack in the icon. And one suitcase. And a diaper bag. That’s not too bad.
We are planning to be offline for most of the trip so I will probably not respond to anything internet-ish. A break will be loverly.
I semi-regularly post controversial things without stating my overall opinions on the topic. I like saying things like, “This is interesting” without specifying exactly what I find interesting or why. It is interesting that people often leap to conclusions about my positions on things. Last night as I was falling asleep I thought about the fact that I probably keep my mouth shut on some of my more extreme positions because I hate the fact that I already get snotty comments about the fact that I have strong opinions without fully expressing most of my strong opinions. That would be, in fact, why I believe that people are trying to shame someone into silence with the phrase “Don’t hold back, tell me how you really feel” and its close cousins.
So ok, you want to know some of my strong opinions? Fine. I’ll state some of them. If you flame me, act like an asshole, or just in generally are rude I will delete your comment without response. If you want to engage me in spirited debate that is fine, keeping in mind that I am leaving the country tomorrow. Alright, here we go…
Here is a fascinating article on the differences and similarities between FGM and circumcision. http://www.circumcisionandhiv.com/files/darby_mgm_fgm_maq_0907.pdf
It’s 23 pages long but absolutely worth the read.
And then this afternoon she finally managed to put all of the pieces together and crawl on her hands and knees.
Dangerous. 😀
Shanna pulled herself to standing tonight! This is so exciting. Yeah, I wonder if she will be walking before she full on crawls.
The secret to happiness is low expectations. At least that’s what Noah tells me all the time.
I’m great at playing with my kid and taking care of her. I go in bursts of being ok at keeping up with everything else. I had a lazy weekend and I’ve had a hard time getting motivated today. But I read to Shanna for a long time. And we played. And I figured out how to carry the car seat through the airport (Shibari comes in handy). Other than that… I got nothing.
*sigh*
One of Noah’s college friends invited us over yesterday to play games and ignore the super bowl. That worked for me. 🙂 I had such a great time. The entire attitude towards the games made me happy. People weren’t overly competitive and were quite cheerful about handing over a card that might help someone else “just because you are so nice.” That is exactly the sort of attitude I wish more people had about games. In cut-throat games I get angry and feel hostile and usually want to hit someone. I’m so happy that I got to have a pleasant gaming experience. I played three new-to-me games and even though I had to ask a lot of questions and get help no one was snotty or condescending.
See, this makes me want to play more. Most of the time when I play games with people I don’t have any interest in playing for years.
Yay!
# I’ve written before, in one of these memes I’m sure, about my first impression of you in Rob’s fiction class oh those several years ago. So I was wondering. Was it my writing or me that first made an impression on you, and how has that impression altered over the years?
Well, your writing marked you as “weird” and therefore more likely to be someone I could get along with, but it was more about you. You are a kind of smart I desperately admire and feel inferior to. You were very nice to me and most people in the MA program looked down their noses at me; I was very grateful. It hasn’t actually changed much. 🙂 You are still a kind of smart I desperately admire and feel inferior to. I deeply admire how focused you are on your writing and I feel like there is no way I could ever do it.
# Do you think you’ll ever go back to teaching, and if so, under what conditions?
This weighs heavily on my mind. I don’t know for sure. When my kids are old enough to basically take care of themselves during the day (maybe 10 or 12?) I would like to go back to working with at-risk kids on a part-time basis. At that point when Noah is working from home they can do independent work for the day. It’s in the back of my mind as something I would really like to pursue. I miss being able to convince kids with low self esteem that they have potential. It made me feel like I was actually doing something good for the planet.
# Same as question 5 above: Where do see Shanna in twenty years? What possible futures have you envisioned for her?
Honestly I have no idea. I’m semi-hopeful that she will be in college or about out of college but if she doesn’t want to pursue that it’ll be ok. I’m trying very very very hard not to push her in any direction. If she wants art or science or music or math or nature or whatever else I will do my best to facilitate her following her passion. I suppose that what I really envision is that she has found something that excites her and she is working towards that.
# You’ve always struck me as someone who gets along with a lot of people, very open about a lot of things, and yet you can be intensely private. What would you say were your criteria for real friends as opposed to people you just like talking to?
heh. This may offend people, but oh well. I’m not sure I understand what “real friends” are. The longer my life goes on the more convinced I am that no one is going to be there for me. Part of the reason I am so comfortable talking about my stuff in public ways is because I am not talking for anyone else’s benefit I am talking for my own benefit. Talking out loud helps me process. I am intensely private because every one I have ever “tried out” to see if they are trustworthy has let me down at a crucial point. Now I only share the things I don’t need any real support about. It plays into my fierce hatred of advice actually. Most of the people who give advice have no intention of being support if their advice goes terribly wrong. Granted, in most situations there isn’t a way for the advice to go terribly wrong, but my feelings stand. It’s similar to why it is so hard for me to do really heavy bdsm play anymore; I don’t trust anyone to help me on the road back to me.
So yeah. I think my criterion are maybe unrealistic and therefore I don’t really know what “real friends” are. I’ve been let down too often.
# How much of what I’ve asked here could be found with a little patience and a detailed search of your live journal?
Probably very little. Maybe the stuff about Shanna. I carefully consider what I reveal and I try not to hurt anyone’s feelings, including my own. I’m very scared and uncertain about teaching. I feel like there is a hole in my heart so I’m not talking about it much–revealing an actual vulnerability is dangerous. I don’t want people to start telling me I should put my kid in daycare and go back to teaching. And there are a few people who are going to feel bad when I say that everyone has let me down. It is going to cause them to feel defensive, maybe they will express it to me and maybe they won’t–but it will change the nature of our interactions.
1. Teaching was such a part of your life, what, besides the Banana takes
its place?
At the moment, nothing. It’s very hard. I miss it. I feel like part of my identity was taken away and I don’t know what to do about it yet. When she gets older and needs less time with my boobs I plan to volunteer but it’s hard to go work with other children when my child demands so much attention.
2. What are your plans around the interaction of being freaky
and having children, focusing on how it impacts the children. (short
version)
It’s uhm, complicated. Well sorta. I don’t intend to involve her in any way so hopefully there will be no direct interaction. 😀 That said, I don’t plan to pretend I never have sex or that my sex is all missionary position. I know multiple people who have good luck with saying, “There is stuff in this cabinet you don’t want to see. I’m not saying that because I want to keep you out of it. I’m saying that because it will make you want to wash your brain out with acid because you don’t want to think of your parents that way. If you choose to snoop that’s your problem; don’t come whine to me.” Of course this is after many years of doing my best to keep her from finding things accidentally.
3. What would you change in your life that was going on five
years ago or so.
Hm. Five years ago. Five years ago I was just starting to practice poly and I was having a rather fun relationship with a neat guy. I was dancing like crazy. I was in really good physical shape. Five years ago was awesome. But six years ago sucked. What I would change about six years ago was feeling like my life was over because I had HPV.
4. Given the opportunity to study with any writer for a
summer, you pick the location, the time and the writer, who, when, where
and why? 🙂
Amusingly, I wouldn’t pick a writer who was all that interesting. I would probably go visit one of my trash novelist favorites like Jude Deveraux or Betrice Small or Diana Gabaldon or Jacqualine Carey and ask them for help with making my characters more approachable. Right now all of my writing is very personal and I’m not all that friendly of a person so my characters aren’t either.
5. If you had the ability to completely imprint an experience
of yours into the minds/hearts of people around you, what would it be?
I had a student, I’m going to call him Norbert because his real name is just about equally as horrid, and Norbert was a young black man. He was in a gang because everyone in his family was in a gang. He was treated like crap by pretty much everyone on campus because he was a “loser with no potential.” I adored Norbert. We dealt with one another extremely well. He was more willing to do more work work for me than I think he had ever done in his life. One day he came to class in a terrible mood, cussing, being casually violent, and just generally spoiling for a fight. After he tried to provoke a couple of fistfights in class I told him to get out and go sit on the bench outside of class. When I walked outside and sat down next to him I said, “What is going on? You are very angry about something and it has nothing to do with me or my class–so what is it?” He blustered for a bit before he started crying. My big, tough, adult-looking boy started crying. His cousin was shot that weekend. He was scared and grieving and he had no space for that in his life so he had to be mean.
I was never one to be particularly afraid of large black men because they’ve been pretty gentle with me all of my life, but after that experience it goes a bit farther. I wish that everyone around me could get past the “scary” feelings they have about black men and see that they might be terrified like anyone else.